To think "pretty privilege" can start really early?

[donniedarko89]

"Pretty privilege" is the term used to describe the unfair advantages that people who conform to society's beauty standards receive.

AIBU to think that it can start as early as the first years of primary school? I am noticing these dynamics in DD's school, with "popular cliques" already forming in Year 1. Is this just in my head?

Oh god yes of course

I'll raise you (ahem) height privilege too

Most of this confidence will come from their home life and parents, not from strangers

Being attractive definitely makes a difference, anyone who says otherwise is being naive.

I think there's a lot to be said for being in the middle. Neither particularly pretty nor particularly plain. Being treated specially due to prettiness when you're a child is not an advantage in the long term imo.

I think it starts very young. I was an overweight child with bad teeth. I got terribly bullied. In my early teens I had my teeth fixed and lost weight. I was scouted for modelling and suddenly the school peers who bullied me wanted to be my friends. I had a lot of mean comments from adults before I ‘blossomed’ who then would shower me with compliments.

my dd is told she's beautiful nearly on a daily basis by strangers and other people who come across her and she's just been punched in the stomach by another girl in year 1 and really struggling to fit in, so i don't believe it's such a thing. She also has her struggles with neurodiversity overlooked because people just think she's lucky to be so beautiful. This is completely unbiased btw, I get told how beautiful she is all the time, but I think all children are beautiful in different ways.

I would agree with this.

Plus the attractive kids when young don't necessarily stay that way into adulthood.

It has more to do with strong personalities imo.

Being “popular” isn’t necessarily a good thing, in my experience the popular kids are the loud ones and the bullies because people don’t want to be on the wrong side of them.

Not sure tbh, the majority of dc who are cute, pretty in their child years outgrow it and are never as pretty as they age.

Also parents who are friends and organise play dates a lot helps create groups.

Someone once stopped me in a coffee shop to tell me how pretty my daughter was. I thanked them but pointed out that “she” was actually my son 🤣

He was pretty, he was the youngest and universally adored so he became very engaging. His pretty privilege kicked in very early, his childminder loved him, the girls at preschool wanted him to be their dolly (and he complied!). He’s never been in the popular clique at school tho’. He’s a bit of a nerd (and I mean that as a compliment) and not one to push boundaries but was always very popular with the teachers.

Oldest DC is this age and can't say I've noticed this at all. Besides most children look the same level of 'pretty' in my opinion tbh.

Is it really a "privilege" to be pretty? As someone who has been called that and other terms throughout my life, I don't know.

I think it is. Obviously everyone has different beauty ideals but I’m pretty in a generic catalogue model way & have found people are nice to me, including lots of women.

It sounds like you’re projecting your own lack of self esteem onto your 5 year old tbh. Does cliques mean what it means when people complain about it on MN, i.e. people who are female having relationships with each other?

I didn’t experience much of it in infant school but definitely did in later primary school, like years 4, 5, 6. Or maybe I was just blind to it happening 😂

Yes you're right, in terms of adults starting to treat them with kid gloves and vend to their whims. Noticeable. Not healthy.

One of my dc is objectively good looking but the dc who is popular is far more charismatic & funny.

I also agree with this too. I’ve definitely seen ‘pretty privilege’ when I was in secondary school, but a lot of the ‘popular girls’ were just really scary and mean so it was more people were terrified of them and therefore made them ‘popular’ 🙃

Vend? Bend. Dunno, maybe they vend - and procure - to them too.

The popular clique in my school were the all rounders, attractive, sporty and academic with a bit of money. I expect it’s still similar in most school cliques.

Oh god yes. I was not an attractive child and it wasn’t just the kids it was many adults as well. They assume kids don’t notice stuff like that but they do!

But babies themselves show a preference for more attractive faces.

Because we're hardwired to find symmetrical, healthy looking people attractive. It means they're not carrying obvious disease and are genetically healthy.

Yes, we can and should learn that everyone has value. But you can't ignore the hardwiring.

I kind of understand what you're getting at but I'm baffled by the suggestion that someone pretty isn't also free to develop their mind, do a PhD or have a career.

But there’s nothing stopping anyone with any types of looks ‘developing their minds’. I have a doctorate, as do many of my friends of both sexes, and the women range from ravishingly pretty to completely ordinary looking and all in between. One of my DPhil cohort had won a beauty pageant in her home country! (She’s now in her 50s and tenured at an Ivy League and still very good-looking.) I don’t think beauty prevents you doing anything.

My dd is really short and thin and both strangers and known people are always commenting on her height (or lack thereof). The kids in her class have been making comments about and pointing out how short she is since year 1. They also don't take her seriously and often run her over.

Complete strangers who sometimes start random conversations with us actually say in front of her 'oh she's really tiny, isn't she?' Once they come to know her age.

Maybe I'm imagining it but I'm also starting to wonder if kids tend to prefer white kids (in the uk). Not because they are racist but just because they are more used to seeing white faces. Non white kids seem to be left out more easily in a group setting