To think "pretty privilege" can start really early?

[donniedarko89]

"Pretty privilege" is the term used to describe the unfair advantages that people who conform to society's beauty standards receive.

AIBU to think that it can start as early as the first years of primary school? I am noticing these dynamics in DD's school, with "popular cliques" already forming in Year 1. Is this just in my head?

And true beauty dims but it doesn’t go away. Someone is who is actually beautiful or handsome tends to remain so in old age.

I agree, OP. All the mums, aunties, mums' friends, and dads of "my gorgeous blonde princess" who can't help themselves but ooh and aah over little girls do start creating girls/women with such internalised superior beauty complex and perpetuate pretty privilege. I'm sure most don't realise they're doing it though, it's a cycle.

I find this irritating as a concept tbh. It just feels like misogyny in ‘pretty children’. It’s not being ‘pretty’ it’s often confidence, charisma and looking very healthy/stylish. Not actually because they’re pretty.

I think there is a spectrum really and they vary at different points. My two have very different heights and frames. The little one is small and cute and I suspect gets away with a lot in school and childcare because of it (teachers think she’s an angel etc). My other one is very tall and is jealous of the small one but in later life I’m sure that will be reversed and the advantages of being tall will become more apparent.

I think it's rubbish because most young women can conform to such a degree (if they want) that they'll be "pretty" - by that I mean, averagely attractive. Take a look in any town centre on a Sat night- swimming with ordinary nubile lovely young women dolled up to the nines. You don't have to be anything special to achieve this. It's age that's the defining factor. I'm no beauty, 6/10 on a good day. Men couldn't contain themselves around me as a young woman. It's an age, not a beauty thing.

Both my sisters are far better-looking than I am, but neither had a particularly easy ride through school. Both invested hugely in friendships as adults and are happy and professionally successful in middle age.

Yeah, I was gonna say to the pp saying "I'm lost now that I'm older and I've lost my looks" you can still be very attractive in old age.

My mum is in her 60s, has always been beautiful, and even now men follow her around and approach her in public.

I went to a wedding recently and a man in his 50s got drunk and told me he loved my mum! It was bizarre.

But basically, I don't believe that women stop being attractive when they age. Aging doesn't make you unattractive imo - maybe the pp are too harsh on themselves

Yeah I find this odd, I’m asian though so for me maybe beauty is a bit different. Theres a narrower band of hair colour for one thing so you end up noticing facial features more than colouring. One of the most beautiful children I know is black. Not many people pay attention to her but she’s bloody gorgeous.

I don’t know. My DD (16) is beautiful. Said by everyone, not me being biased. She’s also academically brilliant, but very shy. She’s never had beauty bias, i don’t know whether the shyness changes it, but its definitely not something she’s ever had.

I think it goes both ways. My niece is beautiful (objectively) with long golden hair. She is being bullied by 3 girls (all aged 8) who all seem particularly jealous of her hair and try to make her miserable in any way they can.

I genuinely think all children are beautiful. I've never seen a child I didn't think was beautiful. It has literally NOTHING to do with 'big blue eyes/blonde hair.'

If pushed, I probably have a soft spot for dark-haired kids who look like well-loved/fed glowing little Italian cherubs, as that's who I grew up with!

Same with one of my 15 year olds. Really smart and shy. She's got really good and close friends but definitely isn't hugely popular or given a lot of special treatment for being pretty.

IME pretty girls are often bullied because other girls are jealous. This was definitely the case in my school, and I'm now seeing it in DDs school. Not all pretty people are outgoing, and when they're not, they get thought of as arrogant and up themselves.

@User37482 yeah to me it’s all about the actual face.

At primary I don’t think that looks play such a big part. In my experience the ‘popular’ kids and the ‘leaders’ are not particularly the ‘pretty’ ones.
It’s very much more about strength of personality.
Also skills- being good at sport, dance, art etc.. things the younger one look up to.
I would expect it changes a bit as they get older.

I really pity women who are plain

What?

lol

@Dolorie I think a lot of dc are cute & generally it’s youth that makes them so eg plump cheeks, pouty lips etc but there are definitely dc that have features that you think that won’t age well or some dc who have to grow into their features.

They miss out on so much

I’ve had so much fun as I’m so beautiful

I feel conflicted about this subject.

I am very well read, and an educated woman that also happens to be considered beautiful in the conventional sense. It has opened so many doors and opportunities I have to admit. The constant positive reaction increased my confidence and I was able to relax and be exuberant.
It was a magnetic cycle.

Now I am much older nothing has changed - I’m 50 plus and have meaningful friendships and a more mature outlook. Looks won’t stave off the realities of death, poor health and misfortune. That happens to everyone and does not discriminate!

On reflection being gracious, intelligent, informed and considered are far greater qualities. The quiet confidence that true ability produces has long term benefits. Elegance is far more powerful than conventional beauty.

And I'm Cleopatra. Good how the internet works, innit?

I saw a video with a singer saying how she wished she wasn't as beautiful. Because it meant that a large proportion of her compliments were about her looks. And her career is singing and she wanted people to focus on that and it just felt like people weren't taking her and her capabilities seriously. I found that quite interesting

@MsCactus I did a bit of modelling when I was younger (was crap and mainly catalogues) and then went into other parts of the fashion world eg mags, buying so I have a lot of very attractive, striking, well dressed friends/acquaintances. I went to one of their weddings not too long ago and the women who grabbed my attention was overweight and in her 60s. She had a stunning face with an incredible bone structure. I said to the bride later “who is that, she’s amazing looking”. She rolled her eyes and said “she’s my aunt and people always notice her and go on about her”.