Not to go to my husband’s friend’s 40th birthday staycation? Trip is paid for me and his mum extra hotel room

[MumDaisy1980]

It’s me again! (For those who have been following the Las Vegas thread, ha)

it’s mid week and husband and I are not in a good state. We had a fight. We have a 6 month old baby.

this Saturday meant to go to this couple staycation for his mate 40th . I never said yes to it but the organiser need firm number so my husband just sign both us up. In terms of childcare, he is paying his mum to come along. So we will be going for dinner and mil to look after baby for few hours.

I have no mood to pack as in I am the one packing for the baby also. It is pretty by default kind of act.

my concern is if we not resolved for this small fight, I donno if I should go or not. Though bigger picture is as a wife I see this is important to him , this is like his best mate , so i would want to go for the sake of support him. It’s like a one off event. But deep inside and I am being short sighted I don’t want to go. I feel like he had not taken my feelings into account. Besides it’s bizzare his mate wife organise another pre drink tomorrow and my husband did say will got for a quick one (before we had a fight - I already told him I don’t think it’s good idea for him to go and he asked me why!!!)

on the other hand , becoz MIL is coming so if I don’t go - this May then spiral to MiL as in to find out why I don’t go. Or she may contact me to ‘care’ about me. At this stage I really don’t want anyone else to step into the matter between husband and me. The thought of all these I feel very heavy. I got a headache.

if I pretend everything is fine, in fact it’s not. Then I guarantee I will cry in the weekend and look super embarrassed!!

asking out loud - what should I do??? :’(

So your dh sorted arrangements and childcare. That was pretty decent. I'd try to drop the row and have fun.

If my husband was invited to vegas for his Mate's 40th I'd just let him go. Unless he's a good friend too?

How much would you lose if you and his mum stayed at home?

@PeloMom

You do book a hotel and travel on a staycation but only in your own country.

Slightly derailing, but not a staycation. Pisses me off (as do many such things!) that this term is constantly repeated by people who do not understand it's meaning.
Staycation = you stay in your own home while on holiday
Otherwise, it's an abroad holiday (even if in your own country, as 'abroad' means outside your own home, not just going overseas)

Plus why wouldn't you pack for the baby? Not all but I'd say a large majority of men wouldn't have a clue what a baby needed. I'd definitely want to do it.

Non of that makes any sense.

Really kindly I would just go.
sounds like you’re maybe a bit post natal and massively over thinking this.
you go out for the meal, MiL babysits then you make your excuses and head back to the hotel and snuggle up with baby.
everyone’s happy x

To even consider this, not going to someone's big birthday party, in a few days time, because you've had a minor disagreement with your husband, days ago, is off / disrespectful.
Agree with pp, you sound like hard work.

Oh, which bit don't you understand?
Staycation is NOT a holiday in one's own country, it is a holiday at one's own home (i.e., you do not go away)
Abroad, by definition, means anywhere that is not your home. So even if you have a holiday in the UK, technically you are abroad, so not having a staycation
Not that bloody difficult really

Nope makes no sense still

MN is the gift that keeps on giving. I now know I have been using “staycation” wrong my entire life.

I haven’t been following this. However, from what you’ve said here, it sounds as if therapy and possibly antidepressants might be an idea.

Are you working right now? I think it’s normal to pack your baby’s stuff up if you’re the main caregiver. It is easier to anticipate their needs. As a sahm, I also pack up dh’s. But that’s just me.

If you still can't understand, despite the very clear explanation, that's not the poster's fault.

Haven't read your other threads

But , going just on this one, I dont understand why you dont want to go?

Why are arguments dragging on for so long? And why did you not want him to go out for drinks?

Your husband has sorted out a good solution for childcare. Maybe it would be good for you both to put the argument behind you and move on by having a good time together.

If the argument is so big that you cant move past it by the weekend, then do you need to take bigger steps eg couples therapy ? Or begin to end the relationship?

Its not healthy to have arguments and resentment that lasts days at a time and you can't move past.

@MumDaisy1980 Why are you even with your husband? You don't seem to like or respect him, you hold small arguments for days and tell his family on him to embarrass him. If he's not pulling his weight then you'd be better off alone and less stressed than constantly bickering because he only does things that you ask him to do. Does he have other children or is this his first too?

You're posting on here because you're going to a friend's 40th (with your MIL to provide babysitting) He has proactively done something to ensure you have free time to enjoy yourself and baby will be looked after and you still aren't happy because you had a small argument days ago.

Have a grown up conversation. Make a specific list of what he will be responsible to do every day, varied to his shifts. Discuss paid childcare and go back to work yourself.

Too much drama . Just get over it .

It is sad that you seem unable to comprehend a simple explanation

The argument is dragging on, or at least festering, I would imagine because OP is sleep-deprived and if she had been asked, would have given a different answer. The packing is an issue because it is one more thing she has to do when she is exhausted.
As it is, she has been presented with a fait accompli and has her choice taken away from her and a task created for her. It sounds like OP wants some time and support from her husband and that is the context of the part about the drinks on Friday evening. That is what I surmise but I don’t know the context of the other thread.
I do tend to agree with other posters that this friend’s 40th is not the time or place to make a stand by not attending. However, it would be reasonable to request consultation with you next time your husband plans a night away and childcare; this for me would be just about courtesy. It is important also to make sure that you have time to see your own friends as well, so I guess I would be looking to ensure that too.

Holiday - leaving your house and staying somewhere else
holiday abroad - leaving the country for the above purpose
staycation - stupid recently invented word for taking annual leave but not going anywhere

Hallelujah! Thanks for getting in first.

I think you should stay at home with the baby and let your poor husband go and enjoy himself without your presence as you sound hard work.

@ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood
@LePetitMaman

A staycation - A vacation spent at home or nearby, without flying to another country.

Abroad - Holidaying in or to a foreign country or countries.

It annoys me because the wrong interpretation suggests that the user thinks a holiday in one's own country isn't really a proper holiday - it needs a new word to explain the concept, as though it's a very odd idea.

Which just seems patronising to those of us who holiday in the UK.

Wrong

Abroad = adverb & adjective

1. Out of one's own country.
2. In a foreign country or countries.
3. Away from one's home.

I read your other thread. I think you need to move on from Vegas now. There's no point holding into a grudge. If you don't want to go to the other 40th celebration then don't- but it shouldn't be out of spite.
I think what's important now is moving forward and making sure you're not always left holding the baby. It's fine for your DH to socialise (and you when you feel ready) but he needs to pull his weight at home, as well.