To think the modern obsession with people's height is crazy?

[HeightObession]

NC for this.

So, I'm aware this might be an unpopular opinion, but hopefully I'm not the only one who thinks like this.

I was talking to a friend this morning who is OLD at the moment. She was telling me about a guy she'd recently met and had been getting to know. Generally everything was positive - he was kind, funny, they had a lot in common...but the deal breaker? He was 5 ft 10. To her, that was "too short", so she's not progressing things any further. Okay, chances are there were other things that she's not told me about, but am I being unreasonable to think rejecting someone purely on height is totally crazy and superficial?

But she won't be the only one. It seems quite a modern thing that people are obsessed with other people's height. Some will reject a man for being 5 foot 10, but be perfectly happy with someone who is 5 foot 11. And to me, it just seems so trivial - because ultimately, your height has no bearing on who you are as a person, and it is purely a gene lottery what height you are. Most men are the same height they were after reaching puberty 15, 20+ years ago.

And splitting hairs over such a small difference in height just seems bizarre. Can you visually picture the difference between someone is 5 foot 10, and someone who is 5 foot 11? I certainly can't.

I know men often get criticised on OLD for lying about their height, but I feel like these days it's cause and effect. If people didn't reject people over something so superficial, and in many cases over such a small difference in height, then men would be less likely to lie about it, don't you think?

Men exclude women for their weight and size everyday. We get over it.

Height isn’t looks…in YOUR OPINION. Attraction is subjective not objective. I don’t think race is looks and yet many would disagree with me.

For some people height is a facet of attraction. I don’t think I have even once been attracted to a man I towered over. Not in almost 5 decades of life.

Also I don’t find Zac Efron good looking personally.

Why are you hoping for wider availability of weight loss jobs? Have your preference but women don’t owe you thinness.

As a tall woman myself (5ft 8) I can attest that my experience is most men also have height preferences and will state them quite openly.

I love that there are women this ridiculously superficial. It means all of the amazing shorter men are left for those of us who place things like values, intelligence, sense of humour, kindness and integrity high on the list.

My OH is somewhere around 5 ft 6. I’m about an inch taller. There is nothing that isn’t masculine about him.

No? No one is required to date someone they’re not attracted to. Fat women are no more owed dates than short men, or indeed anyone.

Ah yes, because those qualities are never found in tall men, and a woman that wants a tall man couldn’t possibly be looking for a man with them too.

Men can be tall and all of those things on the list. I didn't marry DH simply because of his height - I married him because he's clever, kind, funny, romantic. Him being 6'3 is a part of the package; he could have been tall and handsome, and a total moron, and I'd not have been interested.

No one is saying short men can't be any of those things. They're just saying being short is not attractive to them. Women have a right to be as fussy as they please. Every man I've dated was tall and had a particular look to them, because that's what I'm attracted to. I have never and will never find a short man with blonde hair and muscles sexy. Just as there will be women out there who don't like tall men with dark eyes and longer dark hair. Should we all force ourselves to date someone we find physically unattractive just because they're nice people?

I couldn’t go out with someone shorter than me, I think I’d feel too manly. I love that my DH towers over me

This is really daft. My shorter OH is trained in multiple martial arts and is significantly stronger than I am. He could easily strangle me.

I'm the height of the average British man, which means many are shorter than me.

I'd say most women are drawn to men taller than we are - I've twice been connected with men shorter than me and it felt very off.

Liike I constantly felt too big, too hefty, unfeminine, uncomfortable.

Nice guys but a visceral no.

Like only being attracted to the opposite sex; only feeling right if they're taller may be one of those things we can't choose to change.

Either you’re daft or deliberately being obtuse. Firstly, I never said that taller men can’t have those qualities. I’m simply saying if someone would reject someone based on their height then clearly they value the superficial over all of those other qualities.

See previous comment.

I voted YABU because this is neither modern, nor an obsession. If height doesn't bother you personally, why are you affronted that it's an issue for others?

I am almost 6ft. Im in my late 40s: when I was young I never wanted to date boys, or later men, shorter than me because it made me feel large, awkward and unfeminine. So short men have never been attractive to me. I'm sure there are other characteristics that you find unattractive. Why do you think people doing OLD should go on dates with people they are likely to find unattractive?

But if they don't find them physically attractive, what's the point? It needs to be a balance, and I for one have met lots of shorter men with those qualities, but I didn't want to sleep with them. If I'm going to be shagging someone every day of my life, I want to be aroused by how they look as well as how their minds work.

What's shallow about wanting an intelligent, kind man who is also exactly what you want physically? I also wouldn't date an overweight man, because I like slim men. I wouldn't date a man with a shaved head because I love longer dark hair.

In terms of personality, I'd never date someone who wasn't university educated because I am and academia is a huge part of the world I live in. I also wouldn't date someone who couldn't make me laugh until I cried. Is that shallow too? Or should we all really just not bother having preferences and sleep with anyone just because they're "nice"?

I wouldn't say it was superficial; and certainly not modern - quite the opposite.

I think the preference about choosing the bigger, stronger partner is about who can protect, and pass on the genes to the children, because they're most likely to survive - it's pretty ancient and runs deep.

It's not daft, it's likely a trauma response. There are certain things I hate men doing (touching my dimples for example) because it's something my abuser did.

I also wouldn't date someone who reminded me in anyway of him. My abuser that is. So anyone with the same name for example.

One problem with OLD is that you only have one chance to win someone over. So people lie/embellish/use filters and round their measurements up or down to get through the initial assessment. Men add an inch to their stated height, women increase their acceptable minimum to allow for that, men add another inch...... Before long we'll all be thinking 5'5" is 6'!

Yep. I dated a mathematician once, and he was deeply abusive and violent. I would never, ever have gone near a mathematician again; even the word makes my skin itch, which I know logically is silly, but that's what happens.

I think this particular poster has a bit of an axe to grind tbh.

Lol. You’re expounding on the virtues of deeper attributes as if they cannot be valued alongside physical attraction.

Physical attraction may not be important to you, (and if you want to date Gollum so you can pay yourself on the back about not being like those superficial bitches, then no one is going to stop you), but wanting to feel it for a partner isn’t in any way unusual or some weird moral failing.

I'm 5'1 and definetly wouldnt want to be with a man shorter than me 😅

Gollum. I cackled as I was brushing my teeth. Thank you. 🤣🤣🤣

I get that people can stand in front of someone and think "I'm not into them". Making a judgment purely on the basis of a number on a screen is daft though. You can have two men who are the same height on paper but differing builds mean that one feels taller in person than the other.

It’s not remotely modern, it’s very old-fashioned.
It comes from ideas that men should have higher ‘status’ - so be bigger, earn more, older, more educated etc.

I’m perfectly fine with your ‘preferences’ - like I said, leaves more men for other women.