DH: don't ever, ever, ever ask me that again.

[Limemouse]

If my DH doesn't pick up when I phone will always ask him, 'why didn't you pick up,' when he answers the second time or when he phones me back.
I admit I will always ask him and will always reply with either I didn't hear or I was busy.

Last week I asked him the same question and he told me I was annoying him with such infantile questions and it was better I never phone him again if I was going to ask that question again

i think he is being unreasonable. It's a standard question to ask.

I’d get annoyed by that question as it’s just obvious busy or missed or not a good time to pick up. Asking it every time is ridiculous.

I'd be annoyed as well, why do you need to check up on him?

I don't blame him.

I would hate to be asked why I didn’t answer too.

Is this a reverse?

Of course you're being unreasonable!

Team husband.

Just do. It wouldn't bother me if he asked

But it does bother him, so don't keep asking. The answers are limited: busy, didn't hear the call, phone damaged/lost, didn't want to answer it.

Why do you keep phoning him? Why not just wait till he's home and talk to him then.

Myself and ex-partner used to sit down to dinner together and discuss our day then.

You are demanding to know why he doesn't drop what he's doing the minute you call? Wow. That's so obnoxious. Stop it - he doesn't need to justify himself to you over a missed call. Just assume he's busy, and will call back when he can.

See I would be bothered by this question. I would find it suffocating and indicative of a controlling spouse.

It would piss me off. I’m not surgically attached to my phone and you aren’t the Queen.

YABU

It's definitely NOT a "standard question to ask". It's needling, it's micro-managing, and slightly confrontational. I'd feel like I was being scolded, or suspected of doing something illicit.

Just stop asking.

Yeah I'd be annoyed by this. It's suffocating

Well, it bothers him, and it would bother the vast majority of people who have voted and replied.

Are you going to stop doing it, or continue to annoy him?

YABU and you know it.

Blimey. Needy much? No wonder he avoids your calls.

YABU, OP. He's an adult, why not assume that if he doesn't pick up it's for a good reason rather than constantly questioning it.

It sounds like an interrogation. Why are you treating him and questioning him like a child? I don't think you realise the effect this can have on him. No wonder he snapped. My cousin does similar to her brother and it makes him constantly on edge. It's very controlling and if it was the other way around we'd be saying he's a bully.

It sounds accusatory and aggressive - yabu.

I would be really irritated with DP if he kept asking me this, and so would he. It's incredibly rare for either of us to answer the phone. Both of us have our phones on silent when working, or lying around the house somewhere. Generally, we emerge from whatever we're doing, notice a missed call and ring back. Sometimes they other one then doesn't answer, and later calls back. If we kept asking the other one why they hadn't answered, our conversations would mainly consist of 'Why didn't you answer? Why didn't YOU answer? But you didn't answer first? And then you didn't answer when I did answer.'
It would be very tedious, and we'd probably never get to the reason why the first person actually called.

Please tell me this is a reverse.

This is immensely clingy /micromanaging behaviour

What does he usually say when you ask him why he didn't answer?