Should I shag the 25 year old

[NotmyrealNC]

NC for obvious reasons.

Long story short, I'm 6 months out of an abusive marriage. Not in any way ready to date or for a relationship, I'm still far too hurt to even contemplate that. But I do miss sex.

Last week, a guy randomly approached me and gave me his number. We've chatted a bit, it turns out he's 10 years younger than me. From his messages, I get the impression he's only after one thing.

I'm really, really tempted. I could really do with a good shag. But I'm also worried it could go horribly wrong and leave me feeling terrible. So, please help me decide. WIBU to shag the 25 year old?!

I told you he seems quite sweet!

I honestly don't know because I look at younger men and see children. I struggle to understand how others don't see this

Tbf you said you were nineteen so younger men from your perspective kind of are!

I'm not 19

Do you honestly not see anything wrong at 34 fancying a 20 year old. When you was his age he was 6

But he wasn't 6 🙄 I think it's more weird and wrong that you think 20 year old men look like children. This is your problem, not mine.

I'm not 19

Wrong poster then. But to answer your question no I definitely don't see children when I look at adults who happen to be younger than me.

I'm 35 and feel the same way though

I couldn't get worked up over a 25-year-old unless he were the rare mature type, like, say, Roger Federer was back in those days. The average weedy post-uni type, no thanks.

But to each her own. If you think you won't get all emotionally involved, hot on the heels of an abusive LTR, go for it.

Also my youngest daughter's dad is 11 years older than me. Does that make him a pervert because I was 5 when he was leaving school? Or is that different and if so, why?

You being autistic explains your lack of understanding social norms

I find it interesting you use nice words like sweet to describe him/his personality, rather than “shallow” ones like hot/fit/gagging for it. Especially when you are so sure you just want casual. Honestly I would probably avoid him for now, especially if there’s a chance he might not just see you as purely sex/a hookup. You do seem vulnerable.

Sorry, but I’m autistic, and I am nothing like this poster in terms of the judgements they are making. Nice one assuming it’s because of their autism. Stupid, insensitive comment on your part.

If you was 20 and he was 31 when you met yeah I find that gross

You being autistic explains your lack of understanding social norms

What are you going on about? He was 13 years younger than me. I wouldn't have had a relationship with him.

In fairness, the poster herself blamed her autism.

Nope autism can cause a lack of social understanding and what is socially acceptable

I didn't blame my autism - don't put words in my mouth. A lot of jealous people on this thread I think 😂 trying to convince others that 20 year olds are in fact children. This man had a mortgage.

I appreciate those saying things along these lines - as that's entirely what I'm worried about. That I might still be more vulnerable than I realise.

I think I'm describing him that way because although he's nice looking, he's not really my usual 'type', so there wasn't a great thunderclap of attraction or anything.

I'm autistic (probably so is he). So we were drawn to each other on that basis most likely

Your reasoning for being attracted to younger men.

Do you have Ehlers Danlos,? That would make you seem a good ten years younger than you are.

@Bondii yeah, I know what I said. And you've misrepresented it.

20 year olds aren’t biologically children no but their brains haven’t developed until they’re atleast 25, if they have autism themselves they will have developmental delay in areas of their brain which extends that - because that’s what autism is, developmental delay! But besides that it’s gross that a 30 year something year old woman could look at a 20 year old man and think a certain way about him but now you’ve explained you’re autistic yourself it explains why you can’t see that cos you won’t understand what’s socially acceptable

Omg 😂😂 this really made me laugh !!

I took that to mean they had that in common. That was their connection.

Not being autistic makes you attracted to young people.

20 year olds aren’t biologically children no but their brains haven’t developed until they’re atleast 25,

You're quoting one study that has been both widely latched onto and widely misunderstood:
https://www.sciencefocus.com/comment/brain-myth-25-development

Brains develop through use. The way you learn to be an adult is to start living as an adult, not waiting for some mythical age where you're suddenly mature and grown up.
If you're an indulged kidult at 24, living at home with your adoring mummy insisting that you're still a child really, you're not going to wake up at 25 knowing how to function. You actually need to start living independently at age-appropriate stages (mid to late teens onwards) to develop that maturity.

Yeah I realised that after I posted. In fairness, she doesn't say he is autistic. Just that she thinks he probably is.