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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's just a fiver

233 replies

user7699099 · 24/10/2024 17:21

I have a new manager at my workplace and she is arranging a collection for a member of staff for their birthday. Today she told everyone she is doing the collection and everyone can put £5 in.

I told her I don't contribute to collections as I can't afford too and she replied its just a fiver.

£5 might not be much to her and some of the other staff who work full time but I work part time and every penny I earn is needed.

Now I feel really embarrassed that I had to refuse giving £5 because money is tight, but I know it wont be a one off there will always be a collection for someone's birthday, leaving, baby etc

AIBU?

OP posts:
SputnikKazinski · 25/10/2024 21:48

If it’s “just a fiver” then she can cover your contribution surely?

very rude

Sleepytiredyawn · 25/10/2024 21:54

Good on you for saying no. About 20 years ago when working in a bar there was £3 written on the outside of my payslip to say it was £3 short for someone’s birthday. I wasn’t even asked and it use to piss me off as it was nearly 1 hours pay back then.

Deeperthantheocean · 25/10/2024 22:05

A fiver every time has a birthday adds up. I remember putting in every year for occasions, which really should've been paid for by above. When it was to turn to get a present for getting married, got bugger all!

Origamiheaven · 25/10/2024 22:09

StarSlinger · 24/10/2024 17:30

We only do cards and a collection for retirements,someone leaving and big birthdays, but no one is obliged to sign the card or give to a collection.

Same

fragrantdisregard · 25/10/2024 22:21

I guess I'm stingy, because money's not so tight that I couldn't afford to contribute, but I simply don't see the need to buy gifts for people I barely know, just because we happen to work in the same place. If they're actually a friend, I can get then something on my own. I try to be careful with money, and I'd resent being asked to spend money when I'm only there to earn!

Pickledprawn · 25/10/2024 22:25

I refused to put in for a collection at a previous workplace of mine and it made me very unpopular. I didn't like the people and I didn't want to spend money on them!

Seasideresort · 25/10/2024 22:30

I would've hammered home the point and made her feel bad by saying "If I give you a fiver, it means that my child can't eat for two days".

Seasideresort · 25/10/2024 22:31

So, I'm sorry but I'm not to take food out of my child's mouth to give someone I don't know that well a present". Makes the point...

BlueFlowers5 · 25/10/2024 23:07

An envelope would get passed around for a collection - I would at most put in £2 - sometimes just hand the envelopes on.

MibsXX · 26/10/2024 06:49

CurlyhairedAssassin · 25/10/2024 21:25

It all depends on how many people at your workplace, and what range of grades there are.

At my workplace there is only a collection for big birthdays, a new baby or someone leaving. And for any colleague who lost their spouse. We arrange it so that the teachers put in a fiver, the (lower paid) support staff are asked to put in £3. There is no expectation to give.It seems doable. A couple of the younger staff hardly ever put in but still write on the joint card which feels a bit off. They are also the ones who have all the latest expensive makeup, new clothes etc and are out a lot. So I feel it's a bit unfair to claim they can't give 3 quid every few months when they seem to have so much disposable income (they still live at home)

But its not right to expect anyone to spend their money on strangers?

Sartre · 26/10/2024 06:52

YANBU because it sets a precedent for the £5 being expected every time it’s someone’s birthday and that could add up to a fair amount over the year!

I personally really dislike collections like this. It doesn’t happen where I work but did happen in my DS’s reception class last year before the summer holidays and I just didn’t join in so I was ostracised and parents are still off with me now. We baked buns for the teachers and DS made them a nice card which they were chuffed with. No need for the forced collection for a spa voucher or whatever it was.

ThomasPatrickKeatingsDegas · 26/10/2024 07:03

It’s becoming ridiculous at my work, everyone is leaving the company because it’s shit, and multiple people are leaving a month and I’m in endless WhatsApp groups for whip arounds for people that aren’t even on my team. I used to chip in but stopped now, it was getting too expensive.

Jack80 · 26/10/2024 08:43

I hate being dictated to, if I want to put in it will put in what I can afford or not at all

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 26/10/2024 08:46

Good for you OP. Office collections are a menace. So long as you’re clear that you don’t want or expect one for yourself in any circumstances it’s reasonable.

CatsnCoffeeetal · 26/10/2024 09:29

Even if you can afford to pay a fiver, why should someone appoint themself to decide and enforce an amount? You might be able to afford £5, £10, £100 but it’s your choice whether you contribute or not.

JustPoppinBy · 26/10/2024 09:43

FeistyFrankie · 24/10/2024 17:26

Hmm. I’d have donated £2 but.. yeah I guess if you don’t have the money you don’t have the money. Does seem a little stingy though.

This is the attitude that causes the pressure though isn’t it? You’ve acknowledged OP saying she doesn’t have the money but called her stingy anyway?
It’s not £2, it’s £5, and if she does it for one she’ll have to do it for every birthday collection, so it’s not even just £5 really is it. She DOES NOT have the money spare. That’s it, end off.
Stick to your guns OP, the money you earn at work is for you, not for you to feel pressured into spending at work! That doesn’t make you ‘stingy’, you need your money and that’s that.

August1980 · 26/10/2024 10:05

FeistyFrankie · 24/10/2024 17:26

Hmm. I’d have donated £2 but.. yeah I guess if you don’t have the money you don’t have the money. Does seem a little stingy though.

This was my thought too. Not much of team player…

Cattyisbatty · 26/10/2024 10:10

We had a collection for someone leaving recently- we are v small team, first person to leave in years. An amount was suggested but people gave less and more. I took the bacs payments as was buying the gifts.
I used to work in places we had collections all the time and I gave a quid or so depending n who it was for - if they were a friend I’d give more.,

ToMeToYou2024 · 26/10/2024 10:39

August1980 · 26/10/2024 10:05

This was my thought too. Not much of team player…

Show quote history

So say the people who HAVE £2/£5...

Madrigal12 · 26/10/2024 11:07

I can't believe companies still allow someone to go around like this, no-one should be embarrassed or coerced into giving.
Common practice at ours was for office admin to send an envelope and a card around, you could sign it, add some ££ to envelope if you wished and then pass it along....

BlueEyedLeucy · 26/10/2024 11:28

I think work place collections should be voluntary and handled with care. As an aside to a previous comment, I don’t think it’s a ‘be kind’/female workplace thing. I’ve worked in a male dominated environment for nearly 10 years and we do collections. Not for birthdays, but other life events. For birthdays, the birthday person brings in cake if they want to, but that’s it and it’s far less common now we’re hybrid working.
People put in what they can afford…sometimes that’s nothing, sometimes it’s generous. I don’t put cash in to collections for people outside of my team or project team, but I may sign the card. For collections, I put in a few quid when I was a skint grad, now I put in £5 - £10 depending on what/who it’s for, with the exception of putting £50 when our department admin/PA lady retired cause the amount of help she gave to everyone, she deserved a hefty contribution!

DeanElderberry · 26/10/2024 11:35

'not much of a team player'

Not just judgy but ridiculous

spending money isn't play

work isn't play

teamwork isn't about accepting compulsory purchase of birthday presents for strangers

BambinaCucina · 26/10/2024 11:38

YANBU, especially in this financial climate.

At a place I used to work, there was a birthday club, and you had to opt in. And then it was £x per month to the organiser. They would then give the money to one of the members to buy a gift for the birthday girl/boy (it was a bit like secret Santa). If you didn't opt in, you weren't bothered. I thought it a good idea if you're going to do that sort of thing - that way, the people who dont want to participate don't have to

PeachyPeachTrees · 26/10/2024 13:28

I don't say that I can't afford it. I just say I am opting out.

Pootle23 · 26/10/2024 14:06

I only give anything if I like the person, however, I don’t give to Birthday collections. They are work colleagues not friends and I’m happy to not receive any either.

I always refuse secret Santa shite too! It’s a total waste of money, who needs tat from a work colleague.

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