DH: don't ever, ever, ever ask me that again.

[Limemouse]

If my DH doesn't pick up when I phone will always ask him, 'why didn't you pick up,' when he answers the second time or when he phones me back.
I admit I will always ask him and will always reply with either I didn't hear or I was busy.

Last week I asked him the same question and he told me I was annoying him with such infantile questions and it was better I never phone him again if I was going to ask that question again

i think he is being unreasonable. It's a standard question to ask.

Team husband. Sorry.

I would be really irritated if you asked me that every time.

Reminds me of the phrase 'A phone call is an invitation not an order.' And that's from the landline days!

you are being unreasonable. Everyone is entitled to not answer a call if they don't want to. Hang up and send a message if important and at least its logged then. Maybe they were on a different call, speaking to someone and or at a cash register etc. People have lives other than answering the flipping phone. It's rude and controlling to keep asking that Q.

If I don't answer first time then the next time I always just say why I didn't without being asked, no matter who calls. It only happens very rarely though.

But if it happens a lot and you already know he's going to reply with one of two answers what's the point of keep asking?

Really? What the hell has it got to do with you why he didn’t pick up? There could be a whole myriad of reasons. He’s at work and certainly not answerable to you. Your question is infantile and I’m not surprised you were given short shrift, grow up, you are definitely being unreasonable.

The first time he misses your call its probably because he's busy - the second time will be so he doesn't need to deal with this

Do you think your time is more important than his time in general?

I never ask this question if someone doesn’t pick up my call. It’s accusatory and I would find it VERY annoying!

Sorry it would really annoy me if people asked why I didn’t pick up, I’m a grown adult who can decide when it is appropriate to pick up my phone.

Do you have jealousy issues? Are you insecure / suspicious when he doesn't answer immediately?

YABU. I couldn't put up with that. It sounds incredibly wearing of you.

What answer could he possibly give that isn't some variation of "because I couldn't"?

YABVU.

Utterly obnoxious behaviour on your behalf. I would lose my rag with you big time.

Yabu

That would really piss me off, I'd probably deliberately not answer more often.

Why do you feel you need to ask? It does seem strange. I'd be annoyed if my OH asked me that if I didn't answer! Very weird, OP.

Sounds really controlling

Me and DH pretty much HATE phone calls, the lack of visible body language really throws us.

We answer to each other though, DH answers his parents but other than that we likely just watch it ring unless we are expecting a specific call. Most my calls are spammers anyway. A phone call is a very rude thing really like walking in a room and yelling at someone 'stop everything and talk to me right now' and the truth is people don't have to, they can ignore that.

If DH didn't answer I would assume he was driving or in a meeting so would message him instead.

Asking would really piss me off but now i think about it my husband and i would almost always say 'sorry i missed you before' when we did speak. Sometimes give a reason but not always, more to acknowledge that we only call each other in the daytime if we need to confer on something that can't wait till the evening - such as childcare stuff or accepting a trip away for work or changes to who has the car each day.

Or maybe, you know.... Give him a chance to ring back instead of blowing his phone up because he didn't answer the first time . Surely that's what phone etiquette suggests? It sounds like you want to make a judgement on whether he was right or wrong to not pick up. Fuck that shit.

YABU

This would drive me nuts. There’s a number of reasons I don’t answer my phone. Such as:

Working, driving, getting served in the shop, having an in-person conversation, eating, Etc.

Are you paranoid about him/anything?

Ugh YABU, it's not a standard question is annoying and unnecessary and implies an unreasonable expectation that someone should ALWAYS answer calls. Totally with your DH on this.

I would find you overly demanding and would be very annoyed by this question.

I pick up my phone IF I am available and IF I want to talk to that person.

It is my phone, paid for by me, for my convenience - not others.

Take it as your signal not to pick up when he calls. Hard to emphasise it’s annoying without reciprocating.

Oh god this reminds me of my mother who used to leave voicemail messages screaming at me to pick up the phone (I think she thought I could hear voice mail messages as they were being left like in the olden days). It just made me delete the message and not call her back.