It's just a fiver

[user7699099]

I have a new manager at my workplace and she is arranging a collection for a member of staff for their birthday. Today she told everyone she is doing the collection and everyone can put £5 in.

I told her I don't contribute to collections as I can't afford too and she replied its just a fiver.

£5 might not be much to her and some of the other staff who work full time but I work part time and every penny I earn is needed.

Now I feel really embarrassed that I had to refuse giving £5 because money is tight, but I know it wont be a one off there will always be a collection for someone's birthday, leaving, baby etc

AIBU?

Birthdays = a card signed by everyone around.

Leaving/retirement = whip round for present
Bereavements = whip round for flowers
Marriage/baby = whip round for vouchers

But all voluntary and never any set amounts.

It’s unlikely to be just the one though, isn’t it?

We asked who wanted to be involved in birthday collections then allocated people at random to another person. They then had a £10 budget to get their person a gift off "everyone". It was a nice way of doing it, a lot less money (£10 a year each) but also forced you to be a bit more creative than flowers and a gift card. Plus there wasn't the stress such as when there were five birthdays in the same month

I'd push back. A fiver for you is worth more than to someone earning more. What are the percentages of your hourly rate?

We are in a cost of living crisis and people are still expecting collections?

I no longer give to any collection. If I'm friends with a colleague I might ask a select few if they'd like to join me or get a present for the person myself.

I've been asked for moving in, getting engaged, getting married, babies being born, death in the family, off sick and leaving contributions often for the same people. When does that circle around as I'm not engaged, married and will not be having a baby. And when I've been on long term sick I didn't get anything.

Tell her no. This is pressure that amounts to bullying.

YANBU at all, OP. Office whip-rounds are one of the many reasons I'm so glad I wfh now. My last in-office job I was in a large department and the whip-rounds were endless, often for people I barely knew. It does get expensive. And it doesn't always work out equitably either.

She's very insensitive. There have been times in my life when £5 had to last me a fortnight.

Same in our workplace, with the addition of a collection for "O" birthdays.

And often a bring & share lunch/cake. Sometimes even without an occasion 😋

I stopped putting in to collections last year when I realised that if I had put in £5 to every collection the year before it would have come to a total of £95! I’ve worked at that place for 10 years so I must have spent at least £50 a year on collections which is ridiculous if you add it all up.

I did carry on paying in to collections for a couple of years after my 40th when no one organised a collection (until they realised they’d missed it and it was a panic / scrabble around to get things - which was sweet of them but basically I realised then that no one really gave a shit about me. Not even people I thought were close colleagues).

So I’m slightly jaded… but still feel quite humiliated by that experience.

Your manager sounds like a dick. They should have respected your decision and left it at that.

Please don’t feel embarrassed. I think most people put into work collections because they feel like they have to, not because they want to. I hate how it’s such a ‘done thing’ in office culture.

Is this a time to set some expectations across the board at your org. She's a bit rude and ignorant to say it's just a fiver when she has no idea about anyone's situations.

It's super clear where I am. Org sends everyone a birthday card. Collections are voluntary and only for 0 birthdays or big life events like wedding/baby etc. We do a secret Santa every year - up to a fiver only and from a charity shop.

@FeistyFrankie - it's not stingy. I've been in a position where I've had less than that left over at the end of the month. £2 could buy the last carton of milk you need before payday.

People forget or have never experienced what it's like to think of money in very small amounts.

Yeah, I stopped putting into leaving collections except for people I knew well when I realised most people were moving on after 2-3 years, so I would be giving to several leaving collections each year. I had been in my job more than 20 years when I left.

I worked somewhere where they told you to give a fiver each time there was an occasion. With 13 team members, this always translated to £50 worth of vouchers for things you didn't want to buy and a horrible bottle of prosecco with a card per person. I'm sure most of us would have much rather have kept our £60.

YANBU. It doesn’t matter if you are tight for money just now or not. If you don’t receive and don’t want collections for you, you don’t have to contribute to them for others. Some people like them, which is great. I normally contribute happily. But they are voluntary and people shouldn’t feel pressured.

Generally a good response to “It’s just…” is “Then you do it.”

That's an odd definition of stingy, however much money you do or do t have there's no negative connotation to choosing to opt out of workplace collections, it's a perfectly reasonable choice for anyone

'Up my salary and then maybe I would be able to afford to contribute'

You just said ‘if you don’t have the money, you don’t have the money’ so how is it stingy?

It’s a WORKplace. I don’t contribute £1 to collections because I genuinely do not give a fuck. I don’t want anything from anyone and I don’t want to contribute anything to anyone. I’m not friends with my colleagues, I’m friendly, there’s a difference.

In the OPs case, they shouldn’t be berated or told, ‘it’s just a fiver’ if they can’t afford it. Even if they could afford it, it’s their bloody money!!

I hate work collections they seem to collect for everything and everyone in my job I wish they would just stop it altogether , don't give the £5 and next time they won't ask you so worth it in the long run

Everywhere I worked had the convention that the person whose birthday it was brought in a cake to share with colleagues, the colleagues handed over a (shared between them) card in exchange.

I worked out very fairly, the expense for the birthday person was a once-a-year thing.

She's got a point (but not the one she thinks she's making).

If you have got to the point where a fiver is so vital to you, you should be asking for a payrise or looking for a new job that pays more.

I stopped giving to collections a while ago as it was getting ridiculous -colleagues were starting collections for people moving to different departments in the same building!

I didn’t even get a sodding card when my dad died so that made my mind up for me!

Well done for speaking up
£5 is a lot and you're there to earn it, not give it away

Awful pressure agree. I do school bus. Driver ask would I sort kids for xmas. Ten kids. Where does it end.. my friend does ten pounds in classroom thats flowers and cake but there could be 5 staff birthdays.

If your manager asks you again, that is bullying and harassment.

Grievance.

Tell your manager and then DO IT.

Are you being serious? £5 could buy food to feed her family. If you're struggling, £5 can make a HUGE difference. I can't believe some people are still so clueless to other people's situations.