Is this revenge on the OW fair or not?

[pinkgown]

Obviously we don't have the whole story, but would you be tempted to do this, to take revenge on the OW on your mother's behalf? I think I might, if I felt my mother and my family had been torn apart by her actions.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj9j9lpgjxlo

Maybe if she'd been the least bit remorseful. But she wasn't. So, no. Prison is absolutely the right course of action.

I am surprised you didn't have an issue with the OW.

We all have a responsibility to behave with humanity. And that doesn't involve having sex with people we know full well to be married. Whilst the main fault lies with the person who is cheating on their spouse, the affair partner must shoulder (a minority of the) responsibility for having sex with a married person and contributing to the breakup of a family with children.

Unless of course your father tricked the OW into thinking he wasn't married.

Anyway, regarding the woman in the article. Her family's breakup and her father's infidelity with the OW obviously wounded her (and her mother and sister) to her core. I'm in 2 minds about it. The OW could easily have avoided this mess by not being an OW in the first place - she fucked around and found out. That said, I don't support criminal actions. But I do understand the hurt and can easily see how this happened.

Sometimes people meet and fall in love with someone else. Sometimes, inadvisably, a relationship begins before the current one has ended. It's not great and nobody is saying it is. But it happens and nobody should be expected to completely sacrifice their own life and happiness to enable someone else to keep theirs.

This is such a good point @Resitinas .

There was someone on a thread the other day on here - her DH had left her for someone he had feelings for, and she was mad that he could end their marriage for someone that he hadn't even kissed or had sex with, like how could you end a marriage over something so small. But what was the alternative? She wouldn't have been any happier to discover he'd had a 6-month affair before ending the marriage. I suppose the ideal would be that he did nothing - and then they coast along in their marriage for the next twenty years in misery.

Unless I misread she posted abusive messages about the woman on the husband’s business profile. She posted nude photos of her on an escort site, putting it under her husband’s number to contact him.

If his personal number and business number are on the business profile he could have a local business and all it would take is some guy to go in under the disguise of seeking his services to get to her or recognise her around and follow her thinking she is a prostitute and can do whatever he likes.

These things have happened. Women have been stalked and harmed for less.

Yes but that didn't happen. You can't lock someone up for something that didn't happen.

Awful thing to do I do not defend it but a prison sentence when people are getting released early due to overcrowding is absolutely mad.

It is classed as revenge porn and noone deserves having photos like that made public. Personally I wouldn't ever pose for photos not even for a partner so it wouldn't happen to me. But I do see why the laws exist. And I am glad she has been punished. It makes it clear to others that such despicable behaviour is illegal and unacceptable.

It is a sex crime. If you have a 20 year old daughter, would you be happy with her being treated the same way? This woman is clearly unhinged, I can imagine if this had not happened with her father she would have found someone else to prey on, her husbands bit on the side, her BILs ect. People have affairs, it is a sad fact of life but incredibly common. We can't go around behaving like this. I appreciate this woman has a vile mother and likely a horrendous upbringing, but so do a large proportion of people in prison.

This, 100%. 'if you want to have a new relationship, be a decent human and end your current one first' is the apparent gold standard on here. But in reality leaving because you've been drawn to someone else is deemed a brutal betrayal even if absolutely nothing at all intimate occurred before you did the 'right thing' and ended your relationship.

Meanwhile, if you're bored of your husband and don't fancy him any more but are thinking of just plodding on until the kids get older then you owe it to them to end it now because they will know you're unhappy and that's poor role modelling.

Make it make sense 🤔

The judge didn’t sentence it as if it did happen. What the judge did is consider the risk the victim was maliciously and purposefully exposed to by Brown. The judge also considered the total lack of remorse, and the deliberate attempt to maximize the trauma to the victim by forcing them to testify.

The individual merits of the case will have been considered by the judge, as the individual merits of the cases will have been considered when deciding on which prisoners were eligible for early release.

That falls under the convenient catch all of ‘an emotional affair’ apparently, and the ‘OW’ can safely be considered all types of tempting whore.

That sounds like my DB. He told his wife that was over as soon as he had feelings for someone else. She didn’t take it well. She printed posters and leaflets saying what cheating shites he and the other woman were. She put up the posters at his and her place of work as well as all around the town where the OW lived and the town where her parents lived. She went round the OW’s town putting the leaflets through peoples letterboxes. She then dumped all his stuff all over his work car park. It took a solicitor’s letter and the threat of legal action to get her to stop.

I've noticed a few responses from people asking if someone is bitter about an affair when they strongly condemn unfaithful behaviour. I actually think that is very unlikely. My experience is that those of us who have been betrayed are more likely to be magnanimous about it, especially if we ended the relationship. Granted, there are those for whom it comes as a great shock but cheating more often than not happens in relationships that aren't working anyway. We move on, it heals, it didn't kill us, we survived and in most cases we thrived.

I suspect those most strongly condemning the behaviour have not experienced it, at least not directly. If they had experienced it then I think they would tone down the morality preaching and want to emphasise the importance of moving on.

What Eleanor Brown did (and what her mother and sister did) is not normal behaviour at all.

The sentence seems totally disproportionate given that possession of images of child sexual abuse gets you a suspended sentence. Can't help suspecting that is a man did this they would get a far lesser sentence.

What a ridiculous thing to say. If a man did this and then lied about it, didn't plead guilty, forced the victims to provide evidence, made threatening phone calls and showed no remorse then, barring the smallest discretion by a judge, the sentencing guidelines would reach much the same outcome.

As I keep on saying prison should be for those who have committed serious and or violent crimes. Online harassment and posting nudes without consent is neither.

You don't think they are serious crimes?

Posting nudes without consent is a serious crime. It should never not be a serious crime.

Just because other sentences seem very light there is no reason why this crime should not be viewed seriously with an appropriate sentence. Campaign for other offences to receive harsher sentences by all means, but I think this one was correct.

No. I think armed robbery, knife crime, drug crime, paedophilia, rape, murder, manslaughter, dv to be serious crimes.

This was wrong but 3yrs custodial is absolutely crazy. I wonder if the judge is ok when he let a paedophiles off with community hours and rehab?

Judges follow laws and sentencing guidelines. They don't just make things up as they go along.

3 years is absolutely the right sentence for someone who commits a sex offence, pleads not guilty and shows no remorse whatsoever. And under current guidelines she will probably be out in less than 15 months.

In your opinion they are not serious crimes.
Many of the rest of us do think that they are serious crimes.

And I would imagine sentencing will only become more harsh for those type of crimes, not less.

This is the problem, certain posters want to lower the sentencing bar for this offence rather than raising it for other crimes.

I'm sure these posters would feel differently if it was their family being harassed, nude photos of them being posted and someone attempting to ruin their husband's business.

I have reflected on a cognitive dissonance I have with all of this which I have to separate. On the one hand revenge porn really pisses me off, in cases of ex boyfriends or whomever. It doesn’t raise my rage as much in this instance, because I have some sympathy for the daughter. Plus an empathy for her hurt and rage. Intellectually I know it’s illegal/harms the victim, so it SHOULD be adjudicated on that basis.

I guess there is something in me that has less sympathy in seeing people who wreck families when they face some sort of consequence for their actions. I rather suspect that if the “escort” photos had been cropped to imply nudity without actually showing it I’d probably think “fair enough, probably taking it a bit far and it’s still not especially healthy behaviour for the daughter to have done it, but I get how she feels”.

Would I have given her 3 years? Possibly not, and if I was sat on a Jury where that sort of reprimand was on the table I’d be tempted to nullify. On the other hand if you were to ask me is posting nude pictures of anyone publicly online ever justified? I’d answer unequivocally no, so what I SHOULD do as a juror is actually very clear indeed.

As the wife of someone whose DH had an affair, I am embarrassed to say I behaved in a manner I never thought I would. Until it happens to you or your family, you cannot judge.

I wouldn't feel differently about everything, I would be immensely pissed off if anyone close to me who had shared online nudes then had them reposted publicly in an attempt to harass. I instill in our dc to be incredibly mindful and careful for this very reason that once you press send you lose control.

That said if someone with an axe to grind did indeed circulate publicly such images I would want and expect the police to be involved but for the sentence to be community hours, rehab/therapy and a tag. I would not want anyone who didn't have any previous convictions going to prison fo 3 years for such a low level, albeit unpleasant, offence.

Regardless of your views, committing adultery is not illegal. The daughters behaved appallingly and deserved what they got.