To tie my child to the table

[grrihateteatime]

I mean obviously I won’t but it’s so frustrating. Charging around between mouthfuls and running back and forth for toys.

I know - I probably should say ‘right, you’ve finished then’ the first time he does it but he’d literally live off fresh air then which then affects sleep and behaviour …

grr

My mother regularly says this to me. Of course what’s really relevant is if the child also realises it and cares at that precise moment.

I feel for you OP. This has always been a tricky age for us with meal times. For all three (youngest just 3 so still an available “tool”) we have ended up sticking the high chair seat back on the Stokke chair so we could strap them in then taking it away again when they’d agreed to back it in. So yes, literally strapping them to chair! Appreciate this may not work with a stand alone high chair, if they are big enough to tip it over.

Otherwise I’m often assured that most people grow into civilised human beings, so hang on until then. I know I am.

They need the right help at home too. There are things you can try, it might not work because home is home and a safe place, but obviously you need to keep trying.

That was to @gladflyingducks

How did he get to the fastener at the back? I thought mine were escape artists. They could undo buggy straps and car seat buckles easily, but they clip at the front. Even I had difficulty with the metal clips on the reins harness! But yours does sound challenging!

Could you build in a positive after dinner? Mine watch an episode of Bluey after supper IF they've behaved reasonably at the table. They don't have to eat everything, but they do have to sit at the table with us and not do anything too heinous (like licking the plate instead of using cutlery!)

I hope you don't try and give advice to any of the parents at your nursery because your advice is terrible.

For those suggesting it - he’s too old IMO to be restrained and I imagine would turn his attention to trying to break free rather than decide he’s going to sit and eat nicely.

I wouldn’t allow him to run around though, I always tell mine to sit down when they’re eating, whatever it is. I would take his toys and remind him he can have them when he’s finished. Can you eat somewhere where the toys aren’t in his view to help eliminate distractions?

But most ND children do sit at a table to eat. If they can’t attain that much they won’t be likely to be masking that trait at school as there ND needs are so extreme they prevent them from being able to meet very basic expectations. I am sure the OP would know if her son had that level of neurodiversity.

I think it was due to his hypermobility.

Yeah, if there really isn't a suitable reward you can think of that would motivate him then mild sanctions might work instead. If he gets up to run off and play with a toy then you can bring him back to the table and warn him that if he does that again the toy will go away in the cupboard until after breakfast tomorrow. Give him lots of positive attention when he's sitting at the table with you. You want to make sitting nicely at the table an attractive place to be, and make sure that the entertainment value of getting up and running off just isn't worth the consequences.

He sits fine at nursery and to be fair he isn’t normally this bonkers. I just hate not having any real fallback as a parent!

He'll get there. If you model good eating, if he does it at nursery, it'll come good.

Tyr bringing something to the table that he is interested in, you could read to him or something.

I'm not sure what you are saying here but it doesn't make much sense to me. I was talking about a child being able to do something at school/nursery that they can't do at home. What do you mean 'that level' of neurodiversity? It doesn't work in levels.

My DS was the same. He grew out of it. He's 7 now and happily sits through a meal, at home, at school or in a restaurant. No drama, just grew out of it. It did mean we couldn't really eat out for a good while though which was a bit shit.

It’s a bit depressing when people go on about boundaries. The problem with situations like the one I’ve described is frankly I have little leverage and all I really have at my disposal is reminders to sit at the table. I can’t tie him up (!) and as I’ve said, repeatedly returning him to the table would result in peals of laughter: it feeds the behaviour with attention.

DS (and his sisters) have both always been able to get out of high chair seats, pushchairs and so on. They don’t like being restrained I guess. Will be very glad when my buggy and high chair days are over!

like you OP, I’d feel tying him to the chair was very wrong.

if the issue is that mealtime isn’t as fun as playing- why not make mealtime feel like play, then gradually withdraw the fun stuff, until it’s just “normal”.

Example- what about serving dinner picnic style on a tablecloth on the floor (wouldn’t work for all meals, but perhaps some). How about his favorite teddy joins him for dinner- with a seat at the table, plate etc- and DS has to set the example because teddy doesn’t know how to behave?

Slightly left of field.

Your description of what he ate included a hot lunch as well as a hot dinner. If he eats a reasonable lunch, then you could try not giving him any dinner.

Say "it's dinner time now but I don't think you need any do you" and just eat yours. I assume for a couple of evenings he won't care, but maybe - especially if you are having something he really likes he may decide he wants dinner. THEN you can say only if he stays at the table and take it from there.

DS is fine in restaurants and cafes - I think he just goes a bit manic at home.

I have learned to avoid restaurants with soft play though as he won’t come out of it to eat!

Behaviour does get notably worse when he’s hungry though @Createausername1970 so I don’t want to perpetuate the situation!

Would out of sight out of mind work? Pack all the toys away so he can't see them? Let him have one at the table?

Are you saying that my advice to try a wobble cushion, drawing talk, time timer, eating together with the child and not use a rubber band unless you sit right next to them because they can be dangerous, are terrible advice? Have you tried all these things and know they will never work?

Doubt it - I don’t have anywhere to put them all. It’s an open plan lounge / dining area then a playroom at the bottom. The toys are in boxes but accessible and he knows it. And it’s not always toys. He was literally running laps today - WTF

A fidget to sometimes works well for some. (close your eyes @AttendanceNightmares)

With the straps of reins round him?

None of mine could get out when they had a proper harness on.

Why is the first comment on a post on MN always a shit, boring, troll one? Quite often the first post is deleted by MNHQ. If it doesn’t meet the threshold for deletion, it is usually still rude, dull and predictable. It is always someone who clearly thinks they are witty and acerbic but often they are just sad and pathetic. Do sad people scour the “new posts” section just so they can be the first one to comment so we can all delight in their witty take on life?

Your advice to push a ND child who has been masking all day is a recipe for a mega meltdown and bad mental health. Really dangerous advice.