DH: don't ever, ever, ever ask me that again.

[Limemouse]

If my DH doesn't pick up when I phone will always ask him, 'why didn't you pick up,' when he answers the second time or when he phones me back.
I admit I will always ask him and will always reply with either I didn't hear or I was busy.

Last week I asked him the same question and he told me I was annoying him with such infantile questions and it was better I never phone him again if I was going to ask that question again

i think he is being unreasonable. It's a standard question to ask.

Yes, why op WHY?!!!

Because they don’t like the answers and were expecting everyone to say that DH is a big bad bastard and his bags should be packed.

but also lol.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Nice.

How often are you calling him?
Do you know where he's meant to be ie work, mums, church, park with kids?
Does he call you?
Do you ever miss calls from him?
Why are you wanting to know why he missed the call?
Hopefully you'll come back to answer some questions @Limemouse

Someone calling you is an invitation to talk, not a summons.

I like this, posted above. I can't believe you ask every time why he didn't answer before 😔

I doubt op will be back!

I hope this isn't going to be one of those post and run threads
Why I don't answer
In meetings
On Tube
In loo
In the library
Listening to a podcast or music
Cooking a complicated recipe
Writing a complicated report

DH: Same reasons.

Only 9 minutes had elapsed between the OP and your post. Perfectly reasonable to suppose this was 40 or so individuals all reading and responding to the subject more or less simultaneously and having the same view, rather than a gleefully pack joining in go a pile on

100%

This is why many of us HATE phones. An uninvited and unscheduled phone call is the stuff of nightmares for some people, and while your spouse is one person you should be able to make an exception for, it shouldn’t be that you have to be available 24/7 for fear of reprimands if you don’t answer.

My DP will text me first to ask if it’s ok to call me. Will let me know it’s nothing to worry about, give me a brief outline eg “I just want to confirm arrangements for xyz and it’s easier by phone.” and then keep it brief!

My ex used to just call me when he was in the car and it was convenient for him, regardless of the fact that it was 5.30 on his way home from work and I was a childminder so in the middle of cooking dinner for 8 children, while also keeping an ear out for them. He knew I hated phones and yet would keep me on the phone as long as he could for his own amusement, even though he had nothing to say, and could easily have FaceTimed me later in the evening when the kids were all gone home. Selfish prick.

So YABU.

There really aren’t that many answers to the question. What do you want him to say?

You sound like my mum. Is he not a grown man?!

Hahahaha I love this

Very often, it's not the case that between 9-10am is always a bad time for them; it's more usually that, for a minute/moment, they had their hands full, had gone for a wee, were about to sneeze, couldn't see where they'd put their phone down, had just had a gulp of coffee etc. etc.

As PP said, a ringing phone means that somebody would like to talk to you if/when you're available; it isn't meant to be a demand on your time this very instant.

@Limemouse and if he is at work, then why the hell are you phoning him anyway!! only emergency calls need to be answered during worktime! grow up!

Someone asking this implies that you need to explain yourself. Having said that I would normally say to someone’I was in a meeting before’ but if anyone asking me directly why I didn’t answer, I would find it annoying and a bit weird.

Oh this would drive me bonkers.

I would probably reply with sarcasm, such as “I was in the middle of clearing up the blood” or similar, but ultimately I too would tell someone to stop asking me that. Yes he was snappy but it seems he let his irritation fester too long.

Perhaps some more information is needed OP:
How often are you phoning him?
Are your calls about something important/ urgent or just for every day chat?
Are you phoning while he is supposed to be working?
Does he NEVER answer the phone first time?
Do you suspect he is up to " no good" when you phone?
Do you think he is not answering to annoy you?

I think if you gave more context you might get more sympathy instead of all the pp jumping straight in to be unpleasant to you.

Just send messages instead.

Why does it matter why he didn't pick up. I'd be annoyed if I kept being asked that question. It is infantile.

No it's not a standard question to ask. 🤨

If my boyfriend asked me this every time I didn't pick up, it would drive me fucking insane. You sound incredibly annoying.

😁😁

Next thread: When I wanted DH to explain himself for not leaping to pick up the phone when I called three times, he said 'Because I didn't want another fucking interrogation about what I'm doing.' I'm fuming. AIBU?

YABU, this is entirely a you problem

It might be a standard question for you to ask, but it isn’t a standard question to ask. It’s basically saying “what were you doing that was so important that you couldn’t take my call?” It’s none of your business what he was doing, perhaps he was on the loo, perhaps he was in a meeting, perhaps he was on the phone to someone else. If you don’t trust him then come out with it and say it to him, otherwise stop being so controlling.

We do ask each other every now and then. Every time? No.
I am not sure whether his reaction was proportionate. I guess it depends on how and when you ask him. I was just sitting and thinking that we never do it, then I remembered every time I missed a call from my partner, he would generally ask "what were you doing" but he says it in a jokey way and I will reply with a similar option to what @MaggieBsBoat suggested above. Much like I will ask my mum who is well known for not hearing her phone, or putting it on silent, or taking ages to pick up so it became a bit of a running joke in the family to say something about that when we do eventually get to speak.
However, it is was asked in a suspicious/accusatory manner, I wouldn't be happy about that. So, I guess it all depends on the context.