Not to go to my husband’s friend’s 40th birthday staycation? Trip is paid for me and his mum extra hotel room

[MumDaisy1980]

It’s me again! (For those who have been following the Las Vegas thread, ha)

it’s mid week and husband and I are not in a good state. We had a fight. We have a 6 month old baby.

this Saturday meant to go to this couple staycation for his mate 40th . I never said yes to it but the organiser need firm number so my husband just sign both us up. In terms of childcare, he is paying his mum to come along. So we will be going for dinner and mil to look after baby for few hours.

I have no mood to pack as in I am the one packing for the baby also. It is pretty by default kind of act.

my concern is if we not resolved for this small fight, I donno if I should go or not. Though bigger picture is as a wife I see this is important to him , this is like his best mate , so i would want to go for the sake of support him. It’s like a one off event. But deep inside and I am being short sighted I don’t want to go. I feel like he had not taken my feelings into account. Besides it’s bizzare his mate wife organise another pre drink tomorrow and my husband did say will got for a quick one (before we had a fight - I already told him I don’t think it’s good idea for him to go and he asked me why!!!)

on the other hand , becoz MIL is coming so if I don’t go - this May then spiral to MiL as in to find out why I don’t go. Or she may contact me to ‘care’ about me. At this stage I really don’t want anyone else to step into the matter between husband and me. The thought of all these I feel very heavy. I got a headache.

if I pretend everything is fine, in fact it’s not. Then I guarantee I will cry in the weekend and look super embarrassed!!

asking out loud - what should I do??? :’(

What if you sail to another country? Or drive, from France to Belgium, say? Staycation or vacation?

The word staycation was apparently coined in 1944 to save on gasoline use in the US somewhere. So driving 300 miles, say, in your own country, probably didn't fit the original use of the word.

I think you need to grow up a bit, and stop with all the pettiness. 🤷‍♀️

Unless it's a 'splitting up' fight y'all just need to resolve it and go have fun. Life is too short to linger over petty squabbles. X

Thank you. Your point of view is close to mine

exactly that - create tasks. The couple meet up is some sort of murder mystery and the organiser circulated pages of background , asked to dress up (I am completely out of shape now). Need to act for the night. Husbsnd looked forward to it , read everything already. I felt extra tasks and on top of packing?! I left husband to find out any cot from hotel, last time I asked him he said forgot to ask and that’s like on Sunday. If there is no cot I will leave him to solve the problem too.

since giving birth, all attention to baby. He could pay for cleaning childcare, but he can’t pay for a lover. He missed the part to show care and being a loving husband. Nowadays not even a greeting and a kiss on return home , no even hold hands when we walk down the nearby cafe . I don’t like that a lot. When I show affection like put my head on his shoulder he just carry on stare at the phone.

any of these small gesture when I communicated across he would say out of proportions. But I explained when it added up its would become a big deal but he seemed never get it.

Another one who can't stand the use of staycation to mean booking accommodation somewhere for leisure purposes.

It's a break, trip or holiday if you're doing that - regardless of where you do it or which government the territory legally belongs to.

A staycation is a silly and obviously misunderstood word for doing touristy things, day trips or general relaxing from your own home. Because you stay at home.

thanks and agree. The problem is he doesn’t pull his weight. Been chat calmly and been loosing the temper nothing changed.

feel helpless and not happy in the relationship.

My staycation I meant we drive one hour away and stay in hotel for the weekend. All couples meet up for the evening meal + activity.

it had cost us £600 as a couple. Not counting the hotel room for us + his mum stay.

I wonder if you are a bit all over the place after having a baby OP. Because you are sounding quite unreasonable. It sounds as though people are really trying to make sure you have a nice time.

I know it's exhausting adapting to a new baby, you feel frumpy and out of it, sometimes it's weird when everyone else just seems to be getting on with their lives.

I think we're derailing the thread but I can see both of your points of view.

I agree a staycation is staying home and doing days out, although many, (including OP) use it to mean staying in home country. It might just evolve it's meaning, words do that.

You did every holiday out of your home is 'going abroad'. Going abroad might literally mean leaving your home, but EVERYONE considers it to be leaving your home country. No one would say 'I'm going abroad to Skegness' (unless they live in Italy). So this is where lololulu is quite rightly having an issue with comprehension.

No you don't

A holiday in the UK if you live in the UK is not "technically abroad"

A holiday away from home in the country you live is a domestic holiday

A holiday where you leave the country you live is a foreign holiday

A holiday where you stay at home at go for days out is a staycation

Obviously, I am old!

Which bit don't you understand?

This is so frustrating. OP came on looking for advice and support, and nearly every post has been people bickering over the definition of staycation! I find it really rude and disrespectful.
During Covid, some people started using staycation to mean holidays in the UK. Some people seem very pissed off about this. But who really cares?? It's just a modern, made up word anyway!!
Can't people just respond to OP'S questions or not at all?

A holiday in our country could be called a UKation.

Can everyone stop banging on about the staycation; I'm trying to follow the actual thread.

It's difficult to know exactly what's going on with your marriage OP. But there seems to be a lot of petty arguments and micro aggressions that are bringing you both down. Whether that's your fault or his fault or a bit of both is really not clear.

I really think you need to put your game face on and try and enjoy this weekend without fighting or kicking off. Please don't ruin someone else's occasion just to get one up.

Babies test even the strongest of marriages. Have you considered counselling?

If you refuse to go now, you are probably destroying your marriage. Think about whether that's what you want to do. It would be very unfair on the people who invited you and on MIL, also.

Is there a reason your DH can't pack for the baby? Could he give you a bullet point version of the information you need for the murder mystery? Basically, what can he pick up that will relieve some of the burden of the trip?

The OP insisted her husband spend a month with her parents after the baby was born. He put up with a month with the in laws to appease her.
It sounds whatever he does, she is irritated by him. There have been so many threads.
Leave or stay and make a go of it. I am sure he is ready to compromise but I really think the OP wants permission to leave. She clearly dislikes her husband.
OP, only you know if the love has gone and you want out. No one need stay in an unhappy marriage.
You dislike so much about him. You don't like his friends and his family. You dislike your MIL even though you insisted your husband spend a month with your difficult parents ( your words from a previous thread), you martyr yourself and you must be very difficult to live with.
Time to try and make a go of it or time to make plans for separation.

Leave it with the fucking staycation twattery. The OP is having a hard time. If you people think it is so fascinating, go and have a private fucking staycation fucking meet-up for staycation bores elsewhere.

I agree with this. I think a staycation is when you stay in your own home and do holiday type things in the day. Staying away from home, even half an hour away, counts as a holiday, a domestic one.

But I would never use abroad to describe a holiday in the UK- rightly or wrongly for me (and most others) I think this means somewhere over the sea (and not Ireland, the Isle of Man, Scottish isles etc).

OP I think you should go on the weekend away but try to work out what you want to do in slower time- if you have your MIL for childcare maybe try to take a couple of hours for yourself for a coffee/ walk and get a couple of early nights if you can (it’s perfectly acceptable for you to excuse yourself from some of the party activities so long as you don’t give your DH a bollocking for staying).

You really think if you live in Birmingham and go to Great Yarmouth, you're going abroad?!

Or if you live in Manchester and go to the Lake District that it's going abroad?!

yea there was times I felt all over the place. So I expressed to my dear husband. but what I realised now he is unreliable. Nothing he could really help on my day to day duty. I geniuely would have thought his role is to support me.

You sound like hard work OP, not sure you actually like your husband either.

Lots of complaining about his lack of effort but you're on here whining that he has arranged a nice weekend and sorted child care so you can have a break and enjoy yourself...but you don't want to pack a bag.

The person she doesn't understand is the one who quoted her to say that going on holiday on your own country is considered going abroad except you don't go by plane

@YellowphantGrey

Thanks I don't know why those 3 keep quoting me!!