It's just a fiver

[user7699099]

I have a new manager at my workplace and she is arranging a collection for a member of staff for their birthday. Today she told everyone she is doing the collection and everyone can put £5 in.

I told her I don't contribute to collections as I can't afford too and she replied its just a fiver.

£5 might not be much to her and some of the other staff who work full time but I work part time and every penny I earn is needed.

Now I feel really embarrassed that I had to refuse giving £5 because money is tight, but I know it wont be a one off there will always be a collection for someone's birthday, leaving, baby etc

AIBU?

If she asks again, just repeat the same as you did before you don't give to collections because you cannot afford to. If she says again it is just a fiver tell her you have already told her once before and now she is embarrassing you. If she continues take it to HR.

Some people really should not be managers.

I think you’ve made your position clear. Your manager might hopefully think twice about being so prescriptive about this kind of thing in the future.

How ironic that you accuse OP of being stingy when you yourself would put in £2 instead of £5

IME this is a tactic of bad managers, in crap companies, trying to stop people from resigning, as they're waiting for their birthday, so they can "get out what they put in" with regards to birthday money. OR, they're trying to boost moral in a way that doesn't cost the company anything.

A few years ago when I worked at LV Insurance, they gave everyone a piece of fruit every day as a perk (such that it was). They then took the 30p fruit away as a cost saving measure, but suggested instead we took it in turns to spend our weekends baking a cake, so it could be raffled off! As if! To this day, it remains the tightest thing I've ever experienced first hand.

Don't think anything of it. People don't have a clue what's going on in others lives financially.

It may have changed because a lot has there, but John Lewis didn't allow staff collecting for any reason. Saves awkwardness all round.

Over the last 12 months we have had about 8 leavers/junior staff moving to another department/ maternity leaves. It's too much.
I've quietly opted out of contributions unless I've known them and actually spoken to them ever.

Well done for saying 'no'. I made the mistake of getting involved in birthdays, weddings, retirements and Christmas presents at my last company. I tried to contribute a fiver and was told that everyone else had put in £10 or £20 and I was pressured to add more. Thank goodness I don't work there anymore!! 😬

Absolutely loathe all these work things that are an excuse to bleed you dry. Leaving collections fine, but birthdays?! Seriously? If I'm gift-level friends with any of my colleagues I'll get them a gift outside of a weird whip-round situation, but most of them I don't know well enough and they don't know me well enough. We all have enough friends and enough of a social life not to have to manufacture one in our job as well.

It's not just 5 because it adds up when it's multiple times a year. We do big events at my work. I'll contribute for people I chat to a lot or just if I feel generous.

You are not being unreasonable at all. Dont do it simple, sod the manager she wouldn't do it if she was in your shoes.

We "only" do big birthdays, weddings, babies, leaving. I've contributed to more of those than I care to think of in my 14 years with the company! I used to put £1 in an envelope when it came round but now we're hybrid, it's all online banking - I do £2 but only for people I like and want to contribute to. I organised the leaving gift for a really popular staff member and was shocked at how few people contributed so that's when I 'downsized' my giving.

Just shrug your shoulders and say “Like I said, I’m opting out.”

At the moment, a fiver would be impossible for me. I'm at the absolute limit of everything until my new wages kick in at the start of Nov.

I'd show them my online bank account and say, I really genuinely can't afford it, sorry.

I always opt out. In fact, in my last workplace you had to actively opt in.

I’m always happier to write on a card (which has always been supplied by management wherever I’ve worked) and simply say ‘have a great birthday/retirement/birth/whatever’.

And I’m really really happy to receive nothing. Honestly, if I want it for myself I just go and buy it for myself.

Not that you should have done that, showed your account, but I would have, just to make it absolutely blindingly clear it was true and shut them up.

Yanbu. A card is nice for a colleague but no presents.
We only do a voluntary collection for big birthdays, babies and leaving.

well done for firstly saying no, it isn’t just a fiver though, it will be multiple fivers ongoing. 💐

1 card signed by everyone is all that is needed.

How many people work there OP?
If its 20 - that's £100 for a present!!! and a fiver expected from you every couple of weeks!

A card from work is fine. It's not a child FFS

What's cheek a collection is just that! Collect what u can not what u want. I would be same as you, and who does she think she is dictating the amount? Is she gonna do this for everyone? If so then she should set u a slush fund for things like that where everyone gets the same thing all the time for all occasions

We stopped these forced collections years ago. I'm there were enough of us that it would be costing over a hundred a year in my team. In my precious work place our managers did exactly what yours did, but we were all secretly peeved with it.
One guy "Nigel" was asked to give money, got a 20 quid out,put it in the envelope and pulled out 5x 1 quid and 3 fivers. Said 'thanks I needed the change'. The manager then said but you've not put any money in. His response was 'no I didn't did I. Must be because 'Dave' is a dickhead, he's caused me to stay late and fix his problems so why would I give him anything?' . Manager didn't know how to deal.
When i was asked to submit to the envolope of doom, i would say no thanks. If I wanted to give a gift to someone, then I did if privately. It's my money. Everyone slowly followed suit.

So annoying. We are having 2 separate "welcome to your new home" collections for 2 staff members. I mean really!

Do you mean as in, they decided to move home, so you give them money?

At a previous employment, I was a bank employee, so I worked when someone was on holiday / off sick etc., though I often worked 2-3 shifts a week. Being in so regularly meant that I very rarely missed being asked to contribute to every collection (big birthday / baby / bereavement / leaving etc.) that there was and if I did miss one, one of the staff would usually tell me the next time I worked that I owed them (normally £2 - £5) as they had put in for me.

I eventually turned round and said that I was sorry but I couldn’t afford to put in for the collections. The response I got was pretty negative (it’s just a couple of quid / don’t be so mean etc. and you’ll get when you’re due). I pointed out that I didn’t get when I was due, as I had put in for 3 family bereavements, 2 big birthdays and 1 baby over the previous 2 months alone, but in that period I had lost my dm and had my 40th birthday, both of which were ignored. In fact I had been asked for £3 for flowers, for one of my colleague’s losing their df, on my first shift back after my own dm had died (which had been ignored)!

A couple of my colleagues apologised to me, but I heard others mumbling negatively about me. I went to HR as I felt this constituted bullying, which only made things worse. I managed to increase my hours at another job, so I actually ended up leaving….didn’t get a leaving gift though!

It’s really out of order for them to stipulate an amount. It should be completely optional as to amount and whether or not to donate.