Is this revenge on the OW fair or not?

[pinkgown]

Obviously we don't have the whole story, but would you be tempted to do this, to take revenge on the OW on your mother's behalf? I think I might, if I felt my mother and my family had been torn apart by her actions.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj9j9lpgjxlo

Remind me how the husband was punished? By remaining married to his wife?

It wasn't just that though. As reported in the Times (with sharetoken):

Judge Andrew Menary said: “One of the most egregious and vindictive aspects of this case is that you took the time to draft a lengthy and vitriolic message to their daughter. You sought to drag her into your unhappy existence which was shameful.”

Eleanor’s actions led the couple to disclose the woman’s affair for the first time. He said she had shown a “staggering” lack of remorse and and exhibited “vindictive, selfish and vengeful behaviour”.

Lucy Brown told the court: “In that message Eleanor Brown said: ‘I will make sure your mum is never allowed to forget what she did to my family and wherever she goes her photos will remain and follow her’.”

The judge said: “You conspired with your sister and mother to create the advert.” He also acknowledged that Sarah had sent Eleanor the sexual images, saying: “There is clear evidence she wanted you to use them in some way.”

Eleanor had originally denied two charges of disclosing private sexual imagery but changed her plea to guilty during her trial last month.

The judge gave her no credit for her guilty pleas because she indulged in the “ultimate act of brinkmanship” by forcing her victims to give evidence, something he said had “maximised their humiliation”.

He said: “You were arrested and interviewed and were utterly unapologetic. The lack of remorse you showed was staggering. Acting in the way you have is totally devoid of any moral compass whatsoever.”

https://www.thetimes.com/article/bc0b9e4c-98d1-49fb-b52e-e67823a35217?shareToken=4f4917667e46a61584093a4305bc18f8

He slept with someone else - get over it.

I’m sure you’d be thrilled at being told that if your husband was fucking another woman.

But no one is saying they should 'skip off into the sunset'. They are saying that revenge porn (illegal), harassment of the OW (illegal), harassment of the husband (illegal), harassment of the daughter (illegal), is not commensurate with having an affair (not illegal). When my husband had an affair and left me, I had all kinds of fantasies about telling their work, turning up and dumping his clothes at her reception desk, putting up posters of her 'nudes' in our village etc etc. The fantasies made me feel better at the time and got me through dark moments But that is all they were, fantasies, because I am not an unstable deranged individual. In any case, in time I ended up much happier than I was in my unhappy marriage and I actually feel sorry for OW as she was also in an unhappy marriage (and probably very vulnerable) and now has my exH to deal with, who is still messaging other women! Things aren't black and white. And ultimately, I was determined to protect my daughter from the toxicity of adults as long as I possible could, and any 'revenge' I may have taken would only ultimately hurt her.

She shared nudes online of a woman without consent as part of a planned campaign of revenge. Initially they were going to do something else but changed it to this. She used the husbands number and also made derogatory comments on his work comments page. She sent a long vile message to the woman's daughter. She showed zero remorse and in fact her family downplayed it even in court "Sophie Brown, who interrupted the proceedings on multiple occasions, said: “This was not revenge. We were taking the mick out of her because of the photos she’d sent to my dad.". She tactically withheld admitting the crime to make the process as awful as possible without having to do much herself

The only wonder is that her sister hasn't been charged.

I think it’s pathetic behaviour. Why hasn’t she taken revenge her dad as well in that case. He’s the one who cheated on her mum! Why is the anger always directed at the OW and never/much less towards the husband/dad?

No I wouldn’t be tempted to take revenge if I was in her shoes. Some people will see it as a daughter being loyal towards her mum 🙄. But most civilised people will be loyal to their mum without resorting to this. The ow didn’t deserve to have naked photos posted online.

My mum left for the OM when I was 11 and my dad was distraught. But my dad would never have wanted me to take revenge and I would have felt very uncomfortable if he encouraged me to do so. If it happened when I was an adult, I wouldn’t want to seek revenge then either. My brother was 20 when my parents split, and it didn’t occur to him to do something to the OM.

As far as I can see, we have no idea how old the OW was, if she knew the Dad was married ect. I'm sure lots of posters judging on here wouldn't want their own daughters treated so harshly, if they found themselves in these situations in their late teens/early twenties.

What a mess. No winner here.

“Is this revenge on the OW fair or not?”

No, two wrongs don’t make a right. The daughter was wrong to do what she did.

If you were the victim of her revenge you might feel differently. I know I would. Imagine having your naked pictures posted for all to see - on an Escort site of all places. And your husband receiving hundreds of calls requesting bookings for you. Absolutely awful. What she did was not some little joke. It is serious and the sentence is to my mind deserved because of what she put that woman through, possibly for a few years...those images can be up for a long time.

I would be very very angry if my partner cheated on me. I would be angry with him and angry with the woman. I might even fantasise about harming them by putting their pictures online. But I wouldn't do it. I couldn't do it. And I don't really understand the sort of person who could.

I didn't answer your question in the end.
Yes, posting the images was completely out of order and all do to with the Mum. I actually hope they appeal the sentence, although fully understand an awful thing to happen to the OW. Clearly she had a bigger impact on the family that she may have realised.

what's the average time in jail for men indulging in "revenge porn"? Are there statistics?

The dad is to blame for the impact upon his family surely?

I don't know I skimmed. I hope he got what he deserved too.

Nope, they've been cogitating on this one for a decade. Photos were found in early 2010s and were posted 2022 after other methods were dismissed. This isn't hot fury, it's heavily reinforced hate. And I'd put money on mom stirring it for 20 years instead of helping them heal

My dad had an affair with my mums best friend when I was a teenager, her daughter was my best friend, her other child my sisters best friend etc… my dad is a piece of shit and so is she, but what this young woman chose to do is appalling. Revenge is largely a ridiculous concept anyway and prone to backfiring as in this case.

I've been in this situation as the child and the mum who stayed but resented him hugely.
Yes the Dads fault initially, the mum would have had the option to stay or leave. She should have left, instead of, I imagine, filling her daughters heads negativity towards this other woman. Its very damaging and I'm not nearly as close with my parents anymore.

In the same way that she was a risk before she got caught. Others include the OW’s current family. All innocent parties.

She needs to be taught a lesson so that she won’t do it again.

I think both parties ought to take responsibility, not one or the other. To make out that women who have affairs are any different to men who have affairs is nonsense in my opinion.

Although just to add, I really don't approve of Brown's actions at all.

Jail sentences are far more often likely to be longer for men than women when committing the same crime

I know someone whose son was sentenced to six months (of which he served half) for hacking someone's cloud storage and posting their nude photographs on some forum for sickos. Aparently he was "stressed at work", so wasn't exactly revenge porn (though it does seem indirectly so, as in the kind of thing an incel or rabid misogynist would do).

I think it's absolutely right that there is a sentence for this kind of action, it destroys lives, but I'd be interested to know how many men have had a three year sentence for sharing someone else's nude photos.

There is no answer to that question that would make me endorse the use of revenge porn.

Stop justifying sex crimes.

I wasn't thrilled actually. But I realised that it was a sign that our marriage was not working. We split up and moved on with our lives.

What I didn’t do was poison my children with bitterness & encourage them to start an illegal and hugely hurtful campaign of intimidation against the woman and her family.

When I see woman who act in such a vindictive and toxic way if their husband has cheated on them, I understand why he did it as the wives are obviously pretty vile individuals. Absolutely - it’s better to leave before cheating but breaking the law because your feelings have been hurt says a lot about a person.

There are some things you just wouldn't do to your worst enemy.

I can't imagine the psychological torment of knowing there were naked photos of you out in the wild and anyone you knew could have seen them. It's not just a violation, it's an ongoing violation that could permanently trash your mental health.

Any kind of revenge porn should have a lengthy sentence attached. You can't humiliate someone in that way and expect to get a slap on the wrist.

(Yes, other crimes get shorter sentences. Those should have even longer sentences.)

Proves my point exactly, doesn't it? Shut the fuck up! No matter what has happened to you, the wrongs you have been on the receiving end of, just shut the fuck up.