Should I change what my children think about Christmas?

[MrsChristmas1]

Stick with me on this one ....
Since my DC were little, we've always gone along with the story that Father Christmas delivers the presents on Christmas Eve. They would write a list of things they'd hope for, the elves would make the toys and if they were well-behaved, then they'd get (within reason) what they'd written on their list. Basically Father Christmas would get all the credit and it was nothing to do with Mum or Dad.

This was fine when they were younger as they would mainly ask for cheap-ish games, jigsaws and books etc.

However. My DC this year has asked for an expensive gift (not through being spoilt - just unaware of how much this would actually cost and not understanding money). In conversation I told her that it was too expensive and that we'd maybe need to look for a cheaper option. But here's my problem..

1. her reply (again not in a spoilt way but more in a matter of fact) was that she knew it was expensive and something that I couldn't afford, so that's why she's asking Father Christmas for it. The elves will be able to make it and therefore problem solved about the price.
2. her friend also wants the same present, and there's a high-likely hood that she'll get it 'from Father Christmas'

In reality, we could actually afford the expensive gift but I don't want Father Christmas to take the credit! I want her to understand that we've worked hard to earn the money to buy the gift, and she's lucky to be getting it.

So, how do I change our Christmas story so that she still believes in the magic of Christmas, but doesn't think that every gift is from Father Christmas and that we've lied to her for her whole life or do I just suck it up, buy the gift and say how wonderful Father Christmas is for bringing her what she wanted?

What do you tell your children about Christmas? Has the story had to change as they grew older? DC is 8 if that matters.

We always told our DC that we bought the presents (as in friends and family) and their Grandad would ring Santa to collect around a week before Xmas. Then every time they were behaving badly, they ran the risk of losing a present as it would be given to another child instead.
Plus, if the excitement got too much, Grandad would get a message from the North Pole, reminding the DC to behave nicely.

Mine would ask Santa for 1 thing. We were lucky up to now that they were often little easy things.

I did have to talk to my 6yr old yesterday and explain:

1. The elves can only make toys that are already out there as they have to know how to make them. 🤣 (He'd asked for a plushy of some Lego toy that who knows if it's even made!)

1. Toys are expensive because of how much it costs to make them. If the elves made the really expensive ones, they would have enough magic/material to make toys for everyone.

It has seemed to work so far. . .

YABU. There's plenty of time in life yet for dreams to be shattered! And plenty of time in future for them to appreciate all that we did as their parents. Just let them have the magic, especially as you can afford the present.

In our house Father Christmas comes on Christmas Eve and puts things in the the stockings (sacks really). Things like books, small Lego set, game, novelty bubble bath a chocolate Santa - all quite inexpensive. We also had a joint parent stocking we always got a family game or DVD (back in the day) and some nice chocolate.

The rest of the presents under the tree were from whoever was a on the label so in our case it was always Mum & Dad or their Uncle. They have always known that we pay for the bigger presents and that Santa doesn’t do expensive and sometimes neither can the adults.

My mum and dad used to say they sent the money to Father Christmas for our presents which I think is what we will say too

@JeanLundegaard thats amazing for your kids and family. Sounds like you did a grand job raising them.

i have experienced this first hand with poorer families and it’s heartbreaking watching them have hope that Santa might bring them a present. Especially little 5 year olds when they have started school and other kids are getting things. For some their behaviour is awful jan / feb as they try to process their emotions.

We have different paper for Santas gifts and they were usually stocking filler types of things. Other presents were from people

We send money to Santa and he delivers the gifts. I couldn't have the big fat guy taking the credit for my hard work!

I think 8 is about time to start letting Father Christmas die if I’m honest. We’ve only ever been pretty vague about Father Christmas for this reason (and others). I can’t stand the ‘magic of Christmas’ trope and the parents who get obsessed about it.

This - we’ve always did one gift from Santa and the rest were from us.

Say Santa can't afford it as he's got too many to give but you can get it or grandma and so on

We gave Santa gifts in the stocking on the bed and everything under the tree was from us and family. Every year I tried to remember not to use the Santa paper on our gifts! She's 13 now but we carry on for fun.

So what about presents from grandparents etc?? Has she just always thought they were delivered by father Xmas and never said thank you to the actual giver??

In our house Santa brings stocking and one biggish present from their list. Other presents are under the tree from the actual giver and we save the biggest present (and a few more) to give them ourselves. Otherwise DC will think we never give them a Christmas present 😵‍💫 Eg a switch for DS will of course be from us.

Also we take our kids out to buy presents for their siblings and parent (me and DH will supervise buying for the other parent) - kids are 7 & 9. How does you kid give their own gifts, or do they believe even the adults’ presents come from father Xmas? I guess they don’t really consider that kind of aspect actually when they have their own exciting presents in front of them!

I think it is okay to tell children that you do have to pay Santa for the presents. That's why Santa doesn't bring everything children ask for, because parents can't always afford to pay him for everything. They can still imagine elves and sleighs and reindeer and chimney but learn to be realistic about expectations.

I've always pushed the narrative that FC makes all his toys in his workshop, so they're usually wooden, paper, quirky handmade things (the biggest was a wooden doll's house). He doesn't bring pets as it's too cold on the sleigh. Everything else is from me.

I don't see anything wrong in letting it die out over the next few years but if you want the credit, maybe tell her you've been in touch with Santa and agreed you'd get this one for her?

Mine are 26 and 21 and we still do it! Usually by video call now as the 26 year old lives a few hundred miles away and can’t usually come “home” for Christmas! (We usually visit her in the run up to Christmas and drop her gifts off then).

It should be about credit tbh - I don’t make my kids write thank you notes like I had to, but absolutely they say thank you to the person who gave them their gifts.

FC shouldn’t get all the credit! My parents (because of me!) made a point of saying “and this one’s from mummy and daddy” for our main present. FC got everything else and that is how we will carry on with our DD.

Good luck OP!

My parents bought the presents and then left them by the fireplace after we'd gone to bed and, by morning, the elves would have collected them.

The same happened in my house with my children.

Father Christmas would give a couple of low cost stocking fillers.

I'd definitely start to introduce the idea.
My dd was so upset that a friend boasted he got a phone from santa.

Santa doesn't give expensive gifts or technology in my house and mummy and daddy have to send money to Santa to feed and clothe his elves. I have never pushed the Santa thing though.

This is a tough one @op and hopefully you will find a way to navigate this from all the posts. For cultural reasons we have never done the whole Xmas story around Santa. dc have always been told mum & dad will get them xmas presents. they've always been just as excited as everyone else. we put them under the xmas tree and they open them up so there's no confusion who purchased the gifts. They just say thank you and go off to play. Aunts and unclea come later in the day with more gifts and the excitement continues.

On another note i personally don't get the whole, 'We must watch their faces while they open the gifts or we must 'see' their excitement. Why must their excitement be seen? that feels like a whole lot of pressure on the child to look excited even if they're not??

This! She probably won’t believe for much longer, it might be the last year. Once she knows the truth she will realise you got her everything all along and you will sort of get the credit then. Just let her enjoy the magic.

If she was younger then I think you could easily say some presents are from Santa/ some from you or Santa doesn’t bring expensive presents, but you've said Santa brings all the presents for years now, it’s too late to change it.

It's also a really weak behaviour management technique.

No it isn't.