DH: don't ever, ever, ever ask me that again.

[Limemouse]

If my DH doesn't pick up when I phone will always ask him, 'why didn't you pick up,' when he answers the second time or when he phones me back.
I admit I will always ask him and will always reply with either I didn't hear or I was busy.

Last week I asked him the same question and he told me I was annoying him with such infantile questions and it was better I never phone him again if I was going to ask that question again

i think he is being unreasonable. It's a standard question to ask.

It would annoy me no end if someone asked me that every single time. Among other things, it implies a lack of trust, or an expectation that the person calling me expects me to be available to them 24/7. Now, that may well not be true, but it can certainly come off that way.

Mine too. Hello I have a job and kids, I don't always have my phone in my hand!

You sound very highly strung, neurotic and smothering. Who cares why he didn't answer the phone? Why do you even want to know? Who cares, he didn't answer. That's it. What if he was doing a shit, would you want him to tell you that? Please get some help.

What’s it got to do with you? Seriously - why do you need to know why he’s not available at the click of your impatient little fingers? You’d drive me nuts demanding explanations. Maybe he was on the toilet. Maybe he had a mouthful of food. Maybe he was in a conversation with someone. Your question makes it seem like you feel like you deserve an explanation as to why he doesn’t drop everything for you every time you require it. No wonder he’s pissed off!

Blimey. My husband hardly ever answers the phone as he’s busy and I’m the same. That question if asked every time would drive me mad. It obviously annoys your husband so why do it?

I’m annoyed by you just reading this. Stop it already!

YABU it's very needy of you

If you have a phone there's an expectation you're available 24x7, so bloody annoying.
If a caller is annoying, unwelcome or 'expected' a quicker reply, I tell them I'm still having a crap !

It would irritate the living daylights out of me if my OH were to ask me that ever single time. YABU - and needy.

You are being super unreasonable. That would drive me insane. People can’t always answer the phone straight away. You are being controlling and over the top in my opinion.

Just because the phone rings doesn't mean you have to answer. If someone knocks on your door and you're in the bath etc you wouldn't answer it unless waiting on something important.

I had an Ex who used to ask this, then ask to speak to whichever friend i was with or for me to be silent so he could hear the background noise to prove where I was.

It's a control thing and not ok OP.

Mine started with your question and it grew legs. Not attractive in a partner.

My DM used to expect a msg reply withing a couple of hour max as "surely you'd have looked at your phone within that time"
Finally put a stop to that too.

Please stop it OP, his reaction shows how much its been building up.

Always being questioned puts you on edge.

YABVVU
Being asked the same question every single time the call is missed would drive me insane.
Stop asking him!
I'm sorry, but you sound like a bit of a Welsh carrot!

Ugh. How irritating of you.

My mum is like a doll where you push a button and she says a line.

So nasty

I think it’s a reasonable question. It’s normal to ask this if your close family don’t answer at first.

I’d tell you I was busy doing a poo, every time you asked me that. Even if I clearly wasn’t. Honestly OP, it’s a ridiculously annoying, controlling question.

It’s a stupid question and it would annoy me too.

Maybe you could think about what else is going on in your mind, and why its so important to you that he answers immediately or explains why he doesn't. It seems to me that something bigger is at play, here. Do you feel you can't trust him? A suspicion maybe, or an insecurity? Has he given you reason in the past to feel either of those or other 'unsafe' things? Face that, within yourself, then talk to him about it.💜

It does strike me as an insecurity thing op.

And annoying him isn’t going to help you feel more secure.

I think it’s maybe time we stopped treating insecurity as a “ fault” because it tends to drive exploration of those feelings underground.

It would really piss me off if you kept asking me that. If I didn't pick up it would because I was busy - on another call, mid email, having a conversation with someone on the loo, eating, phone on silent etc.

What are you worried about? Drinking, affair, gambling

as someone who doesn't always have the spoons to feel like communicating, I don't always answer calls. and messages, I will deal with in my own time.

Wow, OP, you really got roasted here. Honestly, I think you're coming across as needy and annoying, and I'd probably block you too. But it looks like the others have already said it all.

@Limemouse ???