To wish we hadn’t bought this house

[wishihadntgottgishouse]

I’ve had this thought for a long time now. 2.5 years ago we bought a detached property in a new build area. Tbh we were desperately looking for a home and at that time a house would come on and be sold within days. It was so hard finding a home. I really never liked it but as DH kept pointing out it’s his money and I don’t contribute (I’m a stay at home mum but have gone to work part time when kids in school recently).

the thing is the elderly neighbour next to us keeps telling me we got scammed as he’s got the exact same house (new builds all the same) and he paid considerably less than us. He bought his 6 months before us. He keeps telling us other neighbours who bought a better home paid less than us. So we’re the second family to live here and we paid £190k more than the first family who bought it 4 years ago before us. I don’t know how to get over this. I feel really embarrassed when neighbour brings it up. My husband has let the house get ruined as the paintwork had chipped of and shower leaking has caused marks in hallway ceiling. I’m embarrassed of having anyone come in. Everytime I try to speak to him he tells me to use my own money to fix the problems. I’ve only just gone to work and I don’t earn much.

So? It surely isn't a surprise that property prices continue to skyrocket. It may be a surprise to your elderly neighbour but can't be a surprise to you unless you live a completely sheltered life. I bought a property 15 years ago and I am selling it for three times the price that I bought it for because... inflation.
The rest is a husband problem and I don't have any advice for how to solve it except LTB

Your neighbour is wrong, new builds don't depreciate, the ones near me have gone up by a half in just a few years e.g a £300k just sold for £450k. I wish I'd bought one! I'd avoid him as he clearly enjoys winding you up.

If the agent put your house on the market for considerably more than it was worth it would have been obvious to everybody including your husband and your solicitor and your mortgage company. Did you get a survey done? The price would have come up at some point.

But why would he go on about this? Some people are just weird.

Property prices fluctuate all the time, especially in places like the UK where the housing market is under such intense pressure. People often pay over the odds.

Your neighbour is a complete twat for rubbing your nose in this. Presumably to inflate his tiny ego because his own life is shit.

1. Your neighbour is a moron,.lots of them about. Tell him it's all relative, house prices go up and you bought so what. Then ignore the prick. Blank him at every opportunity
2. Nor sure why your husband can't or won't fix things. Some blokes are just lazy and will sit in their own ruin. Learn to DIY, there is a spray from Screwfix you can use on water marks to get rid, you can learn to paint. It's not hard.
3. If his issue is you don't pay for stuff that a wiser relationship issue.

@SabreIsMyFave and @Dotto - yes, I re-read that and I did express it wrongly. I have edited it. It is family money. What I was trying to express is that it must be pretty annoying to spend money on a home and have your partner complaining about it on the basis of what the neighbour is saying about it.

And of course OP can have an opinion on where she lives but she was surely involved in the choice to buy it and is involved in its upkeep.

@wishihadntgottgishouse I'm sure the responses have come as a shock to you, but the truth is, your husband/marriage is the problem here.

It wasn't 'his' money; it's marital money. Especially if you were a sahp at the time of the purchase for the best interests of the family, which includes him.

It sounds like you're in a financially abusive relationship, with a many who doesn't actually make good financial decisions to boot. You might be better off without out, tbh, emotionally and financially in the long run. I'd look into it.

I meant compliant!

Maybe you did pay over for the house, maybe you didn't. The houses on our street keep shooting up in value, so there are huge differences in what people paid depending on when they moved it. It's not that those who moved here later got a bad deal, it just reflects rising property prices in our area.

Your neighbour sounds like an arse. Very intrusive and know it all. Avoid him or just smile and nod while you hear white noise in your head and move on.

Your DH sounds like a major problem. You are married. You are a team. He is working to earn money. You are working to run a household and a family - and now also earning. You need to be using that money to pay for all the necessary bills etc and then treating it as family money. I think you need to have some very serious conversations around how money is managed in your household.

xx

Practice neighbor avoidance strategies -

“goodness, can’t talk now I’m 30 minutes late already….”

earbuds in & “pantomime - I’m on the phone”. Run….

into house … I’ve got a video call in 1 minute got to log on

etc etc

prices fluctuate …. Someone has to be low, someone high.

May I remind you that they will ALWAYS be older than you. Take pleasure in that math.

By 'that money' I mean the money in his paycheck which should be for both of you!

No, it's clear OP is under coercive control and feels she has reduced choice:-

I really never liked it but as DH kept pointing out it’s his money and I don’t contribute

That’s personal choice as a couple.there is no law of family money, it’s usually a made up construct by the person who earns less and wants to enjoy their partners earnings.. He can do as he wishes with what he earns, which is legally is, and she can do the same, and if she doesn’t like it leave. As much as folks hate that idea, it is simply factual

people need to stop posting about what other folks should do.

The new build (standard issue large estate) I sold to buy my current house went up in value in the 5 years we owned it. We paid almost £200k more for our current house (standalone, individual new build) than the previous owners did 4 years prior. Does that makes us mugs? Well, maybe, but we love it here and it represented excellent value compared to the other properties we viewed. My point being, a house is worth what you'll pay for it, and it's not at all unusual for a house, even a new build, to increase significantly in value over 4-5 years. Stop listening to your neighbour, he's obviously just one of those that's who gets great joy over feeling superior for absolutely no reason. Don't give him the air time.

Your DH is your problem here. He sounds like a financially abusive bully. Don't stick around for another 12 years of that bullshit. Find yourself a place of your own that you actually like without him, I'm sure you'd be happier.

Why are you going on about the neighbour when you are in an abusive marriage?

Some people hold a misplaced grudge. In my parent's small street the council made a bit of waste land into a carpark for 8 cars. The person whose house was nearest wasn't happy and spent the next 10 years moaning at anyone who parked there as his retaliation!

“If you mention my house price again , I’ll find a For Sale sign and shove it up your arse”

"Everytime I try to speak to him he tells me to use my own money to fix the problems."
This is worrying as it suggests he hasn't got enough money to pay for the repairs - is he in debt - do you know?
It's also terrible that in his mind he thinks the house is all his and he wants you to pay for the upkeep!

Any house price is arbitrary. A house is worth what someone will pay for it at any given time. The good news is that when you leave your nasty husband, you are likely to get a share of the value of the house whether you paid towards it or not.

Gosh, there are 2 big issues going on here, at least. Your neighbour needs to stop bringing up the price difference and that you were scammed and so on. That's probably the easiest thing to fix, grey rock him. The fact that you paid more for your house isn't surprising, property prices have been rising!

However, the main issue is your DH who is talking about 'his' money. Even though he is the breadwinner surely he sees the money as belonging to you both? In a marriage you share everything!

Also, why is he allowing the house to get into a state of disrepair? If he does have debts, why isn't he telling you? He seems resentful and non-communicative.

Why is he allowing the house to get into disrepair when you are at home and could fix things yourself?

You’re entitled to atleast half of everything in his name. Not his… joint money. Get that into your head. then get a therapist and build some self esteem.

If you are really concerned about the price paid for the neighbours house you could send on line for the land registry documents for their house. It takes a couple of minutes and costs £3. @wishihadntgottgishouse

House prices go up. Shock. Has anyone noticed this happening at any time in the last 20 years?

Op, we rented a house when we first lived here. We couldn't buy, and the house we rented type was going for £120k. We then came into a bit of money just at the point our landlady needed to sell (it was her mum's house and she needed it for care) about 18 months later.
We got it valued, and paid slightly less than current market value at £160k.
It went on the market around 5 years later at £250k, which was current price, but things dropped heavily over the next year and we ended up selling at at again slightly less than market value at £170k.
8 years later, it went back on the market and sold at £435k.

If we'd had a crystal ball and been able to predict the market, then we'd have done much better. However, you do what you need to do at the time. If we'd had the money and bought when we first moved here, we'd have saved around £60k (price of house, plus rent paid). But we couldn't and didn't.

Don't look at what others pay. Even two very similar houses can go for different amounts, 6 months apart. If you've never been keen on the house that's probably effecting how you feel about doing things though. Maybe if you start making a list of things needing to be done, then you'll be able to work through this.

Your neighbour is horrid
but you really have a dh problem

the vast majority of money spent on our house was dh’s, thanks to his significantly higher salary and a recent inheritance.
But he’d never suggest it was anything other than our house and anything that needs doing is a joint responsibility. I often organise it, though it will get paid for from the joint account which will always be technically mostly his money