To choose the local state comp over the high achieving private boys school?

[Seaofcake]

We have narrowed down our secondary school choices to two options and DH and I disagree about which one is best. DH is willing to pay for private and although it wouldn’t by any means be a drop in the ocean, we could do it.

We’ve gone round in circles with this decision. My pros and cons are below. Any advice would really be welcome.

State comp

Pros

• Mixed sex
• 10 minute drive in rush hour. He could walk or catch the bus eventually.
• Ofsted report is outstanding in all areas
• Enrichment programme
• Strict on behaviour
• 1.5 mile catchment, local kids
• Get to stay in area and younger DC can go to primary when ready.

Cons

• Less chance for trips and opportunities, will need to fight for them
• Some kids look rough when we’ve hung around during end of school day (but there is a good number of polite, decent kids too; it’s just very varied)
• Only 20% scored above 7 in English and Maths
• Strict but some rules are over the top

Private school

Pros

• Excellent GCSE and A level scores
• Excellent extra-curriculars
• Excellent and varied trips
• Well behaved, polite boys

Cons

• Boys school so limited social opportunities with girls. No contact with girls till 16
• It’s a city school with little greenery
• School finishes at 16:00 but coach gets back at 17:15 and that’s without after-school clubs
• Have to get the coach in the morning too and it leaves at 07:40 so it makes for a very long day
• If he does clubs, they finish at 17:30 but coach gets back at 18:40
• Forced to move?
• Can afford an extended semi in the city centre but it doesn’t have the greenery of our current location and we will lose the catchment of our local primary for younger DC who are due to join in a few years time

What would you do?

@Neveragain35 i wasn’t asking you. I am not judging but I’ve been around schools long enough to see lots of judgement made by dc and parents! It’s why they want better schools! @MrsBennetsPoorNerves My dd is a barrister and has represented all sorts of people. They can have empathy and it doesn’t have to be found at school. As long as they are decent people, they can mix with a time. I don’t believe school has to be about meeting all sorts like a social experiment.

It’s a reasonable question to ask and plenty of DC swerve others who are not like them. Many dc when looking at uni swerve the ones with more privately educated dc - DN swerved them in a 6th form. So they don’t all mature and don’t all want to mix. Are your dc really friends with dc from drug Addict families then? Or extreme right wing ones you don’t agree with? Not all people or their dc are pleasant.

TheaBrandt · Today 10:56

When I worked in the City years ago the general view was that state educated kids were hoodie wearing knife wielders who had never done a sport in their lives and people would actually say as much assuming they were “amongst friends”.
Shades of that in this thread!

Just as much the opposite as well - private school students live in a bubble, I want my children to have a ‘well rounded’ experience, poshos have eating disorders and do drugs, spoon fed so can’t keep up at university etc etc.

Ridiculous isnt it! My second Dd now 16 socialises in a broad group of teens from around 5 different local schools both state and private though mostly private and the teens are utterly interchangeable!

Not the same every where though. This is the school where my kids would've gone if I hadn't moved out of London

@catstaff47 it’s easy to blame peers but ultimately your niece decided not to put the work in, unlike a third of the other pupils at her school, who clearly were not negatively affected by the same peer group.

It is entirely possible she could have gone to the private school and absolutely burnt out and flunked everything under the pressure, or indeed been asked to leave if she wasn’t academically up to scratch. It’s impossible to say.

Probably the State school based on the info you have given.
I would never send my DC single sex unless I absolutely had no choice. we opted for Private for both our DC but its a very local school and co ed, plus our State Secondary is really bad

I've worked in both. Choose private if you can.

There isn’t always pressure in private schools. Many are way more relaxed then the modern state school that picks on dc for not having everything they need and worry dc to death. There are many cases where dc are very anxious because of this. Not all private schools are high performing and most seem to produce a dc with a rounded education.

Many parents avoid their poor local state school. They do see poor behaviour in class and elsewhere as a negative. That’s a prime driver in people moving house!

This is going to be the hardest decision we’ve made for DS to date.

This morning I asked DS which extracurriculars would he like to do on the list of the private school brochure, he said ‘yeah, they’re all good’ and ran out the room so that he could chat to his friend about their latest business idea (3D printing spinners). I just thought he’s got some lovely local friends and he would continue to make friends like this in the state school and I’m sure they’d keep themselves occupied with useful pursuits as he’s that kind of a kid. No doubt it does worry me that there will be people who don’t give a crap about anything at the state school, but I’m really leaning toward the school for ironing out the bad attitudes with the heavy discipline. I might be being naive, I really hope not. But I don’t see DS on the coach or at the clubs every day. I don’t think he will get the most out of it right now, maybe when he’s 13 or 16.

I know the trend is to go state for sixth form but I’m actually thinking that’s when he’ll be old enough to actually benefit from the trips and activities so I’m really leaning towards that option. We aren’t really bothered by universities preferring state candidates at sixth form, as I think on the whole it’s more an Oxbridge thing? DH and I both went to Russel Group universities so that’s where we hope DC will go.

There’s been lots of useful replies on this thread. As usual, I find Mumsnet the best place for well-rounded advice! I can tell all the people on this thread are giving are sincere with their feelings. Thank you all.

@Seaofcake one of the main drivers for us going private was boarding and the fact DD wanted to do so much of what was on offer. By Y11 she was not only house captain but had 11 other activities as well. She was advised to drop some. That proved difficult but dance and badminton dropped off the list! If DS’s eyes don’t light up, I’m not sure it is worth it, but that’s my measure of what I wanted for DD. She had also attended a taster day and spoken to other girls so she had some idea of what she liked. She could have gone to a local grammar but so many dc were balloted out of trips and sports teams it seemed a bit of a lottery. She had been at a state primary and the private had similar results to the grammar.