It's just a fiver

[user7699099]

I have a new manager at my workplace and she is arranging a collection for a member of staff for their birthday. Today she told everyone she is doing the collection and everyone can put £5 in.

I told her I don't contribute to collections as I can't afford too and she replied its just a fiver.

£5 might not be much to her and some of the other staff who work full time but I work part time and every penny I earn is needed.

Now I feel really embarrassed that I had to refuse giving £5 because money is tight, but I know it wont be a one off there will always be a collection for someone's birthday, leaving, baby etc

AIBU?

That's really presumptuous of her.

There's regular collections for leavers at my work and I decide how much to put in based on how well I know the person.

I would hope that if I get a leaving gift it's because people will miss me and appreciate what I've done, not because they were ordered to give £5.

It also leaves people in the ridiculous position of having to have cash on them all the time.

My cash simply wasn't disposable. It went on bills and then it went into my shopping account. Actual "disposable" money went on my child. Really don't understand how in this day and age we can's see that it might be uncomfortable and difficult to have to contribute to arbitrary extra expenses.

I don't mind people doing collections, I do mind the pressure and calling out!

These days you can do online collections and people can donate whatever they like as a named or anonymous contributor. It can go out as one mass email without having to badger individuals. It's much fairer and is the best of both worlds.

With the exception of @FeistyFrankie, who has quite rightly been called out for her twatty post-it’s incredibly heart warming to see all these comments in support of you saying no.
Normally these kind of MN posts are filled with the “desperately wanting to appear wealthy to strangers” brigade, the kind that pretend they’re on 300k a year and think nothing of forking out 100k for Persephones private school 🤣

This thread is the side of Mumsnet I like to see. OP you were 100% in the right with this. When I still worked in the office (I’m wfh now) I was in a small team of 9, and we felt obliged to put a tenner in for every bloody birthday-which wasn’t too bad when it was someone I genuinely liked, but there was one bad egg in our team, “the mood Hoover” and every single one of us begrudged the fact that she would get £80 spent on her every birthday (we weren’t being mean, she was utterly vile and rude) so we jacked it in eventually and would just sign a card. Which literally nobody minded and it took a huge amount of pressure off

You are forgetting the Mumsnet rule. It’s your money you can do whatever you want with it.
Who appointed you to be the judge of who or what is stingy?

I've not come across that as being said on here a lot but maybe because it doesn't need to be as it's everyone's rule is it?

Like a PP ims glad to see @FeistyFrankie being challenged by so many

Reminds me of when I was working in a shop years ago and the manager was turning 50, the assistant manager asked that everyone give £10 because she was going on a cruise for her birthday and she was going to use it as spending money. I gave £5 instead and then a week later the assistant manager approached me and said I still owed her another fiver as I hadn’t put £10 in. I stupidly gave her the other fiver and when I think back to doing that I’m so annoyed with myself for not telling her to piss off! It was years ago and still annoys me.

Thankfully, in my last job the CEO was very hot on certain things you would think were not his priorities. One of those was if there was catering for visitors, etc, enough food would be bought for everyone based in the office and people encouraged to come down to the lounge rather than make ourselves scarce because there were visitors.

Anyway, he felt strongly that no-one should be expected to give to collections and collections should only be for 'big' events in people's lives. Normal birthdays the office manager bought a card and a bun with a candle in it. Big events, an envelope was left in someone's desk top drawer and email went round to say people could contribute if they wished. His own birthday was a closely guarded secret.

Stand your ground.
You can't dictate like that anyway, tell her.
People don't need a present anyway. A signed card is enough.

I used to work somewhere that did this but it was very selective. They wrote everyone's name on the wall and then crossed it off if you'd paid. There was always a collection but not everyone got one! I never had one in ten years. But also, what's the point? They only ever got vouchers, nothing meaningful.

I lnow everyone will think im a party pooper but i think work collections are silly

I think that's awful to be asked to contribute.I always contribute what I can afford but I see that some people giving at least £10 or £20 and if I did that then I would have no money left.
We have things to contribute to at least once every 3 months and over 15 years that adds up.
Too many people leave it my place as it's awful , but I cope because it is part time.

That's cheeky! Will add up fast if your firm do this for every birthday. I would've said no too. I don't mind if someone's unwell, or if someone's leaving, even then I don't always contribute

Funnily enough we had this chat today at work. No one should be forced to put in to a collection. I hate when other people try and spend my money for me.

There's a cost of living crisis - stop putting pressure on people to give for anything they don’t want to.

Today at work we were pressured for a bake sale in relation to a charity….but I’m on a diet and we’ve been asked for a lot for the charity. Leave people alone!!!!

I opt out of anything like this at work, including secret Santa because I can't think of anything worse than receiving some crap I don't really want and giving my money up for some crap someone else doesn't really want. I don't even tell them when my birthday is, let alone expect anything for it.

You are right to be annoyed by this.

I no longer contribute anything to collections or sign cards.

We have a ridiculous staff turnover and I am not close at all to my (two-faced) colleagues so I am not going to waste my time and money on this...

My place of work seems to always have collections, most people put a tenner in and I have in the past, I do a fiver only now. still adds up though, I've got two I need to contribute to in the next week.

When I left the last big workplace I was in there was a debate about going to a system where anyone who wanted to be included in things like sympathy or congratulations cars and small gifts would have the option of making one donation per year to an organiser who would sort it all. No idea what happened to that.

And as I said, it wouldn't include birthdays, because the person with the birthday always bought a cake that was shared with immediate colleagues at morning tea break - I never worked anywhere where that wasn't the way birthdays were done.

You say stingy, but for me that would be two days food missing from my weekly budget... times that by every staff member thats a lot of hungry tummy moments...

If it's only a fiver, then she can add yours can't she.

There seems to be a never ending carousel of birthday cards that need signing in my team and even that is starting to piss me off!

We are not asked to contribute any money and nor would I. Apart from a wedding or retirement if I know the person well.

This is why I really hate these work collections. It forces those who are keeping their financial struggles private into publicly and embarrassingly announcing it. Then having to endure the pity or the ones who don't believe it and think you're just being tight. Or HAVING to contribute purely to keep it private, and risk being extra skint until the next pay day.

I'm glad I work alone now and don't have to deal with this any more.

OP, please don't be embarrassed. From someone who would contribute just to maintain my privacy (but then struggle even more afterwards), I applaud your confidence to just say no. It might just be a fiver to your colleague, but to some of us, that's a days worth of school dinner money for one of our children.

YANBU, they do this in our workplace and it’s gotten out of hand. They buy expensive gifts and then expect 20(€), the last gift was for someone who had quit after only a month and I said no, I’m pt also and I had only met the woman once.

Hopefully she will get the message andnot ask you again.

You wont be the onlynone in the team whondoesnt want todo it or cannot afford to do it .
U are definiteky not u reasonable. A fiver is crazy. Anything in my booked is crazy...and pressured. Keep away and outside of the group think.. peo ple can think what thye like ..some will be quietly jealous they donr have the strength to say no, or also be helped by you saying no.

Well done for saying no.

It all depends on how many people at your workplace, and what range of grades there are.

At my workplace there is only a collection for big birthdays, a new baby or someone leaving. And for any colleague who lost their spouse. We arrange it so that the teachers put in a fiver, the (lower paid) support staff are asked to put in £3. There is no expectation to give.It seems doable. A couple of the younger staff hardly ever put in but still write on the joint card which feels a bit off. They are also the ones who have all the latest expensive makeup, new clothes etc and are out a lot. So I feel it's a bit unfair to claim they can't give 3 quid every few months when they seem to have so much disposable income (they still live at home)