To think "pretty privilege" can start really early?

[donniedarko89]

"Pretty privilege" is the term used to describe the unfair advantages that people who conform to society's beauty standards receive.

AIBU to think that it can start as early as the first years of primary school? I am noticing these dynamics in DD's school, with "popular cliques" already forming in Year 1. Is this just in my head?

@GiddyRobin

Yes as the sheer rage and nastiness when they get knocked back . Add to that cattiness from other women too .

Do you think? I've found that a lot of children who are consistent high achievers are also very pretty. Maybe because they are often from a well off background which means they are always well groomed and well fed, good dental care etc.

There are always the outliers (the classic "geeky" ones, who often turn out to be stunners when they get to the age they start paying attention to how they look) and the naturally beautiful kids who struggle academically, but I'd say in the average primary school classroom, the brightest kids are often the most physically attractive.

Sometimes feels a bit unfair.

Yep when I was younger any minor imperfection was picked up on by some catty women. A colleague told me I was just there for the eye candy. I highly doubt that as I am in a profession that requires degree and masters study and am good at my role.

This is also my exact experience growing up. The 'you don't look anything like your sister' and 'they are so different aren't they?' and the pretty one, clever one thing. I think that last one actually harmed my sister as well as she is convinced she is stupid against all the evidence. My own daughter is actually one of those blue eyed blondes (and is very pretty - looks more like my sister) but is only on the edge of the popular group as she is massively geeky/ one of the clever ones and not at all bothered about fashion etc. The popular group is I think more based on fashion, being sporty, having money than on looks (though all of them are pretty (as are others in her class) none of them are stunning or the most stunning in the class) . I do think my daughter does benefit from her looks in that she does not actually get picked on (unlike me) and the popular girls are friendly with her (which they are not with the other more geeky ones). I do think being pretty/ acceptable looking/ popular at primary school has a lifelong effect on your confidence and how you feel about yourself. Which leads to confidence, which leads to 'luck' etc etc

How offensive, you can be blond and not 'fake', I have Scandinavian heritage, family and over 80% of the country are blond!

And stereotypes are BS, you can be blond and a natural beauty.

What can we do to make sure we are all clones, with equal looks, intelligence, strength, confidence, health etc. to make sure this doesn't happen? The world is the world, it's unfair at its core, but the alternative is far far worse.

It's definitely a thing. I was in an accident as a toddler that damaged my face. People used to be quite funny with me. They'd assume I was grumpy and unhappy and I'd always hear, cheer up love it might never happen. I never got away with anything and several times I was blamed for things I hadn't done because I was the 'type'. I didn't really have a lot of close friends either.

Then when I was a teenager, I grew into my face and you couldn't see the scars really anymore. I'm blonde and quite petite. Oh, now everyone suddenly wants to be nice to me! I've never struggled to get a boyfriend, friends, or a job.

So yep, as an ugly duckling, I can assure you how you look affects how people treat you. People are definitely nicer to you if you're pretty.

That's not to say people can't be horrible to you for the same reason, however. It's also a burden.

Yes, there's a privilege which comes with being symmetrical, attractive, athletic and intelligent.

You aren't going to change that by complaining about it. It's built in.

I remember this from my own infant school. Most of us had short hair (70s) but one girl was blonde with long hair and pretty..She was popular. By junior school I realised she had quite an unkind personality. So it hadn't been her personality that made her popular

What an awful thing to say to you. It's just bloody depressing, isn't it? You can't win, even if you don't put in the "effort" the comments still come but then they change. I'm 30s now and it's still going on; thankfully I've developed a thicker skin, but it still smarts.

@Clippyklop
Oh the knock back is always the worst. Like you owe them something just because you happened to exist near them. I remember giving one man my number but we had nothing in common; all he could do was talk about how attractive I was. He was enraged when I turned him down, saying I'm a stuck up bitch who thinks I'm too good looking for him. Amusing as it was him doing the talking about looks.

The catty stuff is just so horrible. I remember one part time office job had me in tears daily as a younger woman, the men were letches and the women just hated me no matter how nice I was. The conversations I overheard were so spiteful.

@GiddyRobin

And god help you if you were slim too .

Oh that's basically a death sentence. Can't even eat a sandwich or turn down a cake you don't like without a comment. It's like having your whole life on display and a talking point.

Yes, did you see that thread about performative thinness recently? Apparently we only turn down cakes as part of a big show off routine.

I agree. I wouldn't have agreed years ago as I couldn't have believed people would be so shallow but after working for many years in primary schools and being a mother of three, I have seen enough to know it's definitely true.

I wouldn't know.
I have always been a very ugly woman. I would love to be even halfway attractive for just one day.

A few years ago a friend told me I had ‘pretty privilege’. If I do it certainly hasn’t got me very far!

I know my features aren’t ‘plain’ but I certainly don’t see them as beautiful and have never believed anyone who has told me I was. I’ve had men approach me in the street to ask for my number but I assumed it was a joke or a dare and it just made me feel more self conscious. I feel I look odd to the point of tears on occasions, and I’ve gone through phases of being afraid to leave the house or speak to people because of my freakish appearance. I could probably acquire a diagnosis of BDD if I could bring myself to admit my insecurities to an HCP, but I can’t.

I think confidence has a lot more to do with it. And I think perhaps the biggest privilege of all is a secure, loving childhood that can instil that confidence.

Was it a few weeks ago? That was so bloody vicious wasn't it? Doesn't matter if we don't even like sweets, we should be accepting cake silently so other people feel better. Apparently even saying "just a little piece" is having a go.

I'm sure you are not ugly . Very few people are . At least you can laugh and smile in a group of men without them thinking it's a come on . Men listen to what you have to say and take you seriously. Women are nicer to you . You're taken more seriously at work and people listen to your feedback . No one dismisses you as a stupid airhead with no personality or thinks you are a stuck up bitch that needs teaching a lesson and tries to take you down . There are downsides to being good looking too .

I never said all blondes are fake. I meant the ones a lot of men go for that aren’t attractive but make themselves look like a barbie/porn star for male attention.

The same men that call naturally pretty girls ugly if they don’t aspire to the fake done up look, but will happily date a facially less attractive bimbo type.

I genuinely do not know any men who only go for the Barbie/pornstar look and don't appreciate naturally pretty women. Who are these men? Most of the men I know say they prefer the natural look.

Are you being serious? Do you genuinely think that men listen to ugly women and take what they have to say seriously? That women are nice to them? That they're not dismissed as ugly/bitter/stupid/a joke?

These threads are always batshit and always devolve into posters insisting that ugly women could never possibly be sexually assaulted.

Yep really offensive actually. There was a lady obsessed with my build too. 5 foot 3 and 8 stone back then. Accusing me of not eating etc when i ate like a horse.
Another nasty colleague said I only got another husband when I was a single mum due to my looks ? As in no single mum would be wanted by anyone ? Bloody rude.

Oh I’m the crass one.

In your earlier post you said that we are hardwired to find symmetrical, healthy looking people attractive, that it means they’re not carrying obvious disease and are there for genetically healthy.

No it absolutely does not, all it means is someone isn’t carrying obvious infections on the surface. There is so much more going on underneath the surface that isn’t obvious to the naked eye. Why do you think people who meet the obvious Beauty standards have a hard time getting taken seriously by doctors/mental health professionals, or simply to garner sympathy by society in their own ill health or hardships, because they look the ‘picture of health and beauty/vitality’

As for genetically healthy how many of the more beautiful / healthy looking celebrities have been victim to cancer/degenerative diseases or simply succumbed to addiction or suicide due to mental illness.

Just so you know Beauty and symmetry don’t go hand in hand, it’s our modern day vanity obsessed society that confuses good looks with symmetry. Not all symmetrical faces are attractive and not all attractive faces have fortune of good health.

We live in a society built on stereotypes, were people think they can point out the drug addict or health status of a person, simply by a glance at their face.

Its so messed up but people keep perpetuating this myth at the detriment of others.