I don't want my daughter to play with another kid in the street.

[WispaGoldsshouldcomeinmultipac]

Strap in this will be a long one. I think I know the answer but I guess I'm looking for reassurance. TLDR: I don't want someone else's kid in my house.

We have moved into a cult de sac. Myself, hubby and a neurospicy 5yr old.
We live opposite a rail line and within about 400yards of a public trail path and river. It's idyllic but this is my issue.
Neighbour has a soon to be 5 year old. Came and had a play date and the house was carnage afterwards. She undid all the safety features we have in place for our daughter who has little to no sense of danger. Toys everywhere, food everywhere, screaming that kinda thing. Since then, she has knocked out door daily asking to come in and play, often putting her foot in my door. She'd make an excellent missionary!
My DD5 has been poorly and then the other kid has so I've managed to avoid it but this kid is coming and staring through my windows. Before knocking my door.
She's out playing in the street, in the twilight and she's obviously cold and there are other kids there with her. I cannot let my DD go out and play because she will elope and I don't want this kid (and the rest of the street) in my daughter's safe space. DD is quite oblivious to her and the stress of sharing her toys is too much for her to comprehend. They're her toys, her regulations (she's perfectly practiced -for a 5year old at least for sharing neutral toys). I'm up for doing a play date but hubby is long term unwell, I work a busy full time job from home and fitting play dates in is difficult - especially if i cant send my daughter into a house that's not safe without going too. As the kids get older we can review but right now it's too much stress for what it's worth.

I've tried speaking to her parents, who are lovely, because every time i send her kid away i get a "hey you ok" text, even though they reckon they don't know she's knocking and window staring.
Any tips to navigate?

If a 5 year old managed to undo all the safety features I'd be concerned that they weren't actually that safe in the first place.

Did your DC enjoy the playdate you had?

Why didn't you stop the child from creating carnage in your home?

The child was in your care and it was up to you to stop them from doing anything you didn't want them to do!

It's fine not to want them to play. If you have the parents' numbers you need to be really direct and ask the child not to knock again.

What would happen if you supervised them playing outside? Perhaps offer that as a compromise.

She's 5, too young really yo be out on the road unless you're willing to sit on the wall watching them play, which is what I used to do, don't know how there was carnage, how long were you away to let that happen. Kids do that all the time in cul de sacs, it's part and parcel unfortunately. Just keep saying no, not today and close the door, would be slow to answer texts as well.

They're safe enough my my DD to not bypass them because she doesn't have the cognitive skill to do it.

Just keep firmly sending her away. I wouldn’t have her over any time for an arranged play date because that will confusing for her and she will take it as a sign it’s ok to knock anytime.

I was trying to make tea for both kids and keep my child regulated as she had a new child in her house playing with things she wasn't prepared to hand over or see damaged.

My DD being neurospicy - we're waiting the formal diagnosis later this month to find out which flavour - whilst she is physically older is not quite at the same level as the other child.
So, what did I do? My best at the time.

This is one of those situations where you just need to have the awkward conversation.

"Hi neighbours, it would be much better for me if we could stick to prearranged playdates instead of X coming to our door. DD has some additional needs and we have to plan things accordingly. Thanks x"

On a separate note, what a stupid word "neurospicy" is.

Each to their own I suppose.

God yes stop saying this it sounds completely ridiculous. Zero need to make neurodiversity sound cutesy or edgy.

That's a good response.

Here we go...the language police, here to tell you what terms you may or may not use because it's so important.

A little off tangent, but there's nothing wrong with using language that I prefer. I didn't want a discussion on the terminology we used as a family to describe the additional needs my daughter has, especially until we get her formal diagnosis and we'll be able to use more specific terms.
I wanted some opinions on having a conversation that's really awkward, or even some validation that other parents have been there, bought the t shirt too. But you do you 🙂

I think that's very good actually.

It is a good response. A nice example I was looking for actually.

A lecture on terminology not so much 😂 but Mumsnet eh?

You don’t need to let the kid in your house (or answer the door to her) if you don’t want to. You don’t need to let your kid out to play either. Personally I wouldn’t let my five year old out in those circumstances either, it’s too young. Tell the little girl to stop looking in house, if she doesn’t then tell her parents. If you get a you ok text, just write “yes, are you?” or ignore.
And say “don’t put your foot in the door please”. She’s five years old. If you can’t assert yourself with a five year old then I don’t know what else to tell you.

Oh and you’re 💯 right about wispa golds. Very underrated chocolate bar

If you have another playdate, maybe you could suggest meeting eg at a local park (with a parent) - your daughter might find that easier than having her in her space and having her touch her toys?

@ThoraZ true, I do tell her firmly to take her foot out 😂 I can tell the kid to go away, but then feel terrible about it because she's only trying to come play with my girl.

This. Part of me thinks you might be abit OTT OP. Kids love playing with each other and knocking on friend's doors. As for carnage, children do make a 'mess'
when having a good time

What is 'neurospicy' meant to mean?

We had a family move in to our street and the children would constantly knock on our door and ask to come in to play. It was multiple times a day. They would walk up our drive and climb up the gate if they could hear us in the garden and ask to come inside. When they first moved in they came round but my little girl found it completely overwhelming and said never again, they were just a whirlwind. We just said the same each time. ‘No thank you, we’re busy right now.’ They eventually got the message and stopped knocking.

Please don't use "neurospicy." Makes no sense whatsoever and it is offensive.

Ffs
Stupid terminology
Just say no