It's just a fiver

[user7699099]

I have a new manager at my workplace and she is arranging a collection for a member of staff for their birthday. Today she told everyone she is doing the collection and everyone can put £5 in.

I told her I don't contribute to collections as I can't afford too and she replied its just a fiver.

£5 might not be much to her and some of the other staff who work full time but I work part time and every penny I earn is needed.

Now I feel really embarrassed that I had to refuse giving £5 because money is tight, but I know it wont be a one off there will always be a collection for someone's birthday, leaving, baby etc

AIBU?

Not in my contract to be forced to hand over cash on a regular basis for gifts. Are you that insecure you need a little pressie from people you work with! Grow up!

It might have been said without thinking.
Opting out is the only solution.

A good few years ago now when i was a seriously struggling student nurse and totally poor but trying to better my life, my daughter was finishing nursery and one of the mums told everyone that we had to give £2 towards a leaving present, i literally didnt have it barely scraping by and i was upset and told her i didnt, she was so rude to me and made me feel like shit, i ended up so upset by the way she treated me like how can i not afford it. I remember posting on here about it and so many people made me feel better about things and donated stuff and all sorts to me, it felt like i had many guardian angels looking after me at that time. I never forgot how mums on here made me feel and gave me hope again. Now a qualified nurse for many years and i give back all the time and always pay it forward. Those days taught me a lot and changed me to the person i am now.. Forever grateful to mumsnet

Tell her exactly this. She doesn't have the same financial challenges as you. Other staff might feel same as you and be grateful you have raised this....

The more I think about that Not much of team player… comment, the more outrageous I find it. There's a real spiteful bullies demanding money with menaces tone to it - 'pay up or I'll tell everyone you're a bad person'.

Maybe the OP needs to go beyond saying 'no' and get HR to veto any of this threatening nonsense.

It's not stingy when money is tight and you have to account for every penny.

Years ago, at a PTA meeting, the PTA were deciding to charge entry for the school fete at £1 an adult and 50p a child, "as it's nothing." I volunteered at the CAB at the time, and had seen white-faced people come in needing food bank vouchers, having walked miles to reach us as they couldn't afford the bus. I made referrals to (the new thing, at the time) of baby banks, because there was no money in the budget for shoes or uniforms, or even toiletries. We handed over vouchers for energy, too, for key budget meters. I knew just how painfully tight financial decisions were for some families.

I asked, what about a mum who has to spend £2.50 on getting in, before spending a fiver on the bits and bobs and even that being almost nothing compared to peers - and they wanted to make it "nothing" when she very possibly had a fiver a day per person for food after all other basic living costs, as it was? And I was met with thinly veiled impatience because nobody, nobody could be so skint that that was an issue for them.

People's idea of "nothing" is all too often based on utter ignorance on how other people live.

If you spend a fiver per birthday and there are 20 people in the office, that's £100 a year. Throw in that for leaving, babies, retirement and illness and it's doubled. That's not "nothing" at all for a large number of people.

My DD had this yesterday. Someone from accounts phoned down and asked why she and her boss hadn’t put any money in for X’s leaving gift. DD said because she doesn’t carry cash.

Her boss scrabbled in the bottom of her handbag and came up with £1.60 so they gave that between them which the accounts woman was very po-faced about 😂. DD and her boss have worked there for a month and never even met X.

Why have they started this protection-racket stuff at a time when a lot of people would prefer to be wfh anyway? How to alienate your workforce.

Team player or team PAYER?

The sheer entitlement to others money from some is astounding

Oh at my workplace you don't even get vouchers, you just get cash in an envelope. It really does defeat the object! 🤣

Have a quiet private word with her, and explain how you feel. Ask her to not approach you again on the matter. And say that your request to opt out needs to be respected in the same way as her decision to opt in.

I mean that 2 employees have purchased a house. So now there are two separate collections to buy them a gift each.

Funnily enough no collection was put out for me when I got mine a year ago!

Contributing to a collection has nothing to do with being a team player. Team players support each other with the workload at work. Some may become friends. Neither things mean that you should be bullied or shamed into giving to a collection.

Even with my closest friends and particularly now in a cost of living crisis I don't expect gifts. So I certainly don't expect to give to a collection or get one. I'd be furious if people were bullied into contributing to anything for me.

Sometimes I wish I could press the 'thanks' icon more than once.

No thread like this is complete without someone spouting team player bollocks. 🙄

What is it to do with you how someone else spends their money?

Not everyone wants to put in for work collections and that should absolutely be ok. So long as they're not also expecting a collection when their day rolls around, I don't see the problem.

It's unfair to expect people to put in any amount of money that isn't given completely willingly because the person wanted to do so. Not because they worried that @CurlyhairedAssassin would judge them for daring to spend their own money on nights out, expensive makeup or living at home.

I assume if you can't afford to give at any point-you would expect to have to complete an itemised list of all expenditure to make sure you haven't overspent on makeup or nights out?

I see this a lot actually, a very uneven way of deciding who is receiving the presents.

You get flowers because you had a baby but she doesn’t.

She got wine because she moved house but he doesn’t.

She got something for her 30th, her engagement, her wedding, her house move and her baby, all within a year. But you (who has worked there for 15 years) get nothing for your 40th.

And people notice all this inequality. They might not say it, but they see it.

I really don't like workplace collections.

In theory, they seem quite nice and well-intentioned. In practice, I think they often create more problems and I think, in all honesty, most should just be stopped.

I think a lot of people put into them because they feel some unspoken pressure to do so. Even if it's made out that it's completely voluntary and no one is being forced-most people do feel a level of pressure to put in lest they appear "tight" or "mean-spirited," or "not a team player."

There's also the issue of workplace politics. Collections very rarely can be done completely equally. You can't mandate that everyone puts in the same amount for every collection and that the same amount of people contribute per collection.

So, you could have one employee who is supremely popular and people contribute a ton to their collection and they get very obviously expensive gifts/gift vouchers.

Then, you might have another who is maybe not as popular or quieter and people don't contribute as much or less people put in. Thus, meaning they don't get as much spent on them.

As much as it "shouldn't" matter-it does. What was once a nice gesture can turn very quickly into something that leaves someone feeling negative about something that was meant to be positive.

Stick to your guns, it might be ‘only a fiver’ but it’s also your choice. I only give collections of select people

That is an unfair comment. You cannot comment on someone’s personal finances, and deem it stingy.

For a lot of people, a fiver could be the difference between paying a bill on time or not.

Office collections should really be stopped. They put unnecessary pressure on people to ‘show up’ when the reality is, these people are colleagues not family or close friends (obvs some become close friendships), and no one should feel pressured or obligated to cough up their hard earned and perhaps stretched money.

I work for the civil service we only do collections for when people leave, I’m happy to put in but then I earn a decent full time salary. When I was part time in a low paid job I was far more reluctant. When I was a manager given my wage was higher than others I would always put in extra/additional to make up for those who couldn’t afford it, I would never make people bad for not putting in!

I opted out of my work one when a girl going on mat leave was given a few hundred pounds just ridiculous

She's your manager so presumably gets paid more than you. She's in no position to say 'it's just a fiver' to you.

Yanbu.

When I was a single mum I was earning quite decent salary but their dad paid nothing so I was paying nursery X2 and a big mortgage on my own and every penny was accounted for for a while. I had to skip meals but if you looked at my headline salary that wouldn't have been obvious (I wasn't bad with money, ex H drained our joint savings and refused to contribute a penny until I took legal action. I also had to pay for lawyers to get a court order to keep us safe from ex)

People can't know someone else's financial situation and it's not ok to expect people to spend money like this. Collections are ok but should be anonymous and not compulsory. People shouldnt have to explain their finances at work.