Mum not coming on Halloween - irked?

[CleverAzureDreamer]

My mum has just let me know she’s having her hair done on Thursday evening next week so she won’t be coming over to ours to go trick or treating and watch a spooky movie with the kids (8, 10, 12). I’m slightly irritated by this as I thought it would have been nice to have a family night dressed up and go round taking the kids trick or treating.
I’ve allowed older DS to bring a friend over to come with us so it won’t be so empty but I just found it a bit selfish for a Nan to not want to spend Halloween with the grandkids! AIBU?

What? Is this a serious post? Its halloween not Christmas day

"She literally said she thinks her mum is being selfish....🙄"

You can roll your eyes as much as you like. Asking for opinions about whether her mum is being selfish isn't the same as dictating what her mum can do. If she was dictating, she'd have insisted or told her mum she had to come.

It's not American or imported.

Yes Halloween is not English, it's an Irish/Scottish cultural event and a million times more exciting for kids than that boring November 5th "penny for the guy" (burning the effigy of the catholic Guy Fawkes) English cultural event that is now dying out as its crap!!!!!

It certainly isn’t dying out because it’s crap! It’s dying out because of increased health and safety constraints and people taking against home and street fireworks because the noise frightens animals. I’m obviously not advocating for people to be injured and animals scared, but don’t try and pretend that a proper bonfire night is boring.

Go to Lewes on Nov 5th (almost impossible now, unless you live there or know someone who does). I was taken there as a child several times and witnessed fantastic parades with flaming torches, effigies of political and other figures of the day (including the Pope) which would be burnt at various bonfires round the town, and burning tar barrels being rolled down hills, in addition to the fireworks - all organised by the local bonfire societies. Boring it was not! It’s probably much tamer and more pc these days, but still a spectacle, I’m sure.

Halloween is not a family event. It is a nothing.
I would not want to ruin a fresh blow dry traipsing around on wet and windy cold night knocking on doors and then go home to hang out with kids hyped up on sugar all evening. Sounds nightmarish tbh.

I think it's U if you to expect her to come although I do think your mum is missing out.

Unbelievably unreasonable. Of course your mum doesn't want to dress up and go around asking strangers for sweets

It seems to be a family event for this family. Context is everything.

OP, I'd wonder why she booked her hair over what would normally be an annual event for your family, seems a bit passive aggressive.

So why is it not an issue for a father to not make an effort to spend Halloween with his kids but god forbid a grandmother has her own plans once?

It’s for your family! She has brought her kids up and done all this first time round. I did it through gritted teeth for my DDs and would not be wanting to do it again if they have kids. They live in another city for a start!

What's wrong with kids being kids and not having to grow up too quickly. Even an 8 year old can't still be a kid?

My daughter is 12 and loves Halloween.

Unless you’re from a culture that celebrates Halloween heavily then I think it’s bizarre comparing it to Christmas.

Last year we had fun.
Well I guess your mum didn’t have as much fun as you thought

A mid week Halloween isn't really the time for a big family get together surely? My son is a bit younger admittedly but for us its going to be trying to squeeze some trick or treating in before swimming lessons.

You say she comes to yours every year but you haven't answered what several people have asked you - did you invite her this year?

If she said yes then changed her mind that's one thing, but if you didn't invite her and just assumed she was coming, that's quite another.

Though I've never heard of anyone thinking of Halloween as "family time" and expecting grandparents to be involved.

Of course it is, talk about ignorance of history and culture.

Would you say the same to a Muslim celebrating Eid or a Christian celebrating Epiphany or a Buddhist celebrating Dhama?

YOU might not celebrate but it does not remove its long cultural heritage of the fact it is a festival celebrated in multiple countries.

It's not even a rare one, its main stream and its literally the UK's own original heritage before invasion and centuries of forced Christianity (which just relabeled most of our festivals in their own bastardized name) so damn right we can take it back.

The only time my mum saw us on Halloween was when my DD wasn't well. So she stayed in with her so I could take DS to a party. I don't ever remember her taking us out as children.

Had you actually asked her to come with you?

If she'd already accepted an invitation and then gone back on it, then yes, she is being unreasonable.

But if you hadn't said anything but were just expecting her to block out the 31st as family time without any discussion, then YABVU.

I think most people just associate Halloween as being something for the kids to have fun, I don't know anyone who sees it as a Family Event that the whole extended family need to get together for.

YABU and a 12 yo is too old for trick or treat

This. Plus your mum's hairdresser appointment is important

Is this it? You wanted her to go with the older boys?

Because she may have not enjoyed it! Nobody should feel forced into doing something as bloody awful as traipsing round in the dark after 2 twelve year olds. Why is this female expected to put up and shut up whilst the children’s own dad isn’t expected to be there.

I can understand OPs disappointment, she thought they were going to spend it all together like other years. Have a little walk, then watch a movie with food / treats. While lots of people don’t understand and say it’s just Halloween, it’s important to OP.

On the other hand the grandparent might not want to do loads of trick or treating or enjoy Halloween.

I don’t think either is wrong, just a miscommunication. Next time talk to your mum OP and understand their preferences for holidays and events.

😂😂😂 you've just called your mum selfish but your the one kicking off because she won't come to yours for halloween??? The fuckkkkkkk

Why couldn’t your husband not work? He gets a free pass but your mum doesn’t? Give over.

This is an excellent response 😁