To tie my child to the table

[grrihateteatime]

I mean obviously I won’t but it’s so frustrating. Charging around between mouthfuls and running back and forth for toys.

I know - I probably should say ‘right, you’ve finished then’ the first time he does it but he’d literally live off fresh air then which then affects sleep and behaviour …

grr

You mentioned today you’ve been constantly on at him and reminding him to eat, and that he sits better at nursery.

I’m going to take a leap here but I think there’s some sort of “aversion” in a way to your dining table / chair and eating at home.

As he is still young I’d change the set up. Get him a toddler table and chair set and put his food on there. He can sit and eat or he can get up and pick at the food. Don’t push it, don’t tell him “here eat this, look your foods here, why aren’t you hungry”

He will eventually learn that mummy is backing off a bit, that he doesn’t have to sit at the table and eat a full meal if he doesn’t want to. And in turn it will sort the adverse reaction to dining experiences at home out.

Be warned he might eat less during the day for a couple weeks. maybe 30 mins before bed if he doesn’t eat much offer him porridge / cereal / banana / milk etc so he’s got something in his belly before dinner

Because we know better now 🤦‍♀️

Do NOT do this, it's unbelievably dangerous. He will smash his face into the floor.

We’ve got a kitchen table, a toddler table and a dining room table. I don’t think he’s got an aversion, he’s just bonkers and doesn’t want to sit still!

Has he cottoned on to how much it winds you up? Try not to let him see it. At that age they are very alert to whatever gets a reaction out of you!

Make sure he is definitely hungry at mealtimes, and that the food is at least reasonably attractive to him. You can tackle getting him to eat a wider range of foods or whatever once you've got the basic behaviour sorted.

If food doesn't motivate him, what does? Sticker chart for sitting nicely at the table rather than getting up and down with a reward of a little toy or whatever for a full week of stickers?

Do you sit and eat with him? Even if it's just a snack and you have dinner later. That might really help. Then you can chat to him and keep him interested and occupied too.

I’m yet to find something which motivates him. I will keep trying! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Why does he need to be sat at a table to eat ?

He sits fine at nursery

Nursery teacher for 25 years here. There you go. He can do it. So this is up to you to parent, it really is.

And the elastic band mentioned is both annoying and can be dangerous. But it can help in severe cases, if you sit right next to them.

Try drawing talk. I was sceptical but it has actually worked well in many cases. And a time timer, we have the clock on the wall but there are apps. Do you eat at the same time and eat the same food as him? This is important, but doesn’t seem to be common in the UK.

Well you do, you stop him going off to play when it’s dinner time! I appreciate you don’t want to fight him but the rule is ‘no toys till dinner is all finished’ and you stop him running off. If he doesn’t eat then he doesn’t eat, is he normal weight for his height and age?

My eldest could get out of anywhere by 1. Wouldn't have thought of still trying to put him in a highchair after that.

Do rewards work atall? Start small - if he stays sitting down for 5 min = reward and then extend it.

Posted too soon

If you think it’s a sensory thing, he’s wired and can’t sit down, perhaps some active play before dinner and look at a wobble cushion for him to sit on? I’m not saying he’s ND but my nephew is and it helps him a lot!

@gladflyingducks - if - IF - you have been a nursery teacher for twenty five years, you surely know it isn’t uncommon for kids to be shits at home and angels at nursery? It’s his safe space so he acts like a dick, not to put too fine a point on it!

He isn’t normally as bad as tonight, but meals do take a long long time.

Those are quite good.

Are you really a nursery teacher if you don't realise that some children use all their energy following the rules at nursery and have no capacity to carry on doing that in the evening?

And eating at the same time and same food is very common in the UK.

I just kept physically putting him back into his chair. Nice and calm but every single time. He screamed the house down, it took 20 minutes , I'm surprised I didn't give up. That was it, never needed again.

Of course I do. Or I would not have posted. But, the key is that he CAN do it. For example many ND kids CAN’T do it. They just can’t, they are always doing their best but just can’t.

Ds would find that most amusing, sadly I would not agree.

He is fine out and about. Just seems to be home and specifically dinner time that sends him a tad manic. Time of day I think plus an unexpectedly late night last night. Bedtime now 🍷

Don't use the food as a consequence if he's not bothered - use the toys!! No toys after dinner if you won't sit nicely

My DS could easily open a harness from aged one.

Seriously?

Really? The metal and webbing ones that fasten at the back? Wow. That is impressive.

You clearly have little experience. Lots of ND kids can do things at school they can't do at home. It's called masking.

It was an utter nightmare!

I also know that kids act like this because there aren’t boundaries. If there’s no consequence for running off from the table he will do it. If there is one he will learn to stay at the table.

i say this as the parent of an autistic and ADHD step son who sits at the table perfectly at ours but bounds around at school because he knows there’s no consequence there. At 3 he tried running around because his mom let him, but we were firm about him staying at the table and although he now still moves around (rocking, kicking feet etc. As a sensory stimulation) he doesn’t run around the room.

try a wobble cushion if it’s a sensory output thing. But fundamentally yes you do have to be firm about this. It’s not because it’s a ‘safe space’ it’s because you don’t have boundaries and he knows it.