Mum not coming on Halloween - irked?

[CleverAzureDreamer]

My mum has just let me know she’s having her hair done on Thursday evening next week so she won’t be coming over to ours to go trick or treating and watch a spooky movie with the kids (8, 10, 12). I’m slightly irritated by this as I thought it would have been nice to have a family night dressed up and go round taking the kids trick or treating.
I’ve allowed older DS to bring a friend over to come with us so it won’t be so empty but I just found it a bit selfish for a Nan to not want to spend Halloween with the grandkids! AIBU?

This isn't America. YABU

You obviously think this is fun, and a good night, but clearly she doesn’t really enjoy it.
You say last week she suggested making cupcakes beforehand, probably because baking is more enjoyable for her than trawling around the streets.
Im assuming your mum could get her hair done literally any other night. She’s clearly booked this apt on purpose to use as an excuse to get out of Halloween “fun” with you and the kids. She’s probably felt really awkward about it and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by saying “I actually can’t stand the Halloween night” so to save hurting you she’s booked this hair apt.

I also think your comment about “why can’t adults enjoy halloween, Easter and even Christmas?” to be odd. I think a lot of adults DO enjoy Easter and Christmas. And Halloween too. But your mum clearly doesn’t rate Halloween. My mum wouldn’t either. She loves Christmas and Easter but would probably rather stick pins in her eyes than go trick or treating!

I'm grandma-age. In our youth, Hallowe'en was nothing. We didn't celebrate. We might hollow out swedes (Try it. Pumpkins are a piece of piss) or 'bob for apples' (head in a bucket of water, that's fun?) but that was it. 'Trick or Treat' was heard of but equated with begging, so respectable people didn't do it. If the OP's mum had any kind of religious background, even vague memories of one, Hallowe'en will be a non-starter, equated with the occult. Or, culturally, she might resent the Americanisation of British social life. Or she might not enjoy dressing up, going round to strangers and asking for goodies.

I actually hate Halloween. I just don't think it's a good idea to dress kids up as skeletons etc. and hate anything, no matter how small, that has anything to do with the occult. However, a family member has a birthday on Nov 1st, so I always told trick or treaters to knock again on the following day and they could have as many sweets as they could carry away. And I literally had a huge tub of sweets to give out.... We don't have trick or treaters in our neck of the woods now, but I still have a tub of sweets just in case....

Because OP mentioned in a previous post that she wanted her mum to ''supervise'' her 12 year son and his friend roaming around the streets trick or treating, while she stayed with the younger children.
Gran definitely got the short straw there, as I'm not sure the two 12 year olds would be enthusiastic about granny dressing up and coming around with them.
It was never about 'family time'

Does everyone always have to do what you want to do ? She's an adult and can make her own choices.

Sorry but you are being very unreasonable - it’s nice that she accepted your invitation previously but doesn’t mean she has to attend every year now if she doesn’t want to or feel like walking around in the cold! Maybe she finds it a bit uncomfortable? Maybe it was the only time available to get her hair done. She doesn’t have to explain.

I don’t think Halloween is a big family celebration like Christmas or Easter. And I’m someone who loves Halloween and decorate the house etc. I love hosting my kids’ friends for little parties and going trick or treating. I see my mum weekly but wouldn’t occur to me to invite her, unless it fell on her usual day!

Ahhhhh she was the free childcare 😂 got it

I’m a grandmother and I have sod all interest in Halloween, never have, never will. There are a million and one better ways in which I spend my time with my grandkids.

I check back here every half hour, and yep, more English ignoramuses. Repeat.

Just one of the latest ignorant comments: "Americanisation of British social life" by @StopStartStop

😂GTFOO.

I'm a grandma. However, I shall be lighting a Samhain bonfire on the evening of 31st rather than trawling for sweets. My grandchildren are welcome to join me, although I suspect that they would rather have hair appointments instead.

You're joking right? Why on earth would she want to do that? Fair enough, time with grandchildren is a nice idea, but Halloween is such a non thing for grandparents. You're being a bit precious

No, grandparents have never been trick-or-treating in my world! You're being ridiculous!

I’m just amazed every time I read one of your replies! Yes it is nice to “spend time with friends and family” - but not if you are asking them for extra childcare reasons or are expecting them to walk around in the cold after a couple of 12 year olds. Especially not if there is an expectation, which you have said there is in that you are ‘irked’ if she doesn’t want to.

Can confirm my mum does not care about Halloween and after 15 years as a nan she has not got involved even once. And I don't feel anything about it but definitely not irked.

Seriously?

I have not ever come across anyone who has ever done that at any sort of age. Can I ask, do you live in the UK?

One of whom isn't even her grandchild.

In my part of Fife, teenagers certainly go guising.

"...followed by trick or treating."

This is absolutely intriguing. I have literally never met anybody in my entire life who has ever done this (being quite serious here).

Can I ask what part of the country you live in? I'm really intrigued to find out if this is a local thing going on!

You’re right, I can’t count the number of news stories I’ve read about kids getting inducted into county lines via the medium of trick or treating.

Give owa, man. Let the bairns have some fun!

Maybe, as she’s getting older, your mum isn’t enjoying Halloween/trick or treating any more, @CleverAzureDreamer - people’s likes and dislikes do change.

If she is generally an involved and loving grandma, then I think you should forgive her bowing out of Halloween this year.

Thank you. It really is fascinating to find out about different local traditions.

I take it "guising" is something similar to the American "trick or treating"?

Inviting and saying the more the merrier is fine. Being annoyed that she hasn’t prioritised it is not!

Halloween isn't a big celebration like Christmas...it's something some people enjoy and not others, although the retailers would very much like us all to celebrate by buying their themed landfill.

I loved it as a kid, we went guising in costumes made of bin bags, cardboard boxes, spare clothes and the contents of your mum's make up bag. We collected sweets and money from the neighbours in a sock.

I'm not sold on Halloween as an adult. It has changed a lot and not for the better.

It’s never occurred to me that as a granny I should go trick or treating with the Gdcs. I doubt it’s ever occurred to dd or the kids, either. My contribution to Halloween is usually some sort of decoration - last year it was a massive spider ‘skeleton’ and I did once knit a wreath with 2 witches and a spider in its web in the centre. 🎃🕷️