To wish we hadn’t bought this house

[wishihadntgottgishouse]

I’ve had this thought for a long time now. 2.5 years ago we bought a detached property in a new build area. Tbh we were desperately looking for a home and at that time a house would come on and be sold within days. It was so hard finding a home. I really never liked it but as DH kept pointing out it’s his money and I don’t contribute (I’m a stay at home mum but have gone to work part time when kids in school recently).

the thing is the elderly neighbour next to us keeps telling me we got scammed as he’s got the exact same house (new builds all the same) and he paid considerably less than us. He bought his 6 months before us. He keeps telling us other neighbours who bought a better home paid less than us. So we’re the second family to live here and we paid £190k more than the first family who bought it 4 years ago before us. I don’t know how to get over this. I feel really embarrassed when neighbour brings it up. My husband has let the house get ruined as the paintwork had chipped of and shower leaking has caused marks in hallway ceiling. I’m embarrassed of having anyone come in. Everytime I try to speak to him he tells me to use my own money to fix the problems. I’ve only just gone to work and I don’t earn much.

That's not at all true. A marriage is a solemn contract between two people that involves a number of rights and obligations with regard to children, property, money and behaviour.

Everything is deemed to be jointly owned and usually in childless marriage the division of assets starts at 50/50 unless there is a pre-nup but if children are involved and the wife has given up work to look after the children then she may well be entitled to more than half depending on their circumstances. Whatever the circcumstances, he will be ordered to provide for them financially until they are 18. It is possible that he may be ordered to provide financially for his wife too. She will also be entitled to a share of his pension because of the length of the marriage and because she's taken a break in her career to look after their children. It's possible that if there are not sufficient assets to divide and be able to buy two houses with one being large enough for the children then she will be entitled to stay in the house and he would have to rent elsewhere and it would only be sold when the youngest child reaches 18.

The OP is in a financially abusive relationship and her husband needs to be told in no uncertain terms what the future looks like for him financially if he doesn't start properly valuing his wife's contribution to their marriage.

I think you need a new husband who understands there’s no such thing as “his” money and “your” money in a marriage. Best way for him to find out this lesson is when he loses 50% of “his” money in the divorce. You can sell the house in the process and that’s your other problem solved.

Why don’t you get the house valued to see what you are dealing with? How do you know what what the neighbour is saying is fact?

You need to reframe your thoughts on your house. Ignore your idiot neighbour - house prices have increased massively over the last few years.

Regarding the house, sorting out those stains is an easy fix - buy a stain blocker, paint it on and then repaint over the stains when dry. Maybe assert yourself a bit more with your husband, who does sound rather bullying. Don't let other people put you off your house, you're very fortunate to own one. My daughter is incredibly practical whereas her husband isn't and she does most of the DIY and decorating!!! This could be you!!!!

I think the only time you need to worry about the price of your house is when you finally decide to divorce your ghastly husband OP.

This

The neighbour and the husband are both pricks

House prices have gone up in 4 years what do you expect

It's obvious what you meant.

Your neighbour is a twat.

Your husband is a controlling bully.

File for divorce and get a new home.

This. With bells on.

Why is everyone blaming the husband? Maybe he didn't want his wife to be SAHM and he begrudges having to pay for everything whilst she moans about the state of the house? Maybe she needs to contribute more so they can fix the house problems? There's nothing worse than somebody who doesn't contribute financially demanding things that cost money.

As long as the husband takes on 50% of childcare and chores then that is fair enough and would enable OP to get a decent job. If he won't take on any of that responsibility then she can't work f/t and his income has to be shared to reflect that.

And despite what your DH thinks as you're married the house a marital asset, so he can point out all he wants it matters not.

Nope, he's wrong. Our new build has doubled in price over 10 years. I'd image all but the most woefully neglected houses appreciate over time.

Ain't nothing wrong with the bricks and mortar.

Remind the neighbour that in your experience, men who brag the loudest have a small penis.

Remind DH that you are equal and he if doesn't give his head a wobble, he'll be giving you half the house in the divorce.

The house went up in value - you didn’t pay more than everyone else did because you didn’t buy at the same time as them. You paid the market rate four years later. Your neighbour is an idiot. Tell the neighbour that and tell him you’re tired of this slightly competitive gloating. You could even tell him you had lots of extras thrown in.

Your husband, however, is a complete arse. MY money, MY house, MY decisions: he certainly likes to put you in your place and tell you who you owe it all to, doesn’t he? I’d work to find a way to become financially independent. Otherwise, you’re trapped.

Tell Kirsty Allsop’s grandad to eff off. Then look up financial abuse and deal with your dh

Well, we don't know that do we? So, once again, why is everyone jumping on the husband without knowing the full facts?

How silly of him. He could have bought that piece of land. That's what we did. Made our 'land' a third bigger having a big extra plot of land at the side.

The main issue is your husband.

The other issue is you bought at not a great time in recent history but it’s done now. The neighbour can easily compare any sold house price they want to as can you. It’s not worth dwelling on though and just ignore them. The only issue is when you sell. The house next door to me has sold at 80k,124k, 106k, 290k over last 26 years.

The only time a true 50/50 or whatever percentage is agreed on or forced is on divorce when assets are split. A SAHP or any lower paid spouse relies on their marriage partner being a decent human. It’s why this board has been littered with women over many years who don’t have enough money to buy an essential item whilst their husbands are off buying new bikes or having lads weekends away.

That's worth knowing. I always thought they reduced prices to sell the few remaining properties quickly! My daughter has been looking for a new build and I've been telling her to wait until the prices drop!!

Your husband is a twat! That’s your issue!

I stopped reading when you said you don’t contribute. You do contribute, you look after the kids. Charge him the going rate for childcare if you have to.

Don't house prices usually go up after the first buyers?

With new builds, not always - especially if new houses are still on sale at similar prices.

Depends on the local market of course.

The neighbour's opinions don't matter. The real problem is your husband and the way he is controlling everything. Just because you take on most of the childcare and work less, it doesn't mean you don't have any say in anything. I would just buy some paint and paint the walls and ceiling. Get your husband to buy it. And if he wants to be awkward at your expense, increase your work hours and tell him he needs to be there for the children.

Tell your neighbour to stop talking about it. a) It's none of his business b) He's already told you at least a dozen times c) you are bored by the conversation.

Then deal with your horrible husband.