To tie my child to the table

[grrihateteatime]

I mean obviously I won’t but it’s so frustrating. Charging around between mouthfuls and running back and forth for toys.

I know - I probably should say ‘right, you’ve finished then’ the first time he does it but he’d literally live off fresh air then which then affects sleep and behaviour …

grr

This is exactly what DD, DS and I did when I was there age.

None of us have any particular interest in food either

We have all been diagnosed with ADHD.

Even an oak table is not safe

Don’t even bother trying to control his behaviour, Think of it as telling someone off for blinking.

Don’t stress too much. Eat your own meal and ignore the running around

DS and DD would do a lap of the garden between mouthfuls

Both excellently behaved in restaurants and cafes

@grrihateteatime We have the same child! Can empathise with you. Sorry you’ve not had much understanding on this thread.

My 3, almost 4 year old is just not that interested in food and meal times take forever. We have lots of ups and downs too, lots of ‘I wonder if you can get back to your seat before I can count to random number’, that seems to do the trick to get him back to the table, but then we have to play games (like can you guess what animal I am? What can you think of that’s spotty? Etc) to keep his attention long enough to get food in him. We sometimes still resort to spoon feeding him. Somebody in a toddler class said she had the same problem and she used magnetiles to capture her daughter at the table long enough, but it’s not something I’ve tried.

YABU. It is normal for a 3 year old to not have the concentration to sit through a meal. Especially if they can see their toys etc. it’s annoying but normal.

We have two rules. Food stays at the table and no playing during dinner. So anytime she picked up a toy I’d say she can have it after dinner is finished. And that doesn’t just mean her. If she decides she is finished with her food I would say fine, put it aside and if hungry later then that’s all that’s offered and it can only be heated up once (obviously but I explain that to her).

Just adjust your expectations and accept that it’s a phase, like nearly everything parenting wise.

Seriously irritating though.

Also keep the dialogue going and be relaxed about everything

You never know he might stop for a few minutes if you find a topic he is interested in

Also, when I’ve finished my meal, I sometimes offer her to eat on my lap, which she usually takes up.

Kids of 3 and 4 often need less than you'd think to eat and drink.

Go back to basics to help him learn to recognise hunger and that eating helps.

1. No snacks. Seriously. If he's not hungry for meals he doesn't need them.
2. Smaller portions. Have a very small amount on the plate and let him ask for more if he wants it.
3. Fixed meal time. 20 mins at the table no toys etc, after which he can get down even if he's not eaten much.

If he asks for snacks an hour later - serve up the dinner again. Rinse & repeat

My son (2.5) is like this.

I switch between 1) berating myself and trying every which way to encourage him to eat at the table and 2) giving in and choosing the path of least resistance.

Looking at it objectively, I think he sees eating as just another activity that either he's interested in or not in the moment. He doesn't really understand the concept of mealtimes and although we base our meals around the traditional breakfast/lunch/dinner I think he sees it as optional, much in the same way that playing with cars or reading books is an option.

Hopefully in time it'll get better, but in the meantime I know that getting stressed out about it doesn't work.

Do you eat meals with him? I'm not saying it's a cure all but if you are all sat down together and there isn't anything going on elsewhere it would cut the distractions.
Also, where do you eat? Can you eg eat in the kitchen, remove the toys and shut (kiddy lock of necessary) the door so he can't bugger off?
Tieing him down does feel a bit wrong, but confining him to a space with less to distract himself with seems reasonable.
Or are there any small special toys you could offer that he ONLY gets at the table? Something like small cars to push around between mouthfuls, but he has to stay at the table or you take them away.
Plenty of adults play on their phones or read at the table, nice as it would be, sitting and focused solely on the food isn't the be all and end all, not sodding off to do acrobatics is probably a good goal though 😆

30 minutes is a ridiculously long time for a small child to sit at a table

Being ND doesn’t mean you can sit at a table at nursery so you can sit at one at home

It means that you can sit at a table when you absolutely have to or want to (up to a point) but will end up under extreme stress if you don’t want to
When you get home the last thing you want to do is do something that you don’t feel like doing

I couldn’t do 30 minutes sat still as an adult

Creating a battleground around food isn’t going to end in a child seated and happily eating dinner.

That statement applies to anyone (child or adult, ND or not)

@Deadbeatex this post.

There was a reason the rich had nurseries where nannies struggled with children away from the adults eating peacefully.
Not evry child does want to sit and eat they have too much going on.

You have to reframe the entire thing and come at it from a totally different pov which means he may eat distracted by TV, games or on the go. Or driving some where or in his buggy.

Or picnic, lots of little tapas style things eating on floor

My child who was constantly on the go and had absolutely no hunger or thirst signals turned out to have ADHD.

You may find when he starts school that someone suggests having him tested, which could be helpful.

We let him watch TV. It keeps him sat and he eats really well for ages!

I disagree that this is a phase, and you can expect it to blow over. Parents need to intervene firmly and consistently and train children to sit while eating.

Children of 3 can absolutely be expected to sit and eat a small bowl or plate of food without getting up and galloping around between mouthfuls.

It's the same sort of wildness that parents see in children who bolt away when out and about, run out into the road, etc. It's equally a health and safety issue. It is very dangerous to allow children to run around while eating, and it is possible to use reins / a harness to keep a child safe both outdoors and while sitting at the table.

If you don't tackle it, they will not learn that this is not how meals are conducted (or not to run off while outdoors), and your life will be far more stressful in the long run than it needs to be.

lol mine never sat sit, and especially not for food.

Meals out at that age were tough work and we had to go where there was accessible outdoor space

A child's ikea table with two low chairs helped, but sure why.

He still sits perched on his chair at almost 12 if he can get away with it.

Number two was completely different

This is a great book that totally reframed it all for me

My child won't eat by Carlos Gonzalez

amzn.eu/d/1vYpoHd

My lil guy also had ants in the pants when it came to meals. I let him eat standing in his kitchen helper or roam around after a few bites and come back eat, roam, eat, etc. He’s almost 6 now and no issues with sitting. It’s one of those things that sorts itself out with time

@mathanxiety oh please! Some 3-4 yr olds do and some don’t. As they grow and observe more and their attention span increases they get it. I’m not saying let them run wild with food in their mouth l but breaks between every few bites to move around isn’t unusual for this age.

Not sure why you've taken such a dislike in @gladflyingducks 's advice. I do think the suggestions are good.
My 3yo is also uninterested by food so keeping him at the table is a challenge. And although his behaviour isn't as wild as yours at home, he is much worst when we eat out.
Eating dinner together for instance has made a huge difference, he is more likely to eat, and he is learning to stay at the table until we are all finished (it's usually just him waiting 5 min but we're building it up). We also got those tall toddler chairs from IKEA, they are a bit higher than normal so it takes him more time to get up and down, so we usually have time to catch him before he's gone.

Withold the stuff he does enjoy if food isn't a motivator.
Amazing how children in Europe manage to get through a meal both at home and in restaurants, without phones, pads, while sitting still, and interacting with adults, yet rarely happens in uk

But that’s just not true. Developmentally children’s attention span and ability to sit still for longer periods naturally increases. My daughter knows not to run whilst eating and doesn’t. But she’s three and some days she finds it hard to sit for a whole meal. As I said, we set boundaries around it, and we stick to those but expecting a child of 3 sit like an adult is unreasonable.

Have you tried 5 mins before meals “get the fidgets out”? So DS would be asked to go and run in the garden/kick a ball/swing for 5 mins before I wanted him to sit still. If you are asking him to transition from a mostly stationary activity from when you were cooking he may be feeling restless