Not to go to my husband’s friend’s 40th birthday staycation? Trip is paid for me and his mum extra hotel room

[MumDaisy1980]

It’s me again! (For those who have been following the Las Vegas thread, ha)

it’s mid week and husband and I are not in a good state. We had a fight. We have a 6 month old baby.

this Saturday meant to go to this couple staycation for his mate 40th . I never said yes to it but the organiser need firm number so my husband just sign both us up. In terms of childcare, he is paying his mum to come along. So we will be going for dinner and mil to look after baby for few hours.

I have no mood to pack as in I am the one packing for the baby also. It is pretty by default kind of act.

my concern is if we not resolved for this small fight, I donno if I should go or not. Though bigger picture is as a wife I see this is important to him , this is like his best mate , so i would want to go for the sake of support him. It’s like a one off event. But deep inside and I am being short sighted I don’t want to go. I feel like he had not taken my feelings into account. Besides it’s bizzare his mate wife organise another pre drink tomorrow and my husband did say will got for a quick one (before we had a fight - I already told him I don’t think it’s good idea for him to go and he asked me why!!!)

on the other hand , becoz MIL is coming so if I don’t go - this May then spiral to MiL as in to find out why I don’t go. Or she may contact me to ‘care’ about me. At this stage I really don’t want anyone else to step into the matter between husband and me. The thought of all these I feel very heavy. I got a headache.

if I pretend everything is fine, in fact it’s not. Then I guarantee I will cry in the weekend and look super embarrassed!!

asking out loud - what should I do??? :’(

I'd kindly suggest you read previous posts arguing the definition of a staycation! It's taken up most of the thread!

I know what a staycation is. I don’t know OPs home country

It doesn't matter though? A staycation is staying at home with days out, a holiday in your own country is a domestic holiday and going Abroad is leaving your country for a holiday

Is that the definition decided by mumsnet users lol.

1. a holiday spent in one's home country rather than abroad, or one spent at home and involving day trips to local attractions.

taken from the Oxford dictionary, so my first comment was correct

NO, ON A STAYCATION YOU STAY AT HOME.

I’m not sure why the capitals are needed it doesn’t make it any more true lol. Yes a staycation is EITHER stay home and have days out OR you go away in your own country

just an update - ha well up until tonight , we’ve reconciled … he showed he pulled his weight and he didn’t go to the pre-birthday drink on thurs.

then this eve - I just asked the rough timing about tomorrow that simple. Like when we depart from home. Super simple question. He back to the usual mode like his brain just shut off when talk to me - like brush me off. He said ‘I don’t know’ . ‘We got to be there at 4pm’. (When all the time even the invite he forwarded to me say 6.30pm) then it’s the time we both realise we don’t have the same info. He then said oh you didn’t get that? I just forwarded it to you. But I just want to cover it quickly then retired for the eve and the phone wasn’t with me. So I asked what does it cover ? He kept said I sent to you but literally it’s on his hand. I then said my phone not with me , what’s the timing. Then he just said little bit like 4pm drinks 5pm cake cutting. Then I asked oh what about the activity , is everyone dress up by 4pm. Then he seemed can’t be bother and said I am not the organiser - you are invited , anything find out from the organiser . It’s super bizzare given I m +1 . And it’s back to the create tasks point earlier in the posts. Then I told him it’s extra tasks for me to do , then he didn’t get it and said it’s just 10sec job to figure out the itenary. And initially I don’t want to spiral to a fight and I said ok then I will watsapp whoever . Then even he felt odd and quickly retract and somehow could tell me 5.45-6.30pm is the time everyone get changed. Like what he couldn’t answer in the first place?

i just told him the big picture of I found him being lazy and after our chat he said what he would do but he didn’t. He just apologise the other day and suggested shall we do the chat again and from now on we will stick to it!!!!!! I said no point to have second time chat if it will just repeat.

when I m his +1 it’s very strange he just throw the ball to me and leave me sort out everything. When he is +1 he would ask me stuff for me to sort out for him. When I mention he the indifference … he just didn’t get it, said he is uncomfortable to say it himself (whatever that was).

for those who thinks I should go to the event and forget the small argument (which I am trying to). Any comments best way forward?! I don’t want to have the argument but I felt obliged to raise to him immediately whenever he being disrespectful to me until it became a habit.

Best way forward?
As I said on page one, dump him

Get a divorce. You are endless and he has checked out.

Agree with this.

I’m sure your husband is a dick. But you are really hard work too. Just do each other a favour and split up before this ridiculous farce starts to affect your child.

Agreed. You are looking for an argument and the moment to prove your point.

Well technically not because you don't need to know the OPs country, it's irrelevant in terms of a staycation

I use staycation to mean staying at home and having days out, so do many, many others.

However I will die on the hill that staying overnight in your own country ISN'T going abroad

Except you got the meanings wrong.

You're insistent that a holiday in your own country is considered going abroad. It isn't.. I've given the definition as well as proof from two dictionaries and you are still insisting that you are right.

You must be incredibly difficult in real life if you constantly argue, despite being proven wrong.

It may be your use of English that's making this hard work as it hasn't translated to read well and the whole thing is just exhausting, the constant searching for ways to trip him up and prove a point.

I'd honestly end it. It's going to be a long life for both of you if this is regular occurance.

Why live so miserably if you can change it?

And I have provided a dictionary definition, so we could spend eternity arguing
My life comprises people who have a broad vocabulary, comprehension and other debating skills, amongst other attributes, so no arguments about the use of language
Thanks for your assumptions about me, though.

Just split up and be happy on your own. This sounds exhausting for everyone.

My life comprises people who have a broad vocabulary, comprehension and other debating skills, amongst other attributes, so no arguments about the use of language

This is hilarious.

Especially when you're, quite simply, unable to grasp the language, it's evolution and fluidity of it.

Abroad is defined as leaving the country you live in.

As clarified by Oxford English Dictionary and the Cambridge English Dictionary. Are you going to write to them and tell them they've got it wrong?

You've used the word abroad incorrectly and are using abroad to cover everything you do when you leave step outside the front door.

Going to the shops, going to your next village or town or a day trip in your own country longer, doesn't mean you've travelled abroad.

The fact you're using words in the wrong country text and arguing and insisting your life revolves around debates and language is worrying, given you can't seem to apply it properly here.

You see, from this exchange, I don't think he's done anything wrong. He's not leaving you to do everything, hes already sent you the information and was just being a bit vague about the times. You were asking a lot of questions and he was probably tired.
I get like this myself. For example, today we're going to a family birthday party for my cousin. A couple of days ago, DH was bombarding me with questions about it when I wasn't really in the mood to talk. He was saying things like "So what time exactly do we need to leave the house? What time is the train? Who's going to be there? Shall we take some wine?" Etc etc. I knew all the answers to the questions but at that particular moment, I was tired and couldn't be bothered to answer everything, so I became vague and was basically trying to just end the conversation. I wasn't expecting DH to do everything. I just wasn't in the mood for engaging. Later on, I was in a better mood and discussed the plans with him. Other times, I've sent him the info (like your DH sent you the info) and he'll start asking me questions and I'll just say "But I sent it to you. Read the email". It's tiring when someone asks you lots of questions and you know you've already given them the information.
I don't think you should overeact to him being vague. Don't escalate it into an argument. I'd just say "OK, I'll read it later." End of conversation.

Knowing the OPs country would help determine if she is having a staycation or not

Just because you use something doesn’t mean it’s the only correct answer. I could equally say I use staycation as holidaying in the country you live in or staying home and taking day trips so do many, many others. Plus the definition in the dictionary uses the same as me that’s far more correct than peoples opinions.

I have never once said staying overnight in your home country is going abroad so that comment isn’t relevant to me because staying overnight in your home country is a STAYCATION

A staycation: staying in your own country for a holiday or staying at home and doing days out

What difference does it make what country the OP lives in if she's not leaving the bloody country?!

Those of you derailing this thread arguing about a staycation for over half of it are really out of order, why not go start a thread about it and leave this woman to get the support she is asking for on HER THREAD!

Op, I get why you'd be annoyed about the multiple trips away in one month. There is no way my DH would do this. With regards to help with the baby in general, your dh also seems really lacking.

I'd absolutely hate this couples weekend having been arranged without me being asked. It sounds like your DH wanted to go, knew he couldn't ask for ANOTHER trip away without you so just said yes to it for both of you without consulting you. When your exhausted from sleepless nights and solely caring for a baby, I couldn't be bothered getting dressed up for some stupid murder mystery thing, it isn't my cup of tea but my dh would know and respect that and ask me first.

Communication seems like your biggest issue here and the lack of change/help from your DH. It does sound like you resent that alot and are often ready for an argument as it is the only way you're getting any reaction/interaction from him.

To be honest, if I didn't want to go I wouldn't. I'd say I was ill and he can find someone else to go and stay home and get a takeaway. At this point if he won't go to counselling to resolve the issues, it sounds like the relationship is dead in the water. So why put yourself out going to something you can't be bothered with.

You’re missing the point. I may of read it I may of not I can’t remember but I know she was going to vegas for the trip what I don’t know/can’t remember is where she is going from….. which makes the difference! If she lives in Vegas but going to a hotel she’s on a staycation if she’s flying from England to vegas she’s not on a staycation.

You’re also contradicting your answers so maybe your getting confused in all your posts, I said the definition of a staycation yet you argued I was wrong yet you’ve literally put the definition at the top of this comment as what I’ve been saying all along 🤦‍♀️

@YellowphantGrey
You are exhausting
Goodbye

The Vegas one was a completely different thread and incident, not this one. OP has posted on this site multiple times each time DH goes away goes out and I think it's all getting muddled up as people keeping bring the other threads into this

And I should have been clearer on my reply

Whether you use staycation in either sense, it doesn't matter what your home country is.

Mark Twain never spoke a truer word. You've proved this multiple times on this thread.