It's just a fiver

[user7699099]

I have a new manager at my workplace and she is arranging a collection for a member of staff for their birthday. Today she told everyone she is doing the collection and everyone can put £5 in.

I told her I don't contribute to collections as I can't afford too and she replied its just a fiver.

£5 might not be much to her and some of the other staff who work full time but I work part time and every penny I earn is needed.

Now I feel really embarrassed that I had to refuse giving £5 because money is tight, but I know it wont be a one off there will always be a collection for someone's birthday, leaving, baby etc

AIBU?

Yep. She can pay on your behalf if she's so bothered.

The only collections I had at work were my 40th birthday- even during lockdown. Then
leaving.

Have been off sick for 8 weeks plus from surgeries Did I get a collection? No. About 15 months ago a colleague was having a collection for the same procedure I had ten years prior. I said to the organiser who was working when I had the surgery, so where is my collection from Aug 2013? She shrugged and left. I didn’t contribute to this colleague’s collection. When the sick colleague returned I apologised for not chipping in. The sick colleague felt embarrassed for having a collection. This was before my revelation.

It’s the old Ross Gellar situation isn’t it - any reason to say no is a valid reason, but some arse will try and make a big deal out of it. I’d email someone above or HR to ask that a more subtle, opt-out workplace gift scheme is implemented as you will not be humiliated into giving more than you can afford for others.

@FeistyFrankie well if you can easily afford £5, then you giving £2 seems VERY stingy to me.

If someone hasn't got £5, like a PP, then you calling them "stingy" for not giving what they don't have is disgraceful.

Yeah, I contributed 50-60 quid a year for about a decade to birthdays, baby gifts, leaving gifts for colleagues. When several of us retired over the summer due to financial cuts, no collection was raised for any of us. If you don’t want to contribute, don’t contribute. It should not be mandatory.

Believe it or not. Some people live paycheck to paycheck. Not everyone has spare money sitting in their account. £5 can get me quite a few bits in Aldi to make a meal which will last nearly a week

it's reminding me of the episode of friends when ross had to contribute to the man who did stuff when he'd only just moved into the apartment. but phoebe contributed etc etc.

Exactly this.

You should check out the concept of ‘poverty proofing’ and send some of the recommendations to your workplace / HR team. They do training for companies to ensure this exact situation doesn’t occur.

I agree with this. Also if a person is leaving and a person can't afford to contribute they should still be allowed to sign the card.

I would of come back with “you can put it in for me then, thanks” bloody cheek people make me sick sometimes

One of my work colleagues let slip she was using the foodbank due to some overwhelming challenges. It's not stingy to decline to put in money. You never know what any individual's circumstances are.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, money is tight for a lot of people. And in any case I think It's better to let people decide for themselves how much they want to contribute - if they choose to

As is often the case first post nails it

Not at all stingy, I worked in a school with about 90 staff in different roles, if we were to be asked for 'just a fiver' that would be £450 for some people I wouldn't have known by name! It should be a matter of personal choice, surely a card isn't necessary for a normal birthday, maybe a big number only.

I would ban workplace collections, I could afford them but what if you don’t like the person that much. Also charity collections, I remember irritating a colleague when I said no and already have specific charities I give to.

I don't agree with work collections either and I bloody hate anything like Secret Santa. Years ago I started a new job after a period of unemployment following the financial crash. I was absolutely skint and was prioritising food for my son rather than me and walking to work rather than the bus. I started over Christmas and the office manager was "encouraging" everyone to spend £5 on a Secret Santa. I didn't have £5 and I didn't want anyone else to buy me some landfill. I was the only one that didn't (couldn't) join in and as a newbie it definitely did reflect on me.

We've had 2 in a month, minimum £10 expected, both times for ppl on v.good salaries. Bit of a cheek.

It's really off for it be a set amount.

Nope

My husband gave loads of fivers and tenners over 20 years,yet when he retired he received nothing as he was off ill,stay out of collections.

In our office we bring in treats on our own birthdays to go on the table in the kitchen area. There are collections for significant things (milestone birthdays, weddings, new baby, a serious sick leave etc) but we all just shove £1 each in (there are lots of us in our team, so it mounts up to a lovely gift). There's an envelope in one of the admins' desk drawers, and email goes round announcing it, people contribute if they can/want to. There's no pressure or obligation to join in with any of it.

This works well for our department, which is actually several smaller teams. Could you suggest something similar? You might not be the only one feeling the pressure of the demands. Of course you are under no obligation to do so, it was just an idea, I appreciate that even that cost is too much for some.

I just mention I'm a Jehovahs Witness [I'm not] - they never ask again.

After been on a team where I decided not to pay in, and I was shunned out publicly i.e. not even able to sign a card and spoken about loudly around the desks, I don't take part anymore. Fortunately I'm on a better team now.

I have done collection now for years at work and it is a minefield. There are those that intend to give, but just need to be reminded. Those that give straight away and those that I know can't afford it. And then there are those who are selective about who they will and won't put money in for.

Raising collections is supposed to be a friendly gesture and no-one should be put in an awkward position by it - that should never be the outcome.

I send an envelope round with everyones names on it, asking them if they want to pop any money into the collection and once they have seen the collection and ticked their name off and moved it onto the next person, it eventually comes back to me. I never know who has or hasn't put in, only who has ticked to say they have seen it. Some don't tick and say "no money today, come back tomorrow" and others tick and put nothing in. Its the only way to avoid difficult conversations for all.

The reality is though, that everyone is different and you just have to accept it and not be pushy. If you simply cannot afford it then that should be fine, keeping the roof over your head and feeding everyone comes first.

I always ask everyone to sign the card whether they have contributed or not. Its not about the money, its the thought, and thoughtful, well intended wishes are enough, a gift is just the icing on the cake.

It’s not stingy.
lots of people are struggling right now. You have no idea about the OP/ situation