Not to go to my husband’s friend’s 40th birthday staycation? Trip is paid for me and his mum extra hotel room

[MumDaisy1980]

It’s me again! (For those who have been following the Las Vegas thread, ha)

it’s mid week and husband and I are not in a good state. We had a fight. We have a 6 month old baby.

this Saturday meant to go to this couple staycation for his mate 40th . I never said yes to it but the organiser need firm number so my husband just sign both us up. In terms of childcare, he is paying his mum to come along. So we will be going for dinner and mil to look after baby for few hours.

I have no mood to pack as in I am the one packing for the baby also. It is pretty by default kind of act.

my concern is if we not resolved for this small fight, I donno if I should go or not. Though bigger picture is as a wife I see this is important to him , this is like his best mate , so i would want to go for the sake of support him. It’s like a one off event. But deep inside and I am being short sighted I don’t want to go. I feel like he had not taken my feelings into account. Besides it’s bizzare his mate wife organise another pre drink tomorrow and my husband did say will got for a quick one (before we had a fight - I already told him I don’t think it’s good idea for him to go and he asked me why!!!)

on the other hand , becoz MIL is coming so if I don’t go - this May then spiral to MiL as in to find out why I don’t go. Or she may contact me to ‘care’ about me. At this stage I really don’t want anyone else to step into the matter between husband and me. The thought of all these I feel very heavy. I got a headache.

if I pretend everything is fine, in fact it’s not. Then I guarantee I will cry in the weekend and look super embarrassed!!

asking out loud - what should I do??? :’(

thanks @5128gap leaving him is like my least prefer solution.

I know. But it's always good to know it's an option if you have to. Because you're clearly very frustrated and unhappy and if he isn't willing or able to change, sometimes that's all there is.

Thanks @5128gap the baby is only 7 month old and seems too soon to draw conclusion about separation. But when the arguments happening every other day is really not feeling any love in the relationship.

That is a normal vacation, not a staycation.

Its a very stressful time when children are young. Made worse if you feel unloved and unsupported. Do you talk properly? Tell him you what would help you? Because you sound as though you say nothing, say nothing...then all the frustration spills out. Like today, could you not have said either 'you shop while I get my nails done then we'll go home together?' Or 'it makes no sense me coming back from my nails when the shops next door, meet me there' rather than go along with him and boil up? Do you speak your needs to him?

You are constantly fighting. You are constantly coming here moaning but sayinv you don't want to leave. This is a terrible situation for your baby to be in. Get a divorce or put up with the situation you created.

Thank you. @5128gap that’s exactly what I suggested calmly. I initiated a chat after baby fell asleep. With the aim to repair our relationship.

And the conclusion is that I have the problem. He thinks what we agreed were unfair on him - for example he come back home from work and pick up on the baby care. But since baby give birth he hasn’t done one day of night shift and he said when he is at work I am not working. Anyway the whole conversation he said I am one sided and he had no problem. I need to fix my own problem.

its sad we not going anywhere.

I said he need to go learn how to maintain marriage relationship and he said I need to go.