Not to go to my husband’s friend’s 40th birthday staycation? Trip is paid for me and his mum extra hotel room

[MumDaisy1980]

It’s me again! (For those who have been following the Las Vegas thread, ha)

it’s mid week and husband and I are not in a good state. We had a fight. We have a 6 month old baby.

this Saturday meant to go to this couple staycation for his mate 40th . I never said yes to it but the organiser need firm number so my husband just sign both us up. In terms of childcare, he is paying his mum to come along. So we will be going for dinner and mil to look after baby for few hours.

I have no mood to pack as in I am the one packing for the baby also. It is pretty by default kind of act.

my concern is if we not resolved for this small fight, I donno if I should go or not. Though bigger picture is as a wife I see this is important to him , this is like his best mate , so i would want to go for the sake of support him. It’s like a one off event. But deep inside and I am being short sighted I don’t want to go. I feel like he had not taken my feelings into account. Besides it’s bizzare his mate wife organise another pre drink tomorrow and my husband did say will got for a quick one (before we had a fight - I already told him I don’t think it’s good idea for him to go and he asked me why!!!)

on the other hand , becoz MIL is coming so if I don’t go - this May then spiral to MiL as in to find out why I don’t go. Or she may contact me to ‘care’ about me. At this stage I really don’t want anyone else to step into the matter between husband and me. The thought of all these I feel very heavy. I got a headache.

if I pretend everything is fine, in fact it’s not. Then I guarantee I will cry in the weekend and look super embarrassed!!

asking out loud - what should I do??? :’(

Thanks! it's just a one night stay. Yes the plan is I am attending the meal + activity and won't go to the after party. husband will continue to stay out. I will pick up baby from MIL. I don't anticipate any help from him. But he has the tendency showing very hands on in front of his fam and my fam . I found it hard to bare.

So your think he should leave the same time as you? Why can't you go to the party if MIL is there to babysit?

You've both been invited, your DH has arranged a babysitter, arranged everything else and your angry at this as well the fact your expected to pack your clothes amd babies clothes?

I've not read your other thread but I've seen comments on here from people who have that have said from all your posts, your marriage is dead in the water.

What is the real issue?

I have posted a definition of abroad. So yes, it is

Even though the definition of abroad is to travel overseas or go to a foreign country?

I think this is the first thread I've read where the majority of posters are NOT blaming the man, and are telling OP she is the U one.
But I don't think OP is getting the message. I don't know the background, to me I can't see what the husband had done wrong?

I'm struggling too. I've not read her other posts though. From this all I'm getting is that all she has to do is pack babies clothes, he's done everything else and she says he doesn't consider her?

I mean it depends how the day is set up but I’d be tempted to go for the meal and then excuse myself from the activity so I could get a couple of hours to myself or a couple of hours sleep? I think you need to be focussing on the longer term rather than getting caught up in this weekend.

I often end up defending men if I feel they're being blamed unfairly. However, in this case I can see why OP is a bit pissed off. Her DH has just been with mates to Las Vegas, he has another lads trip to Europe coming up (also this month, I think) and this weekend away. Op's not in the mood to party because she's fed up with doing everything for the baby. She says he doesn't pull his weight at home.
I always argue for parents going away with their mates. I think it's important that you can go away and have fun with friends. But I can see that three times in one month isn't great. It's a lot of time of OP solo parenting while her DH has fun. Also think of the cost!!

No, it isn't. Abroad can mean outside of ones home
Look it up if you cannot be bothered to look for my previous post

OP…
with the best will in the world…
You are an adult
You have a young child
Presumably you have a home and had a job pre-baby.
You have friends and relatives and are part of a wider community.
Across all of your thread on this issue, I have had one thought - you really really need to grow up. You sound and act like a teenager. So much drama. Compromises and talking things through is difficult and that is part of the ‘work’ in a relationship.
You have added a child to this marriage. You really really need to grow up.

Thanks. I am open to counselling. But I would think this should be last resort , as in if both of us have tried all we could to upkeep the relationship. And I am sure he doesn't , and no point if go to counselling and in fact say the obvious things that he didn't do. And it shouldn't be me going counselling , not a post natal but a marriage - both of us to go for counselling. He more thinking only me need to go.

That's Collins dictionary definition

I've tried to ignore the Abroad derail but I have to add I go by the dictionary definition and have never once heard anyone using it to mean visiting another part of their own country!

@ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood I think this is a case where “abroad” in the specific context of holidays has changed for 99.9% of people. Try testing it with a few friends!

Thanks. And your post made me cried. Indeed this is my thought, but on the other hand it's co-incident all birthdays in one month. I am not happy that I have to ignore him to feel good about myself. In recent fight, completely ignoring him I feel light weight and no need to wait action to be taken after asking to do this and that. but just one day with the baby yesterday , I feel pain everywhere. It's not nice.

on contrary, I could telll he dunno what to do at home, he did try to make eye contact with me but I just ignore him. I just don't want to talk to him.

I feel like run out of options of how to move forward,

Good idea. Thanks. The activity is a paid activity though. It cost £300 each (including meal). So really got to think about it.

Thanks. I am sure he can. But now I am at a stage don't want to talk to him at all. Will see how the week goes.

HaHa. I would have to clarify that he did not arrange the weekend. It's the organiser plan for a couple weekend and he signed up without my consent. Even the hotel full package is the organiser say if you joining then pay £x. The activity is a couple thing. He needs to go with +1. I even said could I not go, and he sort of say it's a couple thing, it wouldn't work if +1 not go. it's not his intention to plan anything nice for me as far as I am concerned.

OP you sound much younger than my adult children! Never go to bed having not resolved a disagreement (minor or otherwise) - I have a friend who after a minor disagreement continued to 'huff' for a few days. Refused to engage with her husband. He got up on day 3 and set off for work. He never made it - He was killed in an accident. She still feels terrible - her last interaction with her husband was anger. I've been married for 40 years and we have minor disagreements which are always resolved quickly - life is too short to hold grudges....

You either need to sort things out with your husband, like an adult, or pack your things and move back in with your parents.

How long have you been together? And is this your first child?

What was he like before children?

Has his life pretty much stayed the same but yours changed?

Seconding this. Staycation means you are making day trips from your own house!

Oh honestly, grow up.
Not wanting to make eye contact with your husband FFS!

Please don't ruin someone else's birthday because you're being a princess.

So you refuse to speak to him for days after a minor disagreement but you're also angry at him for not showing you affection?

I think you might be too late for counselling

🤣

Tbh I've read your other threads, including the one you started on Tuesday, and I think the truth is somewhere in the middle. Your husband is pretty selfish in that he doesn't seem to realise that life and priorities have to change when you have a wife and child. However, I also think from some of your updates you sound extremely hard work and demanding sometimes. You keep coming on here for advice but no one here can make your marriage work the way you want it. Personally I think you'd both be better off having a trial separation for a few months and see where you go from there.