It's just a fiver

[user7699099]

I have a new manager at my workplace and she is arranging a collection for a member of staff for their birthday. Today she told everyone she is doing the collection and everyone can put £5 in.

I told her I don't contribute to collections as I can't afford too and she replied its just a fiver.

£5 might not be much to her and some of the other staff who work full time but I work part time and every penny I earn is needed.

Now I feel really embarrassed that I had to refuse giving £5 because money is tight, but I know it wont be a one off there will always be a collection for someone's birthday, leaving, baby etc

AIBU?

YANBU. I went mad when I found out about a collection for my last big birthday and instructed my manager to return the funds.

No one wanted it back though, so I asked for it to be donated to two charities. We’d had a team member pass away from one type of cancer and another who was having treatment for the other. It went to the applicable charities for those cancers.

If it’s just a fiver then I guess she won’t mind contributing an extra one on your behalf.

Totally agree with you. I recently 'hosted' a collection for my (much loved & respected) manager who has breast cancer also for her 50th birthday. Some people gave £50 others 'only' gave £2. Everyone gave what they could afford. No criticisms as everyone gave what they could afford x

Yanbu and your manager was rude to insist you contribute and very rude to specify an amount. They sound completely tactless.

It should be "give what you want" with no judgement if someone can't give anything.

I think sometimes the expectation that people contribute to collections gets a bit much and can quickly escalate into collections for lots of things - birthdays, babies, leaving, weddings, bereavements etc. It’s not just a fiver! Collections should be voluntary and no one should be singled out or made to feel embarrassed for not contributing. Sometimes there can be a collection for something every few weeks! I very rarely contribute to collections now. I would rather spend my money on my family.

One of my workplaces operated a system where everyone gave annually and the amount each individual was expected to pay took into account hours worked and pay grade! The thinking behind it was that everyone was included and it meant everyone received a similar amount …

This - totally. Should be a genuine contribution without anyone counting or making judgements. I have colleagues who are single parents, caring for partners etc & financially strapped - even £2 is a lot of money for them. I'm lucky that I'm in a good financial position, but that's not always been the case for me.

Now wait a minute … where were all of you when I was being accused of a grouch and a bad manager when I said that managers should not be organizing things like this in another thread about a work leaving do!

Ha.. I still think it’s a bad idea and won’t be changing my mind any time soon.

I think that is making a lot of assumptions. You may be on a high pay grade but contributing towards parent's care, etc.

My old work place was like this and I hated it, it was often two people's birthdays in one month and people expected you to put at least £10.The work environment was very toxic and most of the team never even liked each other so it felt odd to be putting money towards a gift.

I really hate people putting their hands in other people's pockets. Want to buy a gift for a colleague? Just do it. Stop asking everyone else to pay for it.

I'm leaving soon and have already made it very clear that I don't want a collection (not being presumptuous - they are endemic at my workplace), and will return it if anyone tries.

This used to piss me off massively at work. I used to work as a cabin crew for a very large airline so every flight would be a different set of crew. Almost every flight it would be another crews birthday that I had never worked with or met before and you would be expected to contribute at least £10 for a gift out of duty free for them.
I used to use the excuse I didn’t have any cash on me, which was once met with, that’s fine you can bank transfer me the contribution! Conveniently my birthday never fell on a flight day so I didn’t receive anything 😅

It is absolutely fine that you don't want to take part in work collections. Well done on speaking up and hopefully that will be the end of it. Donations should always be voluntary and (I think) anonymous.

Could you suggest they start using GiftRound or similar, where people can decide what they contribute (or just sign an e card with not contribution)? You are not being unreasoable.

Who wants a manky birthday present from their work colleagues ??

I've always worked at places where the birthday person brings in cakes or similar. That's more than adequate.

Another post menopause lady here who would be telling the manager to crack on without me.

Tell her you don’t want to be part of the collections, and you wish not to receive anything when it’s your birthday
Everytime there’s a collection put the £5 into a jar at home and then on your birthday, take the money and treat yourself!

Just say you don't want to and don't give it any thought.

In my last job you were given a choice of contributing to the birthday pool or not. No pressure to do so. Anyone who wanted to bought a small gift for the person whose birthday was below theirs on the list. I thought it was quite a nice thing to do.

We do online cards for colleagues birthdays.

Only cash collections for Big Birthdays.

I arrange and pay for the cards. I don't ask for money as it's just a fiver a go. Nothing really.

I recently looked through the cards I'd previously bought to make sure I ordered a different one for the latest team members birthday. Can't order the same as last time or someone else!

And that's when I realised I'd spent £120. 😱 WTF.

So all those fivers have added up since lockdown when we started.

You can quote my story and pretend it was your story as it clearly explains why you don't give a fiver here and there.

However I think everyone should take a turn of ordering the card so I'd say I'm up for that when it's my turn so we all take a shot. Happy to put a fiver in for people in my own small team. But not the wider team.

This kind of pressure is out of order, I used to work in an office with around 100 people, there was just a stream of these A4 brown envelopes for money doing the rounds with large cards for birthday, engagements, babies, leaving dos, anniversaries, it went on and on I just used to pass them on unless it was one of the closer staff in my department I wanted to contribute to. Some for people I hadn't even heard of 🤦🏻‍♀️ just stand your ground and decline. This manager has no right to dictate what money staff contribute to birthdays. In my office there was also the tradition of bringing in a buffet for other colleagues on your birthday, this got very competitive for certain people and must have cost them a small fortune!

'FeistyFrankie', you've obviously never been on your uppers! Even £2 is TOO MUCH if you haven't got it! I really, really hate all this stupid birthday, wedding, baby collections business at work. As others have said, they are colleagues, and while some may be real friends, if that's the case then you might buy them a gift away from work if you can afford it, but all this 'Oh, it's only X amount', really winds me up! Well done for refusing OP!

I think collections for somebody leaving are fine. Birthdays totally ridiculous.

A fiver is a lot of money for someone on a very strict budget; it could buy a family meal. I have previously been on an extremely tight budget and wasn't able to afford fixed amounts for work collections so I fully understand. Manager is unfair to ask this from you. And like many posters, I didn't get involved in birthday collections at work. Well done for being assertive

God I remember those days. I worked in a finance setting in a huuuge open plan office, most people were young, childless well off people or older very well off people with good careers. I was part time in an entry level position, had a baby young and was sole earner in my family. I felt so much shame but as you said, it's not just a fiver, it's a fiver for a couple hundred people. I just couldn't manage and I am so glad I change careers, some cultures and environments really hold on to that bravado culture.