To say that adult friendships aren’t worth the effort?

[MellowSwan]

It feels like maintaining adult friendships takes too much work and stress, especially when we all have busy lives. AIBU to think friendships aren’t worth the effort once you hit a certain age?

No definitely not, I'd be depressed if I didn't have good friends. We support eachother but I don't have any friends that expect loads of contact.

What's making it so difficult for you? Maybe the issue is the particular friend you are thinking of rather than all friends in general.

No, it's important to maintain the friendships that you have, no matter how old you are.
I can see that if you work full time and have small children, time will be short, but most people can find at least some time for their friends.

I think it’s harder to make new friends as we get older, but I think we all reach a point where we need friends. Children fly the nest, we retire, partners leave/pass away. If you stop making an effort because you are busy then your older days could be very lonely. People need people I think.

I think life without friends would be unbearable.

My friends are really important to me - they are worth the effort.

I’m in my 30s and have zero friends, but I’d still say they’re worth maintaining. Unfortunately all of mine have moved away and don’t ever bother to reply to messages, but family members still have wonderful friendships in their 60s+.

Much as I love my DH and family my friends are my sustenance and bring me huge joy and comfort.

My very best friend died recently and the grief has been overwhelming but her friendship was no work at all; we loved one another and loved being together.

I cannot conceive of a life without good friends. I’m sorry you have had such a different experience.

How old are you?

My DS is mid 20s and is working and tells me how much joy having a good circle of friends brings to his life. Otherwise it would be wake up, go to work, go home, eat dinner and sleep

No I disagree - but it took me till about 40 to find some good people. I think it's meeting people that gets harder as you get older. Friendships that are stressful probably need some work on to change - or a slow fade.

It's only an issue with high-maintenance friends. I've ditched those long ago.

What is a "high maintenance" friend?

100% disagree. Appreciate it might be hard when you have a young family but worth it in the long run.

I'm right on the fence. Yes and no.

I haven't the mental space to do friendship like i did in my 20s and 30s anymore. I just don't need that much extra personality all round me.

However; having one or two (and that is all it is!) like minded friends (like minded as in also not into constant messaging) who i really enjoy the company of. When we actually get together!

Massively unreasonable. Adult friendships are the most valuable relationships we can have. Families come and go, but friends will always be there.

Wait what?

People who need constant drama, to be the centre of attention, and expect someone to be there for them, no matter what, while showing little interest in anyone's problems but their own.

Well, i don't know.

I was ghosted by what i thought was a really good friend. A friend made in my late 30s. So 15 years on that friend definitely came and went ...

It happened at an age which definitely added more weight to the 'are they worth it' feeling.

Family - i have 4 DDs. Are they really all likely to 'go'?

I count myself as an introvert, and I'm heading towards 60 and still making new friends as well as keeping old one.

There is a point in your 30s and 40s where finding the time past DC, your own job etc can be a bit tricky, but if you keep the bare bones going you have the chance to reconnect later. And as you get a bit more time as the DC move on with their lives, you also have the chance to make some new friends.

I know a lot of elderly people (due to living in the same rural area where I spent most of my childhood) and they rely very much on their support networks of friends of their own age and younger - not just for practical support (lifts to hospital, advice on modern tech), but for companionship generally and especially when partners die. I'm still hale and hearty, but my network of local friends is amazing and very valued - advice, companionship, somewhere to have a good moan, a bloody good laugh. I'm more than happy to keep on adding to it.

As long, that is, as I can bugger off on my own when I need to. Which is often!

“but friends will always be there.”

until they aren’t

I don’t bother anymore with anything more than friendly acquaintances.

Too much 💔 in the past.

So glad you said that! That's exactly what I thought!

I think you have this the wrong way round! Apart from a handful of friends most of my adult friendships have moved away or we just grew apart. I value my family relationships above all others.

Shouldn’t that be the other way around?

Er nope

YABVU.

My friends are my family. If I didn't have my friends I'd be sat around doing nothing for my entire life. Kids grow up, partners don't always last. Friends do.

Totally disagree, my friends are brilliant and really important to have them in my life,