Should I shag the 25 year old

[NotmyrealNC]

NC for obvious reasons.

Long story short, I'm 6 months out of an abusive marriage. Not in any way ready to date or for a relationship, I'm still far too hurt to even contemplate that. But I do miss sex.

Last week, a guy randomly approached me and gave me his number. We've chatted a bit, it turns out he's 10 years younger than me. From his messages, I get the impression he's only after one thing.

I'm really, really tempted. I could really do with a good shag. But I'm also worried it could go horribly wrong and leave me feeling terrible. So, please help me decide. WIBU to shag the 25 year old?!

I married a man 12 years my junior (it didn't last, the sex was marvellous).

Previously mentioned caveats:
Not if you're going there with a yen for a relationship;
Condoms;
You can walk out any time (I've done it mid-shag, twice).

If all okay, go and have a good time!

Up to you OP but I wouldn't do it. I'm in my late 30s and guys that age look like kids to me. It would give me the creeps!

At this stage in both your lives this isn't an age gap of note

Yeah the sites and the swinging scene and the sex industry etc. demonstrate that.

It's not really a self esteem thing. I've had a couple of offers from men I already know since the divorce and turned them all down.

It's partially the fact that he's a total stranger so has no idea about my situation, partially me wondering if it could help me move on from my ex, and partially the fact that I'm just really, really sexually frustrated and a 25 year old who clearly just wants to shag an older woman seems like it could be a win win for both of us?

YES

I did exactly the same when I was your position OP (down to same age and end of abusive marriage).

Mine was 23 though. It was a few weeks of a FWB thing and then fizzled out. I did know him beforehand and had been shocked to find out his age; I'd assumed he was late 20s from his demeanour.

Anyway it was BRILLIANT. We had great sex and we laughed a lot. Then we had more great sex. Sometimes we laughed during the sex.

I'm now married again and have a baby but I look back on those few weeks with fondness.

I wouldn’t, I had casual sex with someone not long after a breakup from a bad relationship and I had to stop myself bursting into tears after!

this is what sex toys are for

also for everyone saying the guy only wants one thing, it’s not necessarily true, so defo be absolutely upfront with him about how you only want something casual, before you get anywhere near the bedroom or even sexting. Guys can get hurt too and he might genuinely like you/want to date as well as the sex. Approaching you in person is pretty bold, imo if he only wanted sex he could just get online on tinder.

a 25 year old who clearly just wants to shag an older woman

It hasn't occurred to you that he finds you attractive for any other reason than your miles on the clock?? Bloody hell, you do need an ego boost!

Go and have a good time. And give the man some credit, it's unlikely he's trying to get a notch for a woman of every vintage - he likes you!

I wouldn't (condoms may not protect against all STD's)

Definitely not. You don't know how often he randomly gives out his number, so you don't know if he's as casual about this as you are. You could hurt him. He's very young. And if he is in the habit of casually sleeping around, then God Only Knows what you could pick up from him, even practising so called 'safe sex'.

25 isn’t a child. 35 is still young. 10 years is hardly a significant age gap. This is not Robert Deniro/Cher territory.

I think you’re too vulnerable for the gung ho approach OP. Get a good toy for now

this is what sex toys are for

I'm not disagreeing with the overall jist of your post, but you can't compare sex toys with sex, embracing etc with a live human.

What do you mean the other way round, like if he was the older one?

Do you find 10 years too big a gap at any age, where is the line - 35 and 45? 45 and 55?

I can see that relationship/life trajectory wise a 25 and 35 - or 55 and 65 - year old could be on quite different paths, but it’s just individual dependent really.

Well by that note nobody should ever shag anyone surely (at least not until tests have been conducted).

I get that you're sexually frustrated but this isn't a good idea.. for starters you've no idea if he's been sleeping around and picked something up. Also there's the whole oxytocin thing as someone else pointed out.

Go for it, life's too short!

You don't know how often he randomly gives out his number, so you don't know if he's as casual about this as you are. You could hurt him.

Young men who "cold approach" older women in public and swap digits and make it clear they're interested in sex ..... Are most definitely casual about this and are extremely unlikely to get their feelings hurt.

She's a mark, a target, a check box, a conquest ...to him.

The point about the STDs ..yeah.

I know it’s not exactly the same obviously, but the fact OP is having to ask on a forum suggests she isn’t entirely sure about the hookup. Casual sex after being with someone for so long, especially if it was abusive can be difficult emotionally.

What's wrong with the other men you already know who offered, op .... If you're very sexually frustrated?

Not all men are the same. He could’ve approached OP because he genuinely fancied her, and even if it’s sex to begin with he could still get feelings after. She defo needs to be upfront with him.

The difficulty is, you said "yes" to his number. You glean far more information about random men who approach you in the street if you say "no". It tells you how they react when they hear a "no" from a woman. 9 times out of 10 it's never good, and that's in public let alone in private.

There are very few men of any age who "cold approach" total strangers and swap numbers or SM. He's probably in the pua community.

Go for it. Casual sex can be amazing.