DH: don't ever, ever, ever ask me that again.

[Limemouse]

If my DH doesn't pick up when I phone will always ask him, 'why didn't you pick up,' when he answers the second time or when he phones me back.
I admit I will always ask him and will always reply with either I didn't hear or I was busy.

Last week I asked him the same question and he told me I was annoying him with such infantile questions and it was better I never phone him again if I was going to ask that question again

i think he is being unreasonable. It's a standard question to ask.

Oh I’m gonna side with him, that would irritate me especially if I was busy.
But I’m saying that when we miss a call, we usually say something sorry I missed you and explain we were busy.

YABU. I put my phone on silent when I need to concentrate, I don't imagine my DH spends his time at work or in meetings or driving with one ear out for the phone. I wouldn't dream of asking him why he didn't answer the phone, it's so intrusive and controlling.

Well it does him so don't do it ! It would certainly annoy me too.

It's a ridiculous and pointless question to ask him. I'd be annoyed if I were him, too.

Why are you phoning him so much, to begin with? Don't you live together? What on earth can't wait until evening/after work/whenever you both are physically present?

People used to function independently for entire days on end without their friends and family being instantly available. Seriously, what is so urgent??

If someone were continually questioning my whereabouts/availability/time management, they'd be an ex.

YABVU

He must be a very patient person because I would not put up with someone asking me why I didn’t answer my phone.

You sound controlling.
He’s a grown adult and doesn’t need to answer questions like that.

I don’t think I’d even ask my teenager that question.

They didn’t answer because they were busy, it was on silent, they were on another call, they were in a shop, on the toilet etc…it doesn’t matter what the answer is and it wouldn’t cross my mind to ask it.

I think you should show him some respect for his boundaries and not ask him this irritating question again, it must be as annoying as hell. I very rarely may answer my phone the first time, just because I’m busy or it’s on silent. It’s quite normal.

I completely agree with your DH. Do not ever ask that question again.

As everyone else has said, he answers your calls when he can. When he returns your call, stick to the original reason you called since he might have made time specifically because it was you and he thought it was urgent.

If you mean it in a friendly way, to inquire about his day in a loving way, rephrase your question but remember that when people are at work, they often don't have time to shoot the breeze irregardless of how much they love you.

My DH does something a bit similar. He says things like “ can we stop putting toy dogs on the sofa?” when he has never done it, so what it actually means is I forbid/ command you not to let the Dc put you dogs on the sofa.” (In truth it would probably make me even madder if he phrased it that way! )

You sound very young and VERY needy.

YABVVU …. How fucking annoying !! I’d never answer the phone again. Talk about hard work 🥴

I know! My reply would be what the fuck does it have to do with you!

Mu mum drives me up the bloody wall with wanting to know everyone's movements at all times.

What were you doing are you OK oh you didn't answer I was so worried .

I find it very controlling tbh.

The purpose of a mobile phone is for someone to potentially be contactable when out and about, if convenient for them (not you). Expecting them to be contactable at all times just because they have a phone on them is just bizarre.

And to spell it out - no, you're not the priority compared to catching my train, or doing my work, or buying my lunch, or talking to someone who's in front of me IRL, or just having a quiet bus ride in peace with my bus. You are not the priority compared with those things in the slightest. It's horrendously needy to demand otherwise.

My god, how utterly needy

Ha I did actually tell DP once I'd missed his previous call because I was filing my foot calluses. He didn't ask but it was true. Seductive.

Sorry, I’m also with your husband. This would drive me nuts. It’s also a totally pointless question - what are you going to do with the information? He’s a grown man, not a ten year old.

Sorry OP, I agree with all the others!

I would never want or expect someone to answer the phone when driving, for starters. Or when on the loo. Or when having a sensitive conversation or working. Or when just simply having fun and switching off from everything around them

The expectation of constant connectivity is so problematic for people's mental health.

And I am sick of people feeling they have to answer calls (or worse , reply to messages,) while driving. It makes the roads much more dangerous.

To be fair, what possible answer could he give that would satisfy you?

Every word of this. Thank you.

It would drive me mad, he shouldn't have to explain himself. Why would you ring the second time if he doesn't answer?

I was having sex with Natalie from Packaging down in the loading bay and you wouldn't believe how loud she is when she comes, you really wouldn't want to hear that

I was browsing flats on Rightmove and planning my escape from unrelenting domestic surveillance

I was abducted by aliens who kept me prisoner on Aldebaran-5 for 187 of their years, then returned me to Earth in time to answer your third call this morning

Like, if you met someone for drinks to catch-up, asking them "what's going on in your life?" is busy an obvious question. Asking a similar question related to the time you phoned is not bizarrely intrusive. It's just part of making conversation and being interested in the person you're talking to.

"What's going on in your life? when sitting in front of someone having a drink and a conversation is not the same, to me, as *why didn't you pick up the phone? What were you doing?"

One is interest, and the other is demand(ing) to know why I wasn't available to take a call to someone else's schedule. If a partner does that all the time, it is needy at best and controlling at worst.

Another vote for your husband’s side. It’s like an interrogation every time he does answer the phone.