I don't want my daughter to play with another kid in the street.

[WispaGoldsshouldcomeinmultipac]

Strap in this will be a long one. I think I know the answer but I guess I'm looking for reassurance. TLDR: I don't want someone else's kid in my house.

We have moved into a cult de sac. Myself, hubby and a neurospicy 5yr old.
We live opposite a rail line and within about 400yards of a public trail path and river. It's idyllic but this is my issue.
Neighbour has a soon to be 5 year old. Came and had a play date and the house was carnage afterwards. She undid all the safety features we have in place for our daughter who has little to no sense of danger. Toys everywhere, food everywhere, screaming that kinda thing. Since then, she has knocked out door daily asking to come in and play, often putting her foot in my door. She'd make an excellent missionary!
My DD5 has been poorly and then the other kid has so I've managed to avoid it but this kid is coming and staring through my windows. Before knocking my door.
She's out playing in the street, in the twilight and she's obviously cold and there are other kids there with her. I cannot let my DD go out and play because she will elope and I don't want this kid (and the rest of the street) in my daughter's safe space. DD is quite oblivious to her and the stress of sharing her toys is too much for her to comprehend. They're her toys, her regulations (she's perfectly practiced -for a 5year old at least for sharing neutral toys). I'm up for doing a play date but hubby is long term unwell, I work a busy full time job from home and fitting play dates in is difficult - especially if i cant send my daughter into a house that's not safe without going too. As the kids get older we can review but right now it's too much stress for what it's worth.

I've tried speaking to her parents, who are lovely, because every time i send her kid away i get a "hey you ok" text, even though they reckon they don't know she's knocking and window staring.
Any tips to navigate?

I don’t know anyone in real life that would think it was ok for a 5 year old to go out on the road/knock on people’s houses on their own. I teach young children and if I heard this, I’d be logging it as a safeguarding concern. I would respond to a ‘you ok?’ Text (after you’ve turned child away) with a ‘yes fine thanks. You?’ If they question it, surely you respond with a ‘sorry, we didn’t plan a play date did we? We are busy unfortunately) but the text pp suggested was perfect. Absolutely ridiculous for any parent to assume they can just send their child round to another family uninvited. Yes play dates can be carnage which is why we carefully plan ours!!

Seriously considering changing my handle to "Mama of a Neurospicy kid" just for laughs.

Having researched if it is an offensive term was a wild experience 😂
Almost as wild as the person who found it an offensive word but could casually drop the word fuck in their response.

Thank you for the serious responses here. Some good food for thought and a chuckle too.
Now to work out how to turn the post off 😂

She means her DD has additional needs.
OP, if your language means little to other people and/or it gets in the way of discussion, YABU to use it.
But YANBU to tell the mum her DD can't just come round without any notice.

I think most of us knew what it meant, there is some neurodivergence but not been clarified or formally diagnosed yet/not sure of the flavour as OP says

Ive no time for language police

NEURODIVERGENT, not neurodiverse or neurospicy.

Actually lolling at Cult de sac.

Is David Koresh a neighbour

Bastard autocorrect had me didn't it 😂

Maybe OP is spicy too

Lots of people find the term neurodiverse extremely offensive and inaccurate, but you are entitled of course to use it about your own child if you wish.

It's suspected. But have you SEEN the waits for adult assessment? I may never find out. (Plus waiting for all the comments on "everyone is a little bit autistic, or it's such a tad everyone is getting diagnosed these days").
It's the literal definition of the apple not falling far from the tree with any sort of neuro divergency.
Until I know what actual flavour I am (I'm really pissing the language phobes off now) I wouldn't want to say yes I'm autistic too or whatever else. But the post isn't about my neuro type, it's about how I navigate a situation I was finding awkward. I only mentioned DDs neuro type because it's important context I felt.

I like neuro spicy! I completely understood from the get go that ops child was not NT but there wasn’t a specific ‘label’. Plus this is her child and she can use any bloody ‘label’ she wants to use.

anyway op you’ve had some great advice but unless you can supervise and tell the other child what she can’t do then I wouldnt have her in the house your child needs to feel safe in her own space ..

Glad you found my message suggestion useful. Apologies if I caused the derailment, I was just saying as an aside I thought it was a stupid term. I think offensive is a bit of a reach, not sure people have a right to be offended by how someone else refers to themselves/their child.

Just another wild ride on the the Mumsnet train.

A useful reminder why I don't do this often 😂

My whole household is ND of varying degrees and shades and I use neurospicy as a way to include us all.
The neurospicies at 42 is what my dp calls us.

I like it because its inclusive to everyone with neurodiversity. It's a silly word because sometimes you don't want to have to explain you've got a profoundly autistic child as well as a more able child with autism also. It is fucking exhausting when people want to know what you're all diagnosed with or in the process of being diagnosed so neurospicy is quite handy and takes away a bit of the seriousness.

Which of course is why most mumsnetters hate it 😂

I can't believe the neighbours trust the new adults on the street with their 5 year old

To be honest I always thought 'carnage' was just the part and parcel of having a friend round to play 🤣
You don't Have to let the child in I'd you don't want to, but I'd be careful about being so micro managing in the future about your daughter playing out. She might be a bit young now but in the next year or two she should be allowed some outside time.
Children need a bit of freedom, and if it's a cul de sac setting it should be relatively safe with minimal traffic.

What does it mean?

Yes, I would agree that's what it is. It's a way of distancing themselves from those with significant needs.

This is one of the reasons I feel doing away with the term Asperger's was not a good idea. I believe the reason for this was because it was named after Dr Asperger who was a Nazi doctor? But in effect it had left one word to describe a huge spectrum of disorders. Hence things like neurospicy coming into play.

I don't find it particularly offensive. And I think people in defence of it would say that it adds a bit of fun to a condition that can be difficult and have stigmas attached. And I don't disagree with that, I can imagine the word neurospicy is a lot more accessible / attractive a term for young children or teenagers to use, which can only be a good thing.

However, overall I'm not keen, and feel that some proper, medically accepted terms should be introduced to distinguish between higher and lower needs on the spectrum.

Sorry, just read the rest of the thread and saw this has been done to death.

There is that.

I mean they're trusting of another set of parents with their own 5 year old 🤷🏼

Do you know what, there’s actually a lot wrong with it. It’s utterly belittling, makes you sound like you see your DD’s issues as something cute or edgy, that you fetishise it. It just gives the nod to probably the most damaging aspect of the way in which additional needs like your daughters have become ‘of interest’ shall we say, to the idiots of TikTok and the kind of dimwit wannabe-differents. Language has context. The context for me, the second I read your idiotic description of your DD as ‘neurospicy’ but that you didn’t yet know what her ‘flavour’ was 🙄 is as follows -

‘oh, one of THOSE parents. So there could well be nothing wrong with this child, but she’s got an idiot mum who probably follows all kind of ‘ADHD is so cool’ pages on Instagram. And the little visitor could well have done nothing more than tip over a toy box, because whatever this woman writes needs to be taken with a pinch of
salt’

I can guarantee you that using that term to describe your DD to other adults will attract judgement, and probably a degree of scepticism that she has additional needs. If that’s what you want - you do you, as you say.

But language has context and you would do well to realise that asap when advocating for your DD.

I know its not the point of your post , OP, but did you say you live close to a railway line?

I'd be concerned that this 4 year old is out on the streets on her own, knocking on doors and what not.

I quite like it as some one neurospicy. None of us in my family really fit into an obvious autism/ADHD/ADD diagnosis but we are definitely not NT.

I know this isn’t the point of the thread but in case you didn’t know the term “spicy” is also used by certain types to mean “kinky” so it makes me cringe so much to see it used about a child.

If parents are nice just explain to them that DD is possibly ND and she gets anxious when other people come in her safe place and also that she is not yet allowed to play outside without parental supervision.