To think "pretty privilege" can start really early?

[donniedarko89]

"Pretty privilege" is the term used to describe the unfair advantages that people who conform to society's beauty standards receive.

AIBU to think that it can start as early as the first years of primary school? I am noticing these dynamics in DD's school, with "popular cliques" already forming in Year 1. Is this just in my head?

It's so rude, and outright cruel. What a thing to say to someone - I honestly think some of it is trying to bring people down a peg or two, because in their mind attractive women must think they're God's gift. It just isn't the bloody case at all, we're just trying to get on with our day. I don't feel like they must even comprehend that these comments can stick with people.

I've had the comments about not eating - I remember one time being accused of having an eating disorder. As I was eating a bloody Subway sandwich! It's just vicious.

Thing is most people are attractive particularly when young & a bit of time, effort & money you can make yourself more attractive eg better hair, skin, clothes etc. very few people are downright ugly just like very few are beautiful. And even then people have very different ideas, I think Angelina Jolie is stunning, plenty would disagree.

Yes, that was the one.

That's it exactly - they want attractive women taken down a peg or two. Especially if they're spiteful enough to be thin as well as good looking. The cheek of it.

This. But I think there is a difference with boys and girls (unfortunately) where a boys personality will make him popular regardless of his looks whether for girls looks seem to count more..

My husband's ex and sister once put their heads together and decided to spread rumours that I was anorexic and bulimic once. The wildest part was that they used my SD's "evidence" that I was throwing up a lot, when they both knew I was pregnant at the time and suffering from morning sickness!

Definitely there are downsides to being seen as pretty, but, occasional mean girl rumours aside, I've not done badly out of it.

So because you haven’t experienced it it’s not true. Some men prefer the image a woman has, it’s a bit like not seeing the wood for the trees.

Ive known men to say they love fake boobs, lips, eyelashes, teeth the whole shebang etc they criticise/bully women who are pale with mousy or dark hair. some men just love the fake look and I blame porn and white van men types trying to score points from other white van men.

From the things said in that thread and the things said to me/about me IRL, it seems like even the most innocuous of things makes them think we're trying to spite them. Pulling sleeves over our hands if we're cold, daring to be cold and mention it! Because apparently we want to look "fragile". Such a twisted way of thinking, and you can't do right from wrong sometimes.

If I went to work in a pencil skirt and nice blouse, I'd get the eye rolls about me flaunting myself. I wear an oversized cardi to wrap up in and I'm trying to show off my femininity. And this from women. Shows a really twisted mindset.

I think there's a lot of internalised misogyny at play too.

Phyllis Chesler's book Woman's Inhumanity to Woman, talks about how our sex relate to one another in general, at work, in groups, and also specifically mother and daughter relationships, and how we relate to one another as friends. I'm currently reading it. It is well researched and well written, and although it might as though it's a bit negative, it really isn't, it's a very helpful positive book

Thank you! This sounds fascinating, I'll order it. I find how women behave with one another an interesting topic, and in lots of cases a bit depressing when really we should be banding together. Patriarchy at play, of course, which is a shame. The fact it comes from a positive perspective is exactly what I'd like to dig into!

Of course you are right. Everyone remember their popular ones is it?

children repeat what they see so….

True and usually they find nice husbands too who don't cheat on them because they aren't superficial.
Can never get over how all the most beautiful women in the world seem to get cheated on by partners. Makes me think it's the type of men that physically beauty attracts. Just my opinion and am open to being wrong.

Lucky woman who has that drooling after her 🤮🤢

Well said! 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

Precisely

I seem to remember on Child of Our Time them saying something about the better turned out kids being more popular, because even very young kids in Reception were more drawn to, for example, little girls with ribbons in their hair than ones with messy hair.

It doesn’t really, though. Pretty privilege is rooted on our biologically programmed preference to a fellow human who exhibits all the tell tales sign of good health like symmetrical features and good colouring, thick shiny hair, normal weight etc We are programmed to respond this way because once upon a time if a sick looking foreigner came to our tribe we would instinctively quarantine them and carry on surviving. We would also instinctively know to not mate with a sick looking tribesman and our offspring would have more chances of surviving. Therefore this behaviour has been advantageous to our survival as a species. It has nothing to do with conforming to social norms, you can see babies responding better to symmetrical faces, so yes pretty privilege starts from a very young age, from birth. But not for the reasons you think.

Not unreasonable! My DS nearly 2 is a blonde, blue eyed curly beautiful thing that captures all age, all gender attention. We rarely go anywhere without comments. I’m expecting a second a not sure what the next will look like and whether this ‘halo’ effect will apply to them!

Agree with this 💯

We’re all different, and for good reasons.

But there’s loads of attractive, socially awkward people out there. You don’t see them as leaders do you? As another pp said, charisma, more so than looks, is everything.

Yes & it's been proven that children who are traditionally better looking are favoured at school & generally treated better

Attractiveness is not the be-all and end-all but it absolutely carries a significant set of advantages and some disadvantages (and because of the patriarchy, both are amplified for women).

Attractive people are more likely to get promoted and, on average, earn significantly more than average or below-average looking people. They also get shorter prison sentences. Particularly grim is that good looking students get better grades (a perk that they lost during Covid, when classes were online, but had since resurfaced).

Should've clarified - it's good looking female students that get better grades, the same doesn't hold true for males.

I have never heard the expression pretty privilege before, but it definitely exists. I’ve had all sorts of (unmerited, if I’m honest) career successes that I can broadly attribute to the fact that I am relatively attractive. Always served quickly in bars, never felt “invisible”.

Also see it with female DC too. Some comments to or about her make me feel uncomfortable and I definitely try and shield them from it and emphasise that being a nice person is far more important than being pretty. But overall, certainly as an adult, I can see and have reaped the benefits.

I agree, I think it's very divisive.
There is also a time limit on such privilege which must come as a shock to the bearer later in life.