Do all men cheat?

[yungnluv]

I found out my boyfriend of 6 years cheated on me a year ago and I genuinely mean this wholeheartedly it's the last thing in the world I thought he'd ever do to me. He was mad about me, adored the ground I walked on, showed he loved me everyday, he talked about marrying me every single day and starting a family. Talked about growing grey and old together. He would cry because he loved me so much. Would regularly bring me flowers , plan date nights and he genuinely made me feel like the most loved girl in the world the whole 6 years.

When I found out, shocked wasn't even the word.

And I'm sure there's women out there now who would say "my husband would never ever do that to me" and this is scary because I said the exact same thing.

It's an awful question but do most men cheat? Why do they cheat? Have you been cheated on before?

Disgusting. Ruins life's and family's. 💔

Sadly, this

I believe most men cheat. Very few of my friend's husbands/partners have not.

Not all men cheat, the same as not all women cheat. However, I think given the right circumstances and opportunity most people would. The particular circumstances and opportunity would be different for different people but I don't believe anyone is immune to the possibility.

I think everyone has the capacity to cheat. I don't think everyone has cheated, but I don't think there's anyone who definitely wouldn't under any circumstances.

I don't just mean opportunity, most good people could resit that, but opportunity coming at a time when you're feeling vulnerable or unloved, maybe stressed, and come across someone who gets it in a way the partner at home doesn't or is too busy with their own worries. Add some money worries and a need to escape for a bit and pretend life is different, a feeling that you can't just leave because people would be devastated, then a boozy night out coincides with a row....

I would say not all men cheat but after seeing the trial about Gisèle Pelicot's husband (who she claimed was the perfect husband, as did the other wives about their husbands who raped Gisele when drugged) I am keeping an open mind about what they are capable of.

Most husbands I know have cheated at some point. Some have zero intention of been faithful, others are more discrete.

No, of course not. A (probably small) number will, but so will a (probably small) number of women. Men and women are no different - they are just people, with all the varied behaviours you would expect. Please don't just automatically scapegoat 50% of the population (and I say this as a female).

Don't know the proportion of men who have or would cheat because I haven't done the research. But I'm more sure that all people who actually make "all men do X" or "all women do Y" sweeping statements are pretty stupid.

How long have you gone without cheating?

Clearly it is realistic because there are many very long marriages where both partners have stayed faithful.

Of course they don't all cheat. I'm afraid your mistake was believing that all that massively OTT, obsessed with you, lovey-dovey stuff was a green flag. It was a red flag. That's not how genuinely good partners (or normal, balanced human beings) behave.

This.

They absolutely don’t all cheat but there’s absolutely no way to know who will and won’t.

And anyone who tells you they know their Nigel would never cheat is crossing their fingers. They don’t know. No one knows.

All you can do is trust until you have a reason not to but not hang around for explanations or apologies if that trust is broken.

Monogamy in an evolutionary term is quite different to what we expect from our meaning of til death do s part.

Evolutionary wise are are a largely monogamous species but also in that term we need to feel we get something from the other partner in terms of partnership. Mostly monogamous species operate in this way. If you are lazy or crap you are sent off and someone new is found.

A lot of cheaters cheat because they have opportunity but also because something is missing in the relationships we have. That's not to say that occasionally a partner in a happy relationship doesn't cheat but it is less prevalent when the partnership is fulfilling on both sides. Relationship and cheating research bears this out.

Our version of monogamy is get married and stay faithful whatever happens or however unhappy we are. That is where monogamy is unrealistic

If monogamy on evolutionary terms were not natural, we wouldn't have a need to guard partners which both sexes in humans do. That's the natural bit requiring partnerships to work for both partners.

No they don’t.

But to be honest I don’t think your husbands behaviour you described sounds like he was the least likely person to ever cheat. It actually sounds like love bombing.

its too intense, sounds insincere and could have been a manipulative way of making you never suspect him or making himself feel better after he had cheated.

Never been married but I have been in several long term cohabiting stable relationships and long term but not living together, and in 9 out of 10 of those relationships I found out the man cheated on me, even when we were enjoying a varied and frequent sex life.

I think it's partly the nature of being male. Their social conditioning ought to keep it in check but it does not seem to.

You know in Victorian times and earlier men wrote it into the marriage laws that any amount of adultery by a man was NOT grounds of divorce for a woman but vice versa just one quickie with another man and that WAS grounds for her hubby to get a divorce.

Your partner's behaviour was very odd, he was over compensating drastically. If someone was crying because they loved me so much I'd immediately get suspicious to be honest. I think a large proportion of men would cheat if they get the opportunity but by no means all.

Exactly this

Men and women ARE different. There are very different behaviour patterns and motivations between the two sexes. Men chase sex more than women and take up opportunities more readily. Women have more opportunities but reject opportunities more frequently. Not all men or all women obviously, but in sufficient numbers for it to be a pattern. How this impacts the likelihood of cheating I don't know, but I do know that pretending both sexes are just people who behave in exactly the same way doesn't help our understanding of it.

No one can ever say never.
I knew my first DH would never cheat on me, would hear of it happening to other people and think to myself “that would never happen to us!” Etc. but then he had his head turned by the woman at work. A tale as old as time.

I trust my now DH, but I won’t ever think “he’ll never do that” again.