To think "pretty privilege" can start really early?

[donniedarko89]

"Pretty privilege" is the term used to describe the unfair advantages that people who conform to society's beauty standards receive.

AIBU to think that it can start as early as the first years of primary school? I am noticing these dynamics in DD's school, with "popular cliques" already forming in Year 1. Is this just in my head?

No, IME you’re right & absolutely & can lead to lifelong confidence or otherwise…

I don't have much patience for this I'm afraid. Popular 'cliques' are usually made up of more than just pretty people. They often have charisma etc and children, even young ones, are drawn to that type of person.

I also think getting wound up about beauty standards and using words like 'privilege' and 'unfair' to the point you apply it to young children is a fool's errand as it will get you nowhere. Good-looking, charismatic, funny etc people are always more likely to have the wind in their sails as they kake it through life. T'was ever thus.

Relax and live your life and don't worry so much about others.

Not true. I know many shy amazing looking females who are introverts and do not do gossips nor cliques

I think it starts early but I think it's more in the unconscious ways that adults treat children at this age than cliques among the children themselves. Little kids are pretty open to everyone IME. The cliques do come later of course.

You're right but there is also a "plain privilege" which I myself have benefited from. I am older now, but throughout my life I have found that there is something so great in being a woman who goes under the radar. I have been free to develop my mind (educated to PhD level) and pursue a career that I love.

Unfortunately, "pretty" doesn't usually last, and when it fades the women who benefitted from it can end up really lost (apologies to all the pretties out there).

It's not just In your head, it's very much a thing!

I HATE the term pretty privledge because with it comes jealousy and bias against people, people ganging up to show them ‘they’re not all that’, people feeling they can make comments, pat in the head etc. For every plus I’m sure there’s tons of minuses!!

I rather agree with this. I'm quite ordinary looking, as are most people TBH, but I have found friends and positive relationships through being kind, pleasant company

My friend's DD is very attractive but constantly fighting off perverts leering at her in pubs. Police have sometimes been involved. I don't envy her at all

Is it "privilege" to belong to the majority? Is it privilege to confirm to the standard - what would uncle upon a less enlighten time have been referred to "normal" or the majority.

If you in a minority or an "outlier" or not in the majority is it not you ?

I think it is a thing but at that age I don't necessarily think it's about looks, it's usually the confident, funny, charismatic kids who end up being in the "popular" group

I relate to this too. I know the data backs up pretty privilege but I've always enjoyed being quite anonymous and not feeling the pressure to worry about that side of things.

DS is not photogenic at all and whilst I think he's gorgeous I don't think that's noted by others. He is quirky, confident, funny, intelligent (noted by teachers and other parents) he has lots of friends and is always surrounded by others. I don't think it's just how someone looks, but society definitely favours extroverts

Actually I've been watching the "Educating...." series on YouTube recently (Yorkshire, Cardiff, The East End etc) and actually the popular groups of kids are not solely made up of "pretty" kids

Pretty pre schoolers are not necessarily pretty teens or adults. Beauty changes with age as does the level of privilege.

And as someone who was deemed "pretty" in my 20s it was a nightmare professionally. Never taken seriously with high levels of misogyny to the extent of having my a**e pinched regularly and told I didn't need to think (plus others which would be far too outing to put here). This was despite having a highly technical PhD and being very good at my job.

Is it really a "privilege" to be pretty? As someone who has been called that and other terms throughout my life, I don't know.

I've had to work harder to be taken seriously.
I've had men use me and have no interest in my brains or thoughts.
I've been brushed off by other women even, which is the most hurtful of all.

Had it since I was a kid, and this is no humble brag. I don't like it.

I see it already beginning with DD. She's only young, and it aggravates me. I don't talk about her beauty. I talk about her brains, her personality and strength.

I know there'll be people saying "oh ho, look at you able to say this!" but it's true. I've had to work so, so hard to earn the position I'm in and I've had bosses who've been absolutely disgusting, and colleagues. Boyfriends before DH? Sickening.

I really don't even look for it myself. I love people. In the position I'm in now, I'd hire a "plain" woman over a "beautiful" woman for a front facing job if her skills were on parr.

Beauty isn't a talent.

I have a popular kid and while he’s handsome in my eyes, his popularity is not because of his looks. People of all ages seem to really like him and he was a very easy child to raise. He’s not the sportiest or academic person in his class either but being popular with others is definitely his strength.

That just reads like pretty = stupid and ultimately unhappy. And ‘plain’ = intelligent.

No, even the teachers are guilty of favouring the classic blue eye blondes just as much as they do the neurotypical academics.

I don't think looks has anything to do with it.

But you are right that the cliques start young. Often around the most dominant children as they are not yet emotionally intellectually able to navigate this.

When they go onto secondary school it all changes though which often causes the originally dominant children to struggle.

I think perhaps you are starting to judge girls in year 1!

Confident friendly kids tend to attract other kids.

I don’t know, I was actually a very unattractive as a child but I had no idea (thanks to my nice mum ) but I found out because I overheard a boy in Primary school say I was the second ugliest girl in the class, I was shocked! I didn’t know, I was oblivious. And looking at photos I wasn’t an attractive child.

I thankfully was a much more attractive teenager but as a primary aged child I wasn’t attractive. But if you tell your child they’re attractive they’ll have no idea, they’ll just believe whatever you tell them as you’re the parent.

I’m not sure it’s a privilege to be seen as “pretty” as a young child. My friend had always been very traditionally cute and pretty, often positively remarked upon by adults, when she went through a slightly awkward phase in her teens the same adults were quite cruel in their comments about her “getting fat” or “what happened to the pretty little girl you used to be?”
She outgrow that phase and is a stunning adult woman but very insecure and places too much importance on looks as she thinks it’s how to get peoples approval and no one will like her if she doesn’t look flawless at all times.

They have charisma because they pick up on the social cues the world gives them from early on it’s called confidence.

A bullied or ignored person who’s always told they’re ugly and worthless is hardly going to feel confident and charismatic are they. Society is a mirror.

Yes, I had one gawky boy with buck teeth and hair that always stuck up, and one with gorgeous blonde curls and a twinkly smile.

The difference in the way their "mischief" was treated by the same teachers was astonishing, even in infant school.

My DC is very pretty (I'm not just biased). I have definitely noticed people giving in to DC's demands more than than other kids. I don't want DC to be entitled or spoilt someone I try to be aware of it. But DC is like a pro at getting their way, even from total strangers! Definitely think pretty privilege starts young.