Is this revenge on the OW fair or not?

[pinkgown]

Obviously we don't have the whole story, but would you be tempted to do this, to take revenge on the OW on your mother's behalf? I think I might, if I felt my mother and my family had been torn apart by her actions.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj9j9lpgjxlo

@Waterboatlass The father isn't mentioned because he didn't commit a criminal offence. I think we have to stop with this constant insistence that if a woman commits a criminal offence, there must be a man at the root cause of their behaviour. Women can and do commit criminal offences every day of their own volition.

Eleanor Brown committed an offence and was presumably encouraged by her mother and her sister although that couldn't be proven against the other women to a criminal standard. Most women who are betrayed by an unfaithful spouse don't do that; Brown made a decision to commit a crime that the law abiding public would not do.

It's also quite alarming and perhaps also telling that the mother must have kept those photographs for years before they were used. That behaviour is also very odd.

Consider a similar scenario where a wife is unfaithful and the husband encourages his son to beat up the other man years after the event. Would the unfaithful wife really be in any way responsible for that?

Personally, I'd have liked the father to have stepped up and done the sentence. Those who have affairs lack any sort of integrity.

The father didn't do anything illegal. It would be bonkers to start locking people up for immoral behaviour. It's not the 1800s.

Yes, of course. Again my point proven. It absolutely must be the woman’s fault her husband had an affair. If only she’d been a nicer person, he obviously wouldn’t have needed to get his end away with someone else.

No, it’s not a free pass to engage in equally poor behaviour but what is crucial here is the fact that people who have been cheated on are supposed to just suck it up and shut up. The damage this particular man did to his wife and kids clearly runs deep. How about he takes some responsibility for that?

No affairs aren't illegal or criminal.

Sharing photos is much much worse.

. Personally I feel the mother should have lied and said she posted them, she stole her daughter’s details. Did it at her house. And she should have went to jail. But I’m guessing the Thpe of woman who did what she did, was always going to let her child go to jail.

I don’t believe the father should be locked up. He wasn’t clearly not part of this , and was not encouraging it, I doubt he even knew. You can’t lock people up as they cheat, thats just silly,

No, it’s not a free pass to engage in equally poor behaviour but what is crucial here is the fact that people who have been cheated on are supposed to just suck it up and shut up. The damage this particular man did to his wife and kids clearly runs deep. How about he takes some responsibility for that?

Oh give over. Nobody is staying they have to suck it up and shut up. They're saying don't be a massive fucking twat.

But who knows, maybe the daughters and the mother are feeling AWESOME now. Maybe their "revenge" makes it all worth it and they're really happy with their lives.

In reality - the mother has done more damage to those girls than the father ever did.

I think I’m most astounded by the complete inability of the mother and daughters to scrape together a brain cell between them, especially considering one was a police officer.

Wonder if they’re still running on piss and vinegar, or if the reality of just how badly they’ve fucked themselves over has settled in yet.

Looking at the way the three of them have behaved, is there any wonder the father had an affair? The mother should absolutely be punished, she sounds like the most awful, vindictive woman. I can't believe anyone would even question whether it is fair!

So now we want to add perjury to the list of crimes? Saying the mother should pretend she did the revenge porn is really just too stupid for words. She may well have encouraged her daughter, and should have been prosecuted for that, but adding perjury?

The mother and daughter should have sought therapy, they held on to the photos and anger for over a decade. That’s not healthy.

I completely agree he didn't commit the offence or encourage Eleanor to do so as far as we know. However, he must have had some role in the images being seen by the family. Surely the OW didn't send them to the mother.

I think as part of this case, the parents should have been held accountable (I'm not sure on what legal grounds before you correctly ask, just in my ideal world) regarding how a child at the time came into contact with those images.

I think my wider point is that yes, Eleanor Brown is very much responsible for her actions. However there seems a very odd family dynamic in which she has been the one (because she isn't a police officer?) heavily encouraged to continue the harassment of the OW all these years later. She posted those photos but she didn't act alone. The root cause is her father's behaviour (and her mother's reaction), and their bad handling thereof. Not saying that is a judicial matter but it doesn't seem entirely fair if he hasn't intervened sooner to try and stop this getting out of hand.

This woman is nuts and her mother made her like that, it's awful parenting.

My dad had an affair, married and has been with the OW for over twenty years. He also had other affairs. I see him as weak, but I don't feel cross or angry about it all, I feel glad my mum found out and we all moved on, including her to someone much nicer.

I don't feel as scandalised by cheating men, in that I consider them unpleasant individuals, weak and a bit rubbish all round, and not suitable to have a relationship with, but I don't feel that level of aggression or revenge towards my dad, partly because my parents have been better apart and ultimately my mum has benefitted from his ridiculousness.

Revenge 12 years later is bizarre and speaks to extreme dysfunction.

Of course she isn't going to show remorse to the OW. She's hardly going to say "sorry" to the woman who, cheating on her own husband, shagged her dad in an affair that broke up her family which left her traumatised as a teenager. She obviously shouldn't have done what she did though as ultimately it's her dad who broke the vows to her mum who is responsible for the family collapse that she should have aimed her ire at.

The father isn't mentioned because he didn't commit a criminal offence. I think we have to stop with this constant insistence that if a woman commits a criminal offence, there must be a man at the root cause of their behaviour. Women can and do commit criminal offences every day of their own volition.

A man is the root cause of this outcome. Don’t agree with the behaviour of any of the females in the family, but it would never have happened had he kept it in his trousers.
Again not condoning anyone’s behaviour, but betrayal can be devastating to some people with terrible long standing consequences, it’s not just a bit of heartache to get over and people need to understand this when start affairs.

I hear what you're saying but I very much doubt he shared those photos with the family willingly. My hunch is that it was probably another offence, that of hacking his phone or other personal device. Given the kind of access one of his daughters might potentially have had to his electronic records does make me feel a little uneasy to say the least. For this reason, I'm not sure who got hold of the photographs so whether the parents were responsible is not entirely clear.

I do agree that it does look likely that there was some degree of coercion of Eleanor Brown probably by her mother or possibly her sister. As the only person who was not a police officer, on the one hand she lacked the risk of a disciplinary but on the other hand she probably had less means of getting hold of the photographs. I would certainly like the police force that the sister worked at to check their own records to see whether the data on the father's phone ever came into their possession and if so how and why.

No he isn't. Being unfaithful is not a criminal offence. Posting nude photographs of someone online is. Most people who are betrayed don't commit these offences because they are not criminals. Eleanor Brown chose to be a criminal then showed no remorse, all of her own choosing.

He hasn’t committed a criminal offence, but he is the root cause of the criminal behaviour of the female members of his family.

I don't think anyone should 'just get over the heartache', if the dds and mothers felt so strongly he'd ruined their lives, the mum could have left him and never spoken to him again.

I think it's very difficult for children in these situations, because they are half genetically related to the cheater, the mum is not and so these plots of revenge are very destructive to the children psychologically. The OW is not their love rival and she's not the child/parent in this situation and it is wrong to drag the children into this, whether adult or not.

Grown adults are always responsible for their own behaviour.

No, I wouldn't do this. For one thing, it exploits and thereby reinforces the structural and systemic marginalisation and exploitation of women as a group. The fact that you think you've been hurt doesn't give you the ethical right to hurt other individuals, let alone further damage a disadvantaged and vulnerable demographic.

(Also, therapy exists.)

The root cause of the behaviour of the females is their own mistaken belief that they needed revenge rather than therapy. Which makes me wonder what other plots they would come up with if they felt revenge was called for.

I think there are many male offences of rape, sexual assault and harassment, that go unpunished and that this woman has received a disproportionate punishment, given the judicial landscape of the UK.

3 years is over kill. Should have been a fine, victim compensation and a suspended sentence. I think this is over the top.

I do agree with everyone though that the sentence is disproportionate, I'm not even sure it needed a prison sentence given what else doesn't attract one.

The root cause being the trauma inflicted by the father, that has had dire consequences on both daughters, but he gets to keep the marriage and is apparently in no way to blame for the eventual outcome.