AIBU or is this a bit cheeky?

[Usernamenotavailabletryanotheroneplease]

Name changed as I don’t want to potentially ruin a friendship over what could be me being unreasonable. Close friend has recently had a baby. She’s asked for no visitors (fair) but has now announced an ‘open day’ - her words - in which her and her DP will invite all their family and friends to go to their house at the same time to see the baby. Not the AIBU.
In the message invite (copied and pasted to all their friends/family), it states: “Although your presence is a present, we kindly ask for a monetary gift as we have plenty of clothes and toys.”
It’s rubbed me up the wrong way. I understand the request for no clothes or toys, but I feel the blatant request for money is quite crass. I’ve already bought a personalised keepsake gift (not clothes or toys) which I will give so it’s not really a direct issue. We’re from different cultures which could play a part in my reaction.
AIBU or is this crass?

Why? People generally bring gifts when meeting a newborn baby, so I think it would be perfectly believable and reasonable that they wanted to tell people "we'd rather cash than 100 babygrows". The "your presence is a present" part suggests they were trying to say " we don't expect anything".

Why assume malice between friends, when there is another more charitable explanation?

If OP turns up and they put their hand out at the door for the cash before she's allowed in, then she'll know they're being grabby 😅

I always give an outfit for 3 months plus and a soft toy, plus a gift receipt in case they’ve received duplicates. Always been met with a lovely response.

@Viavita It was a really sad programme to watch. Their history is here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dionne_quintuplets

I've read a bit about this. I wonder if the parents felt pushed into it in order to support their family? Obviously it's absolutely awful.

One of my colleagues is sending something similar to her friends and family right now in relation to her 4th baby, for whom a baby shower was held not long ago (I know these things because she keeps up a running commentary of all things baby, 24/7).

What really shocks me is apparently all her mates are completely on board with it and she's delighted at the prospect of her imminent windfall.

I can't imagine behaving like this but I can't deny, it'd be lovely if I could have some sort of occasion where my friends and family would all give me some money! (Not getting married anytime soon and can't have kids.)

YANBU. Imagine running a baby like an open house viewing. But she's not alone, OP...

That's what I thought too. I read it as in "if you were wanting to buy a gift or clothes, can we ask the monetary value instead" but badly worded as sleep deprived? Also, if it's a friend, I would just ask, without any malice "I already bought a gift, I hope you don't mind. I wasnt comfortable with just giving money".

A new low in new-parent entitlement.

So I suppose back-handed congratulations are in order

Well they haven’t said what they would choose between gift or nothing just what they would choose between gift or money.

update: just seen they said they don’t need something

Totally crass.

Also the "open day" sounds like a virus super-spreader event and a spectacularly bad idea for the newborn's health.

I don't think it is unreasonable but, if you are going to do this, you need to phrase it very carefully so it doesn't sound grabby. Usually people give something specific for the baby that they are saving up for.

I like a charity shop. Every time I go into one there are many items that were clearly designed and given as baby presents - often personalised. There are also a fair number of brand new baby clothes in the first size up. I suspect the parents got so many that they couldn't use them all before the baby went up a size.

It's such a waste of money and specifically at a time when the new parents have a lot of expenses.

My cousin tried to state no presents at all as they were lucky enough to have everything they needed - a lot of people took no notice!

I would understand if this was a wedding invite or a birthday but seeing a new baby! Absolutely not!

Its cheeky to ask for money anyway but definitely not just to visit a new baby.

Its rare to buy gifts for things like this and when you do it’s usually some flowers or chocolate for the parents.

Perhaps at the most a little teddy or onesie or something for the baby but I would appreciate that as a keepsake anyway.

I am assuming it’s a PFB

I would turn up empty handed.

What fresh hell is this?

ewww That would give me the ick and I just wouldn't go.

Cheeky bastards

I'm curious about the CFs ; what culture are they from that demands money this way ?

It is literally no more like to infect the baby than seeing all the same people spread out for an even longer period of time.

I think its awful, so mercenary, what if someone can only afford a small gift like a pair of socks and now feels obligated to give more than they can afford. I was grateful for everything I was given even it it wasn't to my taste as it meant someone had thought of my baby, gone to a shop (this was pre internet shopping) and chosen something. I was brought up to be grateful for any gift.

Perhaps they don't need to see all of these people, at all, until the infant is older.

Sounds like an excuse for a gift grab. So lowdown.

Hahahaha would I fuck be going. Amazing that they’re the first people who’ve ever made a human though.

You don't get any pleasure from giving gifts? That's a real shame.

@Usernamenotavailabletryanotheroneplease if your friend is like an Aunt to your children can you recall what she got them as a gift when they were born?

Her message is plain rude!

Also clothes for a baby are definitely a gift!

Utter cringe worthy stuff asking for cash for your child. When will these grabby requests for engagements/hen parties/weddings/babies end.

I didn't want/need to see anyone, they just kept pestering us to come and then showed up unannounced if we ignored it.

Why is everyone acting like no one ever goes to visit babies? Its a pretty common thing. Having it all at once is easier and better for the parent that to keep imposing a constant stream of people into a recovering persons home.

OP had already bought stuff mean she intended to visit anyway, no one is being forced to do something the had no intention of doing. The only rude bit is expecting and dictating a gift.

Me too. Now wondering how many people that will involve. I'm imagining a crowded house with standing room only if they all go at the same time. Or maybe not. Are they providing refreshments or is it a case of drop the money quick coo at the baby and run. It smacks a bit of pay per view to see the baby.
So many questions. I think you should go op and report back. Sorry just joking.