DH: don't ever, ever, ever ask me that again.

[Limemouse]

If my DH doesn't pick up when I phone will always ask him, 'why didn't you pick up,' when he answers the second time or when he phones me back.
I admit I will always ask him and will always reply with either I didn't hear or I was busy.

Last week I asked him the same question and he told me I was annoying him with such infantile questions and it was better I never phone him again if I was going to ask that question again

i think he is being unreasonable. It's a standard question to ask.

Oh gosh I would stop answering your calls all together if you asked me that every time.

Good God woman, get a grip. Obsessive and needy much?
If this was a reverse, and it was HIM asking YOU all the time, everyone would be going on about "red flags!"

Why the hell does he have to give you a reason for not picking up first time?

Do you not trust him? Is he allowed to do things independently of you?

I'd only ask if DH hadn't picked up the phone in an hour, or if it was going straight to Voicemail. Anything else is totally unreasonable.

If someone says why didn't I pick up and I say I didn't hear it, and we repeat this every day it would get very tedious and annoying and I would think are they calling me a liar?

Now that you've asked the question so many times isn't it clear that he isn't picking up the phone because he didn't hear it?

If that's not good enough then you should have been able to move the conversation on to looking at how you can both address this issue somehow and looking at ways you can get around it. Have you not tried this?

Have you had any further discussion on it?

Absolutely this, sad to say he probably dreads seeing your caller id most of the time

Every single time? No, come on, really?
If true I think he was very restrained in his comments. Are you able to pick up the phone everytime someone calls you?
Seriously, just stop.

It would honestly never occur to me to wonder, let alone ask, why someone didn't pick up. I think I'd find that question annoying too.

Sorry OP. That annoyed me even reading that. He has answered the phone and that question is an immediate attack / accusation on your part. No wonder he reacted the way he did!

My god you would drive me crazy 😂

If I don't answer my phone to my Mother she sends me a text telling me to answer my phone. It pisses me off beyond belief. So guess what I don't answer her calls and I ignore the text message.

It bothers him. That’s the point. So stop.

You don't own him, leave him alone.

I tell my husband that I will never call him at work unless it is an absolute emergency. If I call, pick up.

That would drive me mad. Every single time I call my sister she says hello, I say hi, then she says what's wrong. Nothing is ever wrong. I never call her either a problem. It drives me crazy.

YABU. It is NOT a 'standard question to ask'. I'd find it infuriating if anyone asked me that, let alone my DH. Asking that (repeatedly) makes you sound desperately needy and/or controlling.

I ghosted a 30-year friendship over that "What's wrong?!" exclamation every time I called her.

Granted I had a few rough years with parents illness/death (as did she; we supported one another) but I don't think I had become such a downer that my every call was due to some emergency.

Making me feel like a burden and drama queen, and pre-empting every friendly phone call with that, was a major turnoff. Eventually I stopped phoning. She asked me at some point what was wrong, but I didn't bother responding truthfully. There's no coming back from being made to feel like a drain.

It doesn't matter why he didn't pick up. He's not obliged to.

You're doing something that you know annoys him and he's asked you to stop. I suppose ultimately it's up to you whether you stop or not.

@BettyBardMacDonald I know exactly what you mean. I don't bother calling her much anymore. The funny thing is that she is constant drama, there's always a catastrophe with her and I am the complete opposite. Every time she asks I correct her, I remind her that I never call with drama but she just can't seem to stop.

I'm not of the have a phone in my hand generation, but I would be annoyed if my DH often didn't pick up my calls. I would hope he would at least ring back and apologise, sorry in a meeting or something. Sounds disrespectful, you shouldn't need to ask he should have already told you why he didn't answer

That is really really annoying.

Oh this is very validating! My mum does this all the time and it drives me insane!

Do you have other scripts? My mum is like a doll where you push a button and she says a line.

Wow shocked at the responses!
I think asking why your partner didn’t answer or what they’re up to is perfectly reasonably. I couldn’t get cross about someone asking what I was up to unless I was upto no good and felt caught out!

In fact if I miss a call I call back and say ‘sorry I was in the shower’ or ‘sorry I was in the garden/walking dogs/cleaning out guinea pigs etc……
does he ever call you? Maybe don’t answer his calls, call him back 10 minutes later and don’t volunteer any info and just see if he asks you where you are! 😂

Busy flirting with someone else who's less irritating probably.