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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I shag the 25 year old

647 replies

NotmyrealNC · 21/10/2024 22:39

NC for obvious reasons.

Long story short, I'm 6 months out of an abusive marriage. Not in any way ready to date or for a relationship, I'm still far too hurt to even contemplate that. But I do miss sex.

Last week, a guy randomly approached me and gave me his number. We've chatted a bit, it turns out he's 10 years younger than me. From his messages, I get the impression he's only after one thing.

I'm really, really tempted. I could really do with a good shag. But I'm also worried it could go horribly wrong and leave me feeling terrible. So, please help me decide. WIBU to shag the 25 year old?!

OP posts:

Thread gallery

VivianLea · 22/10/2024 00:51

Fucking hell, this is a wake up call. I'm 32, please kindly let me know when 25 year olds start being off limit.

McSilkson · 22/10/2024 00:53

anyfright · 22/10/2024 00:45

Definitely. All men lose their looks by the time they're 30. You're both in your prime. Go for it.

That's a little extreme - not "all" and certainly not by 30 - but younger men tend to look better, just like with women.

Oh, and @TheSnugHare, if your brain isn't fully developed, why is it acceptable for your boyfriend to be with you...? Are you an exception to this "rule"?

Spreadtheluv · 22/10/2024 00:57

Where would this take place OP? Are you planning to go back to his place? You mention he is sweet. How can you be certain this stranger isn't a sweet rapist or even worse? This may sound harsh but you have to face reality when making such important decisions in life, especially when there could be dire consequences.

McSilkson · 22/10/2024 01:09

healthybychristmas · 22/10/2024 00:31

Do you really feel you have to sleep with everyone who wants to sleep with you? He approached you and asked you for sex. Can you not see how wrong that is? He is not interested in you at all. He just wants another notch.

😆How is a (presumably) single adult proposing sex to another single adult "wrong"...? Did I happen to wake up in 1824 today...? I'm not remotely interested in casual sex, but I can't see anything wrong with that. At least he was honest and straightforward: "I think you're hot. Wanna fuck?" Not my cup of tea, but fair enough.

You know, as gross as men can be, in a way I find their lack of bullshit when it comes to their sexual desires refreshing. So many women seem to be so tied up in misplaced guilt, and shame, and excessive concern for propriety and what others might think. They're too busy judging themselves and others to enjoy themselves!

Jumpingthruhoops · 22/10/2024 01:09

NotmyrealNC · 21/10/2024 22:39

NC for obvious reasons.

Long story short, I'm 6 months out of an abusive marriage. Not in any way ready to date or for a relationship, I'm still far too hurt to even contemplate that. But I do miss sex.

Last week, a guy randomly approached me and gave me his number. We've chatted a bit, it turns out he's 10 years younger than me. From his messages, I get the impression he's only after one thing.

As long as it's safe and consensual, why not? I reckon go for it.

Besides, you know what they say: The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else! 😉

Worriedatwork1 · 22/10/2024 01:12

I would absolutely go for it! I became a single parent at a similar age and had a fair bit of fun with a couple of younger guys as a distraction

Jumpingthruhoops · 22/10/2024 01:12

Ohthatsabitshit · 21/10/2024 22:50

No he’s a child (in comparison).

Sorry, but how is a 25-year-old man a 'child'?
Seriously, let go of those pearls FGS!

Ramblomatic · 22/10/2024 01:18

Ride him like Seabiscuit 🥳

Put a saddle on him, wear a silk shirt and tell him it's normal, what does he know? 🥳

Bee43 · 22/10/2024 01:19

I dated a 19 year old when I was 26 and this is making me feel bad!

TheSnugHare · 22/10/2024 01:27

McSilkson · 22/10/2024 00:50

20 year olds aren’t biologically children no but their brains haven’t developed until they’re atleast 25,

BINGO!!!

Your brain isn't "fully developed" until you're dead. We grow and change throughout life, and we all "mature" in various ways at different ages.

Show quote history

I didn’t mean to offend anyone with my comment by the way. I am autistic myself, and I have noticed and acknowledged that autistic people are always behind non autistic people developmentally, in areas of social understanding and all the “areas”, it just depends on the autistic person to what extent that is or how quickly they learn

Negroany · 22/10/2024 01:29

I have noticed and acknowledged that autistic people are always behind non autistic people developmentally, in areas of social understanding and all the “areas”

That is not correct though.

Ed - but maybe we can let you off, as your brain is not yet fully developed.

TheSnugHare · 22/10/2024 01:45

Negroany · 22/10/2024 01:29

I have noticed and acknowledged that autistic people are always behind non autistic people developmentally, in areas of social understanding and all the “areas”

That is not correct though.

Ed - but maybe we can let you off, as your brain is not yet fully developed.

Edited

It is correct though? Autism is a developmental disorder but it also comes with developmental delays and communication deficits. It also comes with a lack of understanding social cues and norms. The rate autistic people catch up depends on the individual. It is still a fact and it is not my fault that it’s that way.the snarky comment you’ve just weedled your way in there has just shown me that you’re angry. And anger means that you feel threatened and are afraid. Why don’t you be an adult and communicate how you really feel. Be civilised. This is derailing the thread so I am leaving because it better to leave than waste my time on people like you

Lucy25 · 22/10/2024 01:50

@Bee43 No, don’t feel bad, that’s not a big age gap.At 19, the person is old enough to decide and you were only 26 yourself.

ChampagneLassie · 22/10/2024 03:46

I had a ONS shortly after the breakdown of my marriage. It was fun and liberating in the moment but I did feel weird and empty afterwards and it took me a while before I was ready to be intimate again after. But I wonder if it would always have been like that, the first time with someone else. It seemed better to get that over with on a ONS than a potential relationship. But my marriage wasn’t abusive. I feel a bit concerned for you whether your emotionally ready, whether you could be vulnerable to other abusive men etc justcsex can be fine but a man who is looking for that is unlikely to be v caring or considerate

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/10/2024 04:11

BettyBardMacDonald · 22/10/2024 00:04

I couldn't get worked up over a 25-year-old unless he were the rare mature type, like, say, Roger Federer was back in those days. The average weedy post-uni type, no thanks.

But to each her own. If you think you won't get all emotionally involved, hot on the heels of an abusive LTR, go for it.

I think you’re talking about appearance rather than maturity? Lots of young men these days are working out a lot and are rather muscular... not that this is anything I particularly ever went for.

As for the op, I think go for it. He’s not a child by any stretch of the imagination.

Nsky62 · 22/10/2024 04:13

NotmyrealNC · 21/10/2024 22:39

NC for obvious reasons.

Long story short, I'm 6 months out of an abusive marriage. Not in any way ready to date or for a relationship, I'm still far too hurt to even contemplate that. But I do miss sex.

Last week, a guy randomly approached me and gave me his number. We've chatted a bit, it turns out he's 10 years younger than me. From his messages, I get the impression he's only after one thing.

Do as you wish, don’t get pregnant then whinge!

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/10/2024 05:10

McSilkson · 22/10/2024 00:41

Maybe you should work on fixing your own insecurity, instead of making ageist and sexist assumptions about other women. Did you think all women in their mid 30s were safely shut up in their homes, sipping on Horlicks, incapable of feeling attraction to an adult man in his prime?

So, you're presumably attracted to men older than yourself - and your boyfriend is presumably attracted to younger women still in their teens - but you don't think it can work the other way around between two bona fide adults? That old sexist double standard... 🙄

And, let's face it, if your 25-yr-old boyfriend were to hook up with a 35-yr-old woman, it would be entirely his responsibility for cheating on you, not the hypothetical temptress woman, who could be completely unaware of your existence. You've managed to simultaneously demonstrate a lack of faith in your relationship/boyfriend, and make women the baddies when it comes to men in relationships cheating. Congrats!

These threads never fail to bring out the most sexist, ageist and ridiculous views to be found on Mumsnet. Lots of threads on this forum hand-wringing about snowflakes, helicopter parenting and the latest generations being ill-equipped to deal with adult life, while people on this thread are describing adults in their mid 20s as "children"! Gee, perhaps there could be a connection... 🙄

Show quote history

Brilliant post. In fairness, at 19, I wouldn’t have given much thought to what 35 year old women do. I am now considerably older than 30…

When I was early / mid 30s a guy we saw occasionally as part of a wider group and 10 years younger than me seriously fancied me. I was married so wasn’t interested. However, had I been single, I probably would have gone for it. Possibly just for the shag. As was, I just found it funny.

Binman · 22/10/2024 05:33

@NotmyrealNC I did this he was 10 years younger than me and turned out to be a really great shag. I married him over 30 years ago, still together, still shagging.

KittyGetSmall · 22/10/2024 05:35

Grim

Lyannaa · 22/10/2024 05:41

@TheSnugHare you are coming across really badly and clearly you know nothing about autism whatsoever so stop spreading misinformation about it.

Not everyone subscribes to your narrow minded ideas of what is acceptable, whether ND or NT. You seem incredibly judgemental.

lololulu · 22/10/2024 06:59

Lyannaa · 21/10/2024 23:17

Do it. I slept with a 20 year old when I was 34. Tbh I thought he was too young but it was a fun time and I saw him various occasions - he had a lot of energy. Lately, he got in touch again 🤣

Grim. I bet he looked about 18.

MumOfOneAllAlone · 22/10/2024 07:02

I'm late to the post but do it!! It's just sex, could be fun! 🥰

TrishM80 · 22/10/2024 07:16

anyfright · 22/10/2024 00:45

Definitely. All men lose their looks by the time they're 30. You're both in your prime. Go for it.

Absolutely. Which explains why there are no male Hollywood A-list stars over the age of 30.

lololulu · 22/10/2024 07:17

My husband is 42 I'd say he's getting better looking.

Stath · 22/10/2024 07:28

I had a fwb arrangement with a 28 year old (who pursued me) when I was 45

He’s very good looking and, although sounding rather arrogant, I look in my late 30s and have had lots of male attention since being single

The ‘summer fling’ ended up lasting over a year and it was brilliant, although he fell in love with me and I ended it

It ended up being a lovely learning experience for both of us and did my ego no harm after being in a long marriage

I’d have judged the fuck out of anyone else doing what I did with my age gap but we’re still friends 😂

Go for it

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