To tie my child to the table

[grrihateteatime]

I mean obviously I won’t but it’s so frustrating. Charging around between mouthfuls and running back and forth for toys.

I know - I probably should say ‘right, you’ve finished then’ the first time he does it but he’d literally live off fresh air then which then affects sleep and behaviour …

grr

You do realise you’re the parent right?

Don't sweat the small stuff. They're only young once and it will all be behind you in the blink of an eye. Unless we're talking about a 10 year old then live and let live I say.

How old?
Mine still fitted in her highchair until she was about 5.

Try one of the fitness elastic bands stretched across the front two chair legs so they can bounce their feet up and down on it while eating.

What’s your home set up? Can you do meals at a table away from toys and shut kitchen door. How old is he? Would a toddler booster seat or one of those wooden chairs for older kids he’s strapped into help.
I’d do a reminder 5 mins to meal. Get him to come to table and sit and eat together and talk with him. If he gets up guide him back to table. It’s time to eat now.

Agree. Act like a baby, get treated like one and back into the high chair until mature enough to sit nicely.

Thanks 🙄

I do obviously realise that, but short of literally tying him down I can’t force him to sit still. He doesn’t care about food so it isn’t any sort of threat to say no dinner then … all that happens is he gets hungry but doesn’t really recognise it well so gets wired and manic instead. Same with drinks actually - you have to tell him to drink or he just doesn’t or nowhere near enough.

@Changingusernameasalways yes he’s 3 … nearly 4 though

He wouldn’t give a shit but more to the point he can get out of a high chair easily - I’m surprised most children wouldn’t be able to but he’s always had Houdini tendencies.

Then you repeatedly put him back in his chair don't you? Tying him to it is a bit extreme but there are options to distract very active kids during meal times. Table mats you colour in, silly joke time, favourite songs and so on.

The alternative is you leave his plate of food on the table and that's all there is an hour later.

Are you quite sure he's not snacking too much? My kids are much older but even now the level of dicking around, bickering and generally making you want to send them to bed without dinner is very obviously linked to an absence of hunger at dinner time.

Give him a visual timer for 10 min, a wobble cushion on his chair or feet so he can wiggle and rapid return, no talking, if he gets up during that time. Loads of praise when the timer goes. Increase the time as he's able to do it. Don't make it a battle. Calm consistency. Be aware he may have some sensory stuff going on that makes it physically uncomfortable to sit still for that long at his age, kids develop differently and yours sounds like there may be some proprioceptive development going on.

My MIL really did tie my DH to the table! He was the eldest of 3 and in order to keep him clean and out of mischief while she got the younger siblings ready to go out he was tied to the table and given a book to look at.

then you repeatedly put him back in his chair don’t you

It turns it into a game which I’m obviously reluctant to do.

He doesn’t snack at all. He just isn’t fussed or bothered by food. And in fairness he is exceptionally wired today for all sorts of reasons.

I’m tempted!

I have tied my daughter to the table before. Sometimes you just get fed up. She thought it was funny!

What's wrong with tying him to the chair?

I'm not joking here.

One of my cousins had to be restrained in his chair to eat. My aunt and uncle used a couple of tea towels sewn together. This after my cousin almost choked to death while running with food in his mouth. Nothing else worked, and he would just not eat if they took the plate away, then wake at 2 or 3 in the morning crying from hunger.

If you can’t say anything helpful or kind don’t say anything at all.

Don't you use a clip on harness? Mine all had traditional reins with detachable harness and were firmly clipped into high chair, shopping trolley seat, pushchair. Otherwise they could easily undo straps and get out.

Maybe get something like this.

Nothing really if it's not routine I think.
It's tricky though - the chair has to be bloody stable.
You need to stay with the child and engage so its not about being forced.
If it turns into a battle ground you lose anyway. [memories of kid sister sitting at the table for hours because she had to stay there until she ate whatever food she loathed.... and still didn't]

I think actually physically tying a child down would be a bit uncomfortable to be honest. I don’t mean physically but I don’t know how cricket that is.

He would break through that contraption and besides it isn’t the answer - he’s nearly school age. Just have to keep on reminding about sitting at the table. Wearisome though.

Would he prefer his own little table and chair to sit at maybe?

Longterm work on getting him to recognise hunger feelings (and thirst by the sounds of it) short term can you agree he can bring a toy to the table and then every 3 bites he can run a lap of the living room and choose another toy (set a timer if he's likely to take the piss and make it a game he has to be back at the table with the toy before the timer runs out)
No I'm not one of those gentle/permissive parents lol I have two SEN kids who have had a lot of food issues and the bigger stress you have about it the worse it gets. He's still young, doesn't recognise hunger and sounds very energetic in general so honestly pick your battles and if it means letting him play at the table/making it a game with movement breaks between mouthfuls then go for it. Sure meals out won't be happening until he's older but so what, once he recognises hunger you'll have half the battle won and can switch things up then and teach him about sitting at the table.
Is he in any childcare/nursery? How does he get on there? You'll often find watching their peers sit and eat can help too as they are at an age where their peers can teach them things their parents have been trying in vain too!
Please take the pressure off yourself, just because you allow him to be a wee messer now whilst he's still learning to recognise hunger doesn't mean he will be on a date at 18 running laps of the restaurant, it's short term and can be switched up as he grows and his communication/understanding develops

Is he filling up on drinks eg milk maybe look at that.
Do you sit and eat with him. I remember a tv show where mum complained child wouldn’t sit and eat they filmed mom flitting around kitchen taking bites here and there - child was doing what she saw modelled.
Encourage him to help. Set table, pour water, pass things to other family members.
If you can move toys away from table/eat away from distractions.
Just keep reinforcing it’s eating time and he needs to sit.

He’s had one for years @Needmorelego - I bought one over two years ago but he isn’t bothered by it.

He definitely isn’t filling up on drinks. Today he’s actually eaten well but I’ve been constantly on at him. All he had for breakfast was a bit of watermelon but he did have a banana an hour or so later. Lunch was fish cake, new potatoes and peas and dinner was a homemade chicken casserole, no snacks apart from the banana. He did have an apple after lunch. But for every single one it’s been a reminder to eat. The complete opposite of many children - not sure what it is with him, just not massively motivated by food (unless it is smarties?)

He sits fine at nursery and to be fair he isn’t normally this bonkers. I just hate not having any real fallback as a parent!

Is he even hungry when you're trying to feed him? Sounds like he's getting hungry later. Or he's already too tired to recognise he's hungry, in which case a snacky tea and a bigger lunch or breakfast might work better.