I don't want my daughter to play with another kid in the street.

[WispaGoldsshouldcomeinmultipac]

Strap in this will be a long one. I think I know the answer but I guess I'm looking for reassurance. TLDR: I don't want someone else's kid in my house.

We have moved into a cult de sac. Myself, hubby and a neurospicy 5yr old.
We live opposite a rail line and within about 400yards of a public trail path and river. It's idyllic but this is my issue.
Neighbour has a soon to be 5 year old. Came and had a play date and the house was carnage afterwards. She undid all the safety features we have in place for our daughter who has little to no sense of danger. Toys everywhere, food everywhere, screaming that kinda thing. Since then, she has knocked out door daily asking to come in and play, often putting her foot in my door. She'd make an excellent missionary!
My DD5 has been poorly and then the other kid has so I've managed to avoid it but this kid is coming and staring through my windows. Before knocking my door.
She's out playing in the street, in the twilight and she's obviously cold and there are other kids there with her. I cannot let my DD go out and play because she will elope and I don't want this kid (and the rest of the street) in my daughter's safe space. DD is quite oblivious to her and the stress of sharing her toys is too much for her to comprehend. They're her toys, her regulations (she's perfectly practiced -for a 5year old at least for sharing neutral toys). I'm up for doing a play date but hubby is long term unwell, I work a busy full time job from home and fitting play dates in is difficult - especially if i cant send my daughter into a house that's not safe without going too. As the kids get older we can review but right now it's too much stress for what it's worth.

I've tried speaking to her parents, who are lovely, because every time i send her kid away i get a "hey you ok" text, even though they reckon they don't know she's knocking and window staring.
Any tips to navigate?

Which is why I feel guilty sending her away, but it's not convenient - usually when we're having tea, or starting to wind down for bedtime.
She did enjoy the playdate, but was madly overstimulated afterwards 😂
I don't think I'd mind so much if the parent came down with them. It's hard explaining things like why we've got gates, why we've got child locks, why we do such and such - anyone with a non neurospicy 😉 5 years old will know they don't take "because that's how we run this house" or a variation of for an answer.

Neurospicy is a phrase that used to describe someone who is not neuro typical and who is either undiagnosed or going through the diagnosis process.
I personally have never met anyone who has told me it's offensive.

No one else gets to decide how you refer to yourself or your child, ignore the language police on here op, Neurospicy is perfectly reasonable.

And from that moment on the thread was derailed...

OP - I have two on the autistic spectrum and you haven't offended me in the least. Someone here gave you a great text to send to the girl's mum so if I were you, I'd leave the thread now.
It's just going to go on repeat for pages.

OP - eddiemairswife knows exactly what it means...she just wanted you to bite so she could argue with you. You did.
Ignore it.

This is what I did with autistic DS when he was younger: We had the playdate in the living room since it's the biggest room and also we can bring out the OK to share toys, Play dooh, drawing kit, crafts. His room was off limits. Then I stayed with them ALL the time like a teacher would in school intervening when necessary and initiating games when needed.
I was amazed how easy playdates were with DS 2 who's NT😅. But honestly it was worth all the efforts because my son progressed and learnt how to interact with others. And also the house was not in a mess because I was there and made them help me tidy up when we passed to another activity. Should add that I'm a sahm as well so ofcourse I had more time and patience to focus on my DC but maybe you could do this during holidays or a week-end. Since she lives next door you can just invite her in for a couple of hours and then bring her back. But you need to plan and be present. Wish you all the best !

I’ve never heard neurospicy before but I quite like it. And why is it offensive?

😂😂 so I did!

Damn it. Ah well. I think I've got my answering that lovely text example. So yeh. Cheers.

I dont understand why you cant speak to the girls parents - why is it so hard? You seem to be communicating with them anyway. Tell them your daughter is spicy and all that.

5 year old being out all the time on the street even after it gets dark, left to her own devices, being free to go to random people's houses is way too weird, I hope she is not neglected.

Thank you. That's a good suggestion too. (I had tried to put away all the "precious toys" but the neighbours kid went to get them anyway out the child locked cupboard 😂

What the fuck is "Neuro Spicy"? Never heard that word. Stopped reading after that, sorry,

All kids -and people -are different characters. Stop attaching labels to them.

I am trying to. I have tried to explain to get "her cousins autistic and she's brilliant with him", but there's different types of autistic 😂 and the kid is 5.

A wankier version of saying “my child is spirited”?

I think the OP’s dd actual is under assessment for neurodivergence but why you would muddy the waters and reduce people’s understanding of her needs with such an awful term I don’t know.

Neurospicy isn’t any kind of recognised phrase or “terminology” to describe neurodiversity it’s a new faddy word doing the rounds on social media and IMO opinion used when people want to distance themselves from those with more significant needs. “Oh well yes she’s neurospicy but not like really autistic or anything”

that IMO is why it’s a horrible word.

I think that was a good suggestion about heavily supervising and then it benefits your daughter too.
I've had a couple of playdates where the kid is not interested in playing with mine and even is unkind. They are there for the novelty of new toys. These ones I don't feel bad about redtricting. Is she like this from what you've said?

YABVVVVVVU for using the cringey and tacky expression "Neurospicy" 🤢 I have a neurodiverse child and that really is just as easy to type in my experience

Then you have to make the rules clear: "NO Molly, we don't go around touch things in this home without asking. I have brought everything out here for you to play with" And repeat ad nauseum. Also prepare snacks before so you can just bring it out.

And it would be good if you could speak to the parents asking for them to tell her that your child needs structure and can not do improvisation playdates so please don't come knocking. But we would love to have Molly over x date and time to play.

But it's up to you how often you are able to do it. Working full time and having a sick DH and neurospice in all that, it's understandable that you're tired as well OP so don't push yourself if you're not up to it. I was exhausted and I was a sahm and only had my two children and especially DS1 to focus on so cut yourself some slack.🌷

Be firm with this child's parents. Keep it simple. 'Playdates only, no random calling at the door from now on'. If the child knocks at the door, bring her back to her parents and repeat what you told them. Shut down any talk of how good she is with her cousin and just tell them every child is different and repeat again that it's playdates only, no random calling. If, during a playdate, this child is causing havoc, stop her, take her home if necessary. Her parents are letting her run wild and be someone else's problem instead of actually parenting her.

Neurospicy is a phrase that used to describe someone who is not neuro typical and who is either undiagnosed or going through the diagnosis process.

It's not a phrase, it's a word. I have seen it many times before used by the ND influencers on TikTok. It's a shame that it's making its way into the every day language of the world.

Honestly I would just not answer the door. I guess this is area dependent but I'm concerned at the idea of a 5yo playing out if sight in the street until dark and knocking in doors without the parents knowing (allegedly).

I think I'd give a version of the truth - playdates are too overatimulating for DD at the moment and she particularly finds it difficult to manage unplanned changes to her routine. We're going to have to leave them for now and she what we think in a few months.

I have a neurodiverse child too and this expression made me smile. It's not derogatory and since she hasn't yet been diagnosed OP can't give an accurate diagnosis. You might find the expression "cringey" if you want but it's definitely not offensive! Lighten up folks.

OP I think you need to nip it in the bud. Maybe bake some cookies and bring them over as a kind of meet and greet, and then let them know your child has additional needs, needs to grow into playdates, and can't be left outside unsupervised. And it's been stressful lately since your husband has been ill, but it's so nice to be in this neighbourhood and it was lovely seeing their daughter - and you're over here with cookies to explain the situation so they don't think you're antisocial.

Something along those lines and then they'll understand.

p.s. I don't see a problem with neurospicy as a playful label at all. Both my kids are ND and so am I, and one thing I've learned is that people will label you regardless so I choose to be up front rather than be called weird/awkward/antisocial/blunt.

Adding my voice to the chorus - this is an excellent response.

also ignore all the OPs trying to police your language. Neurospicy sounds less clinical and more affectionate in the limbo between suspicion and diagnosis (not that you need my affirmation!) - you do you!

I understand what you are saying. Where we used to live, other children constantly knocked at the door and stared through the window and wouldn't take no for an answer. DM would let them in when I was at work and the house would be trashed and the fridge empty. I used to say that DC would be back in an hour from their dad's, or a club etc, and they would come back every few minutes banging on the door it drove me insane. (I am also ND).
We moved to an area where you literally had to make an appointment for a play date, with drop off, pick up and menu agreed beforehand! I love it. 😂

It’s a cringy word but who the fuck do people actually think they are with their “please don’t use that word” crap? She can say whatever she likes!!

How offended people get and policing others’ language. Say what you like OP.

I had this with a couple of kids (and my DD, also ND and was around 5 at the time). In the end I would say to the parent that we would meet in the park. But I basically knew for my DD‘s state of mind I couldn’t have them in the house anymore so I just wouldn’t let them in. I out on my Tiger Mum pants and blocked the door.