Is this revenge on the OW fair or not?

[pinkgown]

Obviously we don't have the whole story, but would you be tempted to do this, to take revenge on the OW on your mother's behalf? I think I might, if I felt my mother and my family had been torn apart by her actions.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj9j9lpgjxlo

Most of us would be livid. But not so livid that we would commit criminal acts.

When I was sent nude photos by someone I was encouraged to contact the police. I reluctantly did so and was surprised by how seriously they took it. They checked that the person didn't have my address and told me to be careful. They have obviously seen that this sort of thing is the precursor to even more serious aggression. In my case the person who sent the photo ended up doing serious time (7 years) for attacking and assaulting someone else. I am dreading his release.

Of course it's not

I’d be telling myself this tbh with the addition that he is now someone else’s problem and they can have him.

Vigilante action drags us into the dark ages.

It is understandable that people hate those involved in cheating and betrayal, it is understandable that someone fantasises about revenge.

But it was entirely wrong to do this.

And actually played into the hands of a double-standards, misogynist, exploited status of women in our patriarchal society. “Oooh yes, expose her to porn shame…”

Quite shocking really , and very immature.

There are a wide range of child sex offences, and each offence covers a wide range of behaviour. Only offenders engaging in the least serious behaviour for the least serious offences will get away with community service.

that is why the Sentencing Guidelines are laughable and behind the times. I'm ok with this sentence, tbh, but i think the mum and sister should have got some sanctions too.

the OW really needs to STFU about "doing this to other women" and think about what she did (not that she deserved what happened)

But. Men in possession of images/videos of child sexual abuse/rape absolutely MUST do time. It is unbelievable that they don't. I don't care how rat-infested the cockroache filled prisons are. They should be behind bars. Which i recognise is a whole other issue.

But i do think there are studies on how women are sentenced more harshly than men for comparable offences (and also imprisoned for offences which are relatively mild which then has a disproportionate affect on their children etc. basically the criminal justice system is fucked)

@topaz27 The sentences are long enough and even if they weren't, prisons wouldn't have the capacity to handle them anyway. I think people forget that the time in prison is only part of the punishment and there's only so long that it's of value to society to keep them incarcerated at public expense. When they are released:

1. They'll have lost their job and will probably only find menial work on release;
2. For this particular offence, they will be on the sex offender's register for around 10 years (and yes, Eleanor Brown absolutely should be on this register). This will mean that they cannot work in many areas and also they have to report to social services if they have a child;
3. The criminal record will be permanently visible on enhanced DBS checks.

Eleanor Brown might go to prison for 3 years (2 years for good behaviour) but she's screwed her whole life up. It's going to be a very brave person who ever wants to have a relationship with someone so vindictive and remorseless about sharing intimate photographs too.

I don't agree with anything this woman or her sister did but in particular she targeted the husband and daughter of the woman her father had an affair with. Totally cruel, vindictive and deranged.

Ok, how about 'people of either sex who make personal or public vows to be faithful then betray their spouse/partners trust are solely responsible for the harm and hurt their actions cause'?

Yes I do think you should just shut the fuck up if your idea of speaking out is to encourage your kids to break the law. You don’t get a free pass to undertake a campaign of harassment just because your husband slept with someone else and the fact that you think you should might give a clue why he did it.

It seems such a strange case.

All of the family plus the OW are/were police officers. It doesn't say Eleanor was so I presume she wasn't. They will have known full well that revenge porn is now imprisonable so it seems so odd that they've had those pictures years and now encouraged her to post that profile.

The profile posting itself seems quite rash, perhaps drink was involved. Yet the messaging was much more prolonged. It seems very dysfunctional overall if the mother has chosen to stay with the dad but is encouraging the daughters to do this year's later. Let alone the issue of EB being shown the pics as a teenager.

3 years is a long sentence but if it's 6m per charge then I suppose it stacks up.

I'm not sure it feels comparable to people like Steven Bear. Especially as I don't necessarily agree that expressions of remorse carry much water (although at least they show an understanding of process and guilt).

It seems not altogether balanced that that the daughter's lives are ruined (sister has lost her career), OW daughter has to witness all of this, and the father seems not to get much of a mention. I know revenge porn wasn't a crime 10 years ago but I think he should have been made to explain why his children were exposed to that material at that age.

As with most (if not all) offences there are different degrees of harm and culpability and so there are different ranges of punishments for the same offence depending on the culpability of the offender and the harm that they caused.

There is also the fact that an early guilty plea will lead to a reduction of one third in the sentence.

This woman didn't just post nude images of the OW on an escort site giving the husband's phone number as a contact number, she also attempted to cause harm to his business and also their daughter. The judge said:

“One of the most egregious and vindictive aspects of this case is that you took the time to draft a lengthy and vitriolic message to their daughter. You sought to drag her into your unhappy existence which was shameful.”

Then, instead of pleading guilty, she forced the victim and her husband to attend court and give evidence. It was only after that, that she changed her plea to guilty.

The judge gave her no credit for her guilty pleas because she indulged in the “ultimate act of brinkmanship” by forcing her victims to give evidence, something he said had “maximised their humiliation”.

He said: “You were arrested and interviewed and were utterly unapologetic. The lack of remorse you showed was staggering. Acting in the way you have is totally devoid of any moral compass whatsoever.”

She was sentenced for two counts consecutively, one for two years and one for one year. She will be released at the half way point (just like that person's son you mentioned) unless the new rules are still in place in which case she will be released early at the 40% point.

In contrast, if she had not caused much harm and not done any real planning then the lowest category of this offence has a starting point of a low level community order with a range of a conditional discharge up to a high level community order

Still no, not for me. If someone knows the other person is married then they are still equally guilty in my opinion.

If you were the victim of her revenge you might feel differently. I know I would.

that's why we have judges though, if victims of crime got to set sentences it would be chaos.

People will always say that the other woman doesn’t have the loyalty that the man does. But if they are fully aware the man is in a relationship, I think they’re awful, horrible people. I had a ‘friend’ who got with my son’s dad when I was pregnant, he left me for her. Then when he ended up cheating on her too - she played victim. Like no, baby that’s karma.

Women will get with men knowing they’re in relationships because they think they’re ‘better’ than the woman they're with. It’s a power trip where they don’t care about hurting other peoples feelings. I think this is an extreme but on a smaller scale, surely some kind of karma or ‘revenge’ is a way to stop these women helping destroy other women’s lives. Again, I don’t think this is appropriate in the slightest, just on a smaller scale would be appropriate form of justice

do we have actual statistics on that? because i have read otherwise

That's... mental. But I see it here a lot and both of my grandmothers believed that women were temptresses and men just silly children who couldn't be expected to make their own sandwich or say no to free sex so I'm aware it's a common belief.

don't be daft - i'm asking a question. I have repeatedly said that she deserves punishment. She's batshit

Karma would be her cheating on him, unless you think women should be punished for men's sexual behaviour?

God this is so sad. Of course EB should absolutely not have done this but the damage that is caused by affairs is so great and far reaching.

I'm a wronged party and yes, can understand how vengeful someone can feel after this, even some time after.

I think it's unfair sentencing when pedophiles walk free.

Bloody typical that the man is relatively unscathed. 🙄

There doesn’t seem to be much in it.

“Women are sentenced less frequently than men to prison or probation (13 and 3 percentage points less frequently, respectively). Prison and probation sentences are also shorter (18 days shorter for prison and 4 days shorter for probation) and suspended prison sentences longer (8 days) for women.”

https://research-information.bris.ac.uk/ws/portalfiles/portal/209890205/Gendergap.pdf

thank you. So not vastly different then.

No. I didn’t see your post as I was edited to say the same thing.

Play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.
Her mom should be in jail with her.

I think it's unfair sentencing when pedophiles walk free.

I agree that unfair sentencing means pedophiles walk free but that doesn't mean that this is also unfair. Why shouldn't this woman get a custodial sentence after what she's done? The mother and sister should also have been charged.

If she knew, it doesn’t say she knew that he was married.

Just as there are women who knowingly get with married men, there are men that hide and lie about their marital status, take advantage, and lie to their spouses about how things came about.

I’m wondering why they held onto the pictures for so long especially if the father and mother stayed together or did the father have them and they were found in his things.