Is this revenge on the OW fair or not?

[pinkgown]

Obviously we don't have the whole story, but would you be tempted to do this, to take revenge on the OW on your mother's behalf? I think I might, if I felt my mother and my family had been torn apart by her actions.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj9j9lpgjxlo

Something similar happened to me

I met dp after he'd left his wife-i was not the other woman

Anyway,his ex wife is a psychopath-I do not say that lightly about anyone but she really is

A long story short,his eldest dd came to live with us and refused to get a job (at the time,she was 17/18)

She seemed to think I should double my hours at work,give her every penny of my salary,her dad was to run her around whenever she wanted (she would accept an uber but mainly it was to be her dad) and that her dad would pay for her,once she'd spent my money-but once she'd married a rich man,she didn't want to know us

I laughed her out of the house and she went scorched earth on me

As it was,I'd taken some personal photos (for dps eyes only) and he'd put them on his laptop

She went snooping and found them-she then took photos of the photos and sent them to everyone-her mother,my whole family(my mother,father,brothers,girlfriends,aunts,uncles,cousins,nieces,nephews and my own children) at the bare minimum have seen them

I'm nc with the lot of them but they couldnt hide their glee and told me they'd seen them-and they said they'd shown everyone they know (I'm the scapegoat in that family-hence I'm nc)

I have no idea who else has seen them-they could be on the Internet for all I know

I simply don't know how far they have gone-I have to live my life not knowing who's seen them or where they are

But,I wrote about it on here a while back and had my arse handed to me as i called her a 'spoilt little bitch'

I stand by what I called her-ill add evil to it too-the damage she has done (while thinking she's funny and clever) is impossible to measure

This family are the same-they have to pay for what they have done-the father was in the wrong for having the affair,but the mother was wrong to hold that grudge and the dds should not have done anything with the photos

It can destroy lives-i know its affected me very badly-it genuinely feels like I've been assaulted

I really wish people didn’t have affairs, especially when children are involved. Obviously the father is the one most morally culpable here, but it doesn’t sit well personally when people let
affair partners off scott free.

Obviously the actions here are criminal, and thus I suppose you play criminal games you win criminal prizes. However the victim’s statement concerning female solidarity baffles me with its hypocrisy. She was perfectly happy to shaft over one adult woman and two children to get her jollies. Where was the concept of the “sisterhood” then?

The two people I have most sympathy for are the victim’s husband, and daughter. What a terrible and publicly humiliating manner for their wife/mother’s wonky moral compass to come to light.

My mother had an affair with my dad's best friend. They were then together for thirty years and my amazing stepdad is my child's beloved grandad.

My dad met his new wife shortly after. They've travelled the world, enjoyed their retirement and now he cares for her with love and patience through her dementia.

All four are friends together and we all celebrate family events together. Affairs aren't just one thing and neither are the people who have them.

Adultery should be illegal. That's a cracker. What other unpleasant behaviours can we criminalise? Talking about people behind their backs? Regularly Staying out all weekend because you're on the piss and leaving your spouse to look after the kids and wonder if you're still alive? Secretly running up 20k in credit card debt? Repeatedly refusing to sleep with your spouse? Refusing to do any housework and expecting your partner to do it?

All can be relationship ending. All can be very damaging. But we don't live in UAE. Being a dick isn't a criminal offence.

Pretty sure the most morally culpable is the person who conducted an illegal harassment campaign and revenge porn against a woman who has been minding her own business for 12 years.

What about just straight out dumping people? I sobbed until my face almost wore off more than once in my life because I got the heave ho. I did a bit of dumping myself too, felt like a right bastard.

Maybe once you're in a relationship, it should be illegal to leave. That'll keep everyone safe and happy!

You’re right. Some of the most devastating experiences I’ve had are of being dumped. Christ I was dumped when I was pregnant and stayed single for 10 years as a result. That bastard should have gotten 20 years to life

Shhh @M@MorrisZapp you’re not playing by the rules. I mean did you not know that everyone who has an affair is a bad person and every child where parents have cheated is traumatised for life.

I actually know more people who have a positive relationship with the affair partner than don’t, because on the whole people who have affairs that follow through for the long hall the relationship was just wrong.

Depends on your subjective assessment of morality I suppose. You are on firmer ground by saying “most legally culpable”. What is moral and was is legal do not always align.

Loon if you ask me.

I read some of these comments wondering where people with these ridiculous views hide? Of course she deserves the sentence! I hope she gets some help with the serious issues she has while she’s in prison too. Completely batshit behaviour!

Endemic.

The people who are justifying EB's behaviour are forgetting that her dad is the OM to the other family. Don't you then feel that his wife and daughters are fair game to OW's family in the same way?

OM doesn't exist as a concept on here. It's only women wrecking marriages that have any moral relevance at all. Men can behave as they wish, and 'karma' is the OW being cheated on herself. Like in the Old Testament.

Completely batshit behaviour does not necessitate a 3 year custodial sentence. Serious and violent crimes yes.

She needs therapy, community hours, a bollocking etc etc. A custodial sentence in our over full prisons, so full that serious criminals are being released early, is what is batshit. Rehab the paedos though.

Bit of a fallacy isn’t it?

LTB for lying and cheating but the OW is more at fault and deserves worse punishment all in the name of “sisterhood” including being put at risk of SA and worse. That is definitely something I wouldn’t outright expect from another woman but a sick person/people, regardless of gender.

It is more like a ridiculous storyline I expect from a soap.

Instigating a possible serious, violent crime makes her dangerous. You don’t have to pull the trigger to be held responsible.

She can also get therapy while in jail.

She committed a criminal sexual offence aided and abetted by her police officer mother and sister. She deserves to be in prison. Im happy for taxes to be paying for that. As @phoenixrosehere said she can get therapy in there.

I would also be really happy if I heard that OW's family could go after OM's family for compensation like a hefty chunk of their police pensions.

Forcing people to stay in a relationship when they don’t want to? Yeah, I’m sure that won’t lead to an uptick in affairs 😆
Here’s hoping it isn’t an abusive relationship though.

When was she instigating a possible serious violent crime?

As I keep on saying prison should be for those who have committed serious and or violent crimes. Online harassment and posting nudes without consent is neither.

Our judicial system including sentencing needs a massive review.

I don't think that's quite right, I think the Mumsnet attitude is worse than that. It's not that men can behave as they wish, it is that they are always in the wrong. If a husband cheats, it is because he is an arsehole. If a wife cheats, it's because her husband is an arsehole. The OM is "saving her." That's why the OM always gets away with it on Mumsnet.

I don’t regard posting nudes online without consent as petty crime.

No, it really doesn't.

Ghosting a friend is hurtful. Not illegal.

Going no contact with a family member - hurts someone else, not illegal.

Promising to leave someone something in a Will and the secretly changing it - harmful, but not illegal.

People don't belong to other people, no matter whether they are married or not. Nobody belongs to their spouse, nor even to their children.

Do your suggest a legal penalty / criminal action recourse for a spouse if the other partner leaves them simply because the relationship is over for them? Or because their spouse no longer wants to have sex and that's a deal-breaker? Or because the spouse refuses to work? Or one of the multitude of other reasons marriage might break down? Or is just in the case of adultery you think that a legal penalty is appropriate?

Sometimes people meet and fall in love with someone else. Sometimes, inadvisably, a relationship begins before the current one has ended. It's not great and nobody is saying it is. But it happens and nobody should be expected to completely sacrifice their own life and happiness to enable someone else to keep theirs. It's very difficult for children when their parents separate, particularly if this is badly managed by either or both parties where the children are concerned. But to expect a person, male or female, to remain in what has become an unhappy marriage, even if the reason is that one party has met someone else is essentially saying that the right to happiness of that person is of less value than the right to happiness of the other person in the marriage. And it isn't. Ideally, the person wanting to leave extricates themselves before beginning a proper relationship with someone else, but life isn't always tidy like that. Human beings are messy, every one of us.

Adultery isn't great. But it's not the worst transgression in the world.

And it never, ever gives anyone the right to share nude photographs of another person without their consent or to systematically harass innocent people.

I said it is neither a serious nor vioient crime necessitating a prison sentence in our over full prisons. So full that criminals are being released early

I didn't suggest she shouldn't be punished at all. Tags, community hours etc all more appropriate.

Pretty sure the post was sarcastic.