Having your own children making you question what you were told about other families

[comoatoupeira]

Does anyone else find that having children is making them not take the word of their own parents anymore as being the norm?

I grew up with a mum and dad who were obsessed with not being too hands-on, I was always praised for being independent etc. They were divorced, don't know if that's relevant?

My mum was always talking down about other parents (mums, let's be honest) who she thought were over-protective. So all the jokes in our house were about mums who wouldn't let their children do this or that because it was apparently dangerous, or mums who didn't work and would arrive 10 minutes early at the school gate to, apparently, show off their blow dry or outfit, or something.

Now I'm looking back on it as a parent myself and I'm looking it the other way: like, these were mums who were sorted and organized so they were on time, and they were stay at home mums for x number of reasons but one of them being they wanted to be with their kids after school. I'm looking at some things that happened to me, like some medical things, that my parents didn't really follow up on or help me with, and looking at it the other way: this was maybe a bit neglectful, and the helicopter-ish mums we laughed at would have been there for their children and helped them.

Maybe this is a cultural change thing because it was the 80s and cool to not be a mumsy mum, and now there's a cultural backlash going on where we are romanticizing motherhood and caring roles again.

Anyone relate?

Or perhaps they just feel they are able to tell someone how they feel. I knew many people faking it, including my mother and grandad. Myself in twenties. We just got very good at masking it from an early age. I don’t think mental health is worse. I think it’s acceptable to be open about it.

My mum was always physically there but never emotionally.
My dh mum, by contrast worked insane hours but he said she was always there for him. It’s quality over quantity. Being all in when you are there. My mum was there all of the time but never ever present.

I would have thought though that if newer methods were so obviously superior, the reported instances of mental health issues in children would at least be relatively stable: while children would be more inclined to report if they do suffer, the actual number of children suffering should be much lower.

In any case, I’m not advocating for any particular method, I’m just surprised people of our generation (I’m a young millennial) have such confidence that our way is best.

@Marleygolden Give it 20 -30 years and there then adult children will be telling them their way is best. Every generation says the same

Maybe it’s not best, but better. Each generation does it better. We learn. We grow. We evolve. There will always be some stuck in their cycle but hopefully many of us do better. I am doing better than my parents, I’m sure I’m messing up but it’s better.