To say that adult friendships aren’t worth the effort?

[MellowSwan]

It feels like maintaining adult friendships takes too much work and stress, especially when we all have busy lives. AIBU to think friendships aren’t worth the effort once you hit a certain age?

Depends what your family network is like. I've got a mum and that's the extent of it!

To be honest the only friendship I find hard work are the ones where they feel like you do! Trying to maintain a friendship with people who are low effort is not worth it.

Well, and a DS but he'll have his own life one day.

Eh? Isn’t that a backwards way of thinking? Friends come and go all the time, family is always family.

Disagree completely! I don't find it too much effort. Mostly keep up with messages and see each other when we can. Everyone is flexible and accommodating arranging meet ups. Love my friends and wouldn't be without them! I'm in my 40's btw and confident there is no age limit to my friendships!

I don’t have any friends that I would trust to actually care about me. I used to but experience has made it clear that it was all just smoke & mirrors.

I now have lots of friendly acquaintances and I find that is much less hurtful in the long run as when you have no expectations you can’t be disappointed.

My friends have been in my life longer than my own dad was. Depends how lucky you get with your family.

I adore my mates though obviously lives are busy. If you really value someone it’s worth the effort.

My life would be so much worse and so boring without my friends. They mean so much to me.

YABU. I’m in my early 50s, happily single & fully intend to stay that way for life, but would be less happy if I didn’t have my amazing network of friends.

I'm friendless by choice, family sustains my human connections.

I voted YABU because to others, their friendships fill their soul.

Need to add when it comes to family, mine feels more like a social experiment as one of six kids. I adore two of my sisters and would have sought them out as friends, one other sister and my brother would have been passing acquaintances, pleasant enough but not gone to a huge effort and one of my sisters well I wouldn’t piss on her if she was on fire.

Blood thicker than water, well yes but that’s why family annoy each other, you don’t choose them.

I would only recommend giving up on your friends if you have never really liked having friends anyway. Don't rely on a partner for all your companionship needs as that makes you very vulnerable.

I'm lucky to have a handful of very close friends including my best friend who I've known for nearly 50 years. Couldnt have got through my marriage break up last year without them.

All of my friends are very low maintenance/ we don't mind if you take a few weeks to reply to a text, we can go months between seeing each other but we would always be there for each other/have each other's backs.

It depends if the friendship is balanced or not. Friends who expect more from you than they give in return are not worth it, IMO.
The ones who talk AT you without asking or listening, who receive presents but forget birthdays, who take and don’t give. Those are common, and keeping them going is simply a box ticking exercise.

Yes, but that’s one family member, it’s very unusual for family to come and go like the wind. Even if one or two leave your life, most stay in it. Friendships can end for a whole host of reasons. I’ve definitely had more friends let me down and leave or friendships naturally end than I have had family members leave. My dad left when I was 5, but my mum and siblings are always there and always will be, whereas who knows what will happen in my friend’s lives.

Just back from a weekend away with my friends and my god they made up for a horrendous year! Op take a step back, take a look at what you find difficult and see where you want to go from there. I think you’ll find it’s something else or that you and your friends just aren’t on the same page. Someday children have to head off into the sunset, parents sadly will go, you’ll need your friends by your side x

I have no parents or siblings but I do have two daughters and three grandsons.
I have had one long time friend ghost me for reasons I will never learn, a fair few defriended me after my marriage broke down, but my DDs were there for me throughout even though we don't live near each other.

No. I still need friends no matter how old I am. Obviously they don’t have the energy and time invested as friendships when I was younger. I have several friends (mostly not connected to each other), I see them once or twice a year with occasional texts. I don’t go out in the evenings with them.

Couldn't agree less. My adult friends are so important to me.

I've been thinking the same thing recently. Just because you have been friends for years doesn't mean you have to always be. It just dawned on me yesterday that a friend of over 20 years is always hard work now. I had a major client win recently (household name) and all she did was rain on my parade with negative things they did 15 years ago and keep sending me wiki links to negative things about them. This was the final straw in a long period of annoyance.

I am in my 50 and have 3 close, wonderful friends. Not a great number but they are people who mean a great deal to me and I to them. Not even the slightest hint of hard work or stress involved.

My life would be emptier without each of them.

I'm sorry to hear you have not had good experience but don't let it put you off finding great friendship in the future.

Sounds like an easy way to end up totally alone.

Even if your partner doesn’t leave you, he might die first.

Children are not a substitute for friends as they have their own lives to live.

Crap friends are worse than no friends, but a good friend is worth their weight in gold!